Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Holey Rear View, Batman!

1. The other night I came home from work and Starshine ran to give me hug.

2. After hugging me, he pulled back, frowned at me and said "You smell like pancakes."

3. I work at Cracker Barrel. Pancakes are a way of life.

4. He then patted my arm and said, "Don't worry, Mom. It could be worse."

5. *eye roll*

6. I'm surrounded by boys. I know worse.

7. I was in our local Books A Million Saturday night with Myra, trolling the YA section, alternately looking for new titles to read and stopping complete strangers to recommend Demon's Lexicon and Shiver when I stumbled upon a Wonder Woman comic.

8. Long time blog readers will know that in Paul's honor, I simply couldn't pass it up.

9. I grabbed it, started reading, and found the following line (from WW herself): "I won't stop until I put your head on a pole and post it near our latrines."

10. I think she's on to something.

11. The threat of beheading and pole-posting shame isn't nearly as scary if you don't toss in the word "latrine."

12. The Scientist is now an avid iPhone fan and is looking forward to his birthday (nine months from now) in hopes he'll get one as a present.

13. Riiiiight.

14. He took one look at my face after explaining to me how buying him an iPhone would be the best possible move on my part and said, "Man, I hope you get a big fat book deal. My iPhone hopes are depending on it!"

15. Starshine is now taking karate and is quite good at it. It's the first activity he's done where he's able to totally focus on the task at hand.

16. This past Saturday, he took his first belt test and advanced to a yellow belt.

17. This past Sunday, Clint and I had a small run-in with a stomach virus.

18. These two facts are unrelated.

19. Or they would be if Starshine hadn't raised his hand in karate class Monday afternoon and informed his instructor, his fellow students, and all the parents sitting around me, that his mom and dad were throwing up the day before.

20. I was moderately embarrassed.

21. If only I knew ...

22. From karate class, Starshine and I hit our local Kroger for a gallon of milk, which is, of course, located at the very back of our store.

23. After we got home, I was in the kitchen talking to Clint when I realized I had a hole in the seat of my pants.

24. Not along the seam or some other easily hidden area.

25. Right smack dab in the middle of my pants, visible to anyone who, say, sat behind me in the folding chairs at karate class.

26. Now I have reason to be embarrassed.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

They're After Me!



1. I am terrified of moths.

2. Here's proof.

3. I can't explain this phobia--I've been like this as long as I can remember.

4. Two nights ago, I came home from seeing a movie with Myra and sat on my front porch with my hubby and kids as night fell.

5. The kids were catching lightning bugs--thankfully Starshine no longer "catches" them by clapping his hands together.

6. Daredevil threatened to put one of them on my arm and while lightning bugs don't inspire the same level of hysteria that moths do, I still don't want creepy crawlies (or creepy fly-ies) on my body. Ever.

7. He took one look at my face and veered around me to torture Clint instead.

8. So we sat, me with my purse in my lap, Clint with his laptop, and watched our children play while the sun sank below the treeline and lightning bugs lit up the world with their butts.

9. Idyllic, right?

10. I thought so too but I was wrong.

11. W-R-O-N-G.

12. I didn't know how wrong I was until the next day, when I reached into my purse to snatch my car keys and came up with A DEAD MOTH instead.

13. I'm gagging even while I type this.

14. I touched a dead moth.

15. It was in my purse.

16. It must have flown in there while I was sitting on the porch, totally unaware of its presence.

17. I don't like the evidence that my moth-radar failed me.

18. Plus, I touched a dead moth.

19. *shudders*

20. I left the carcass where it lay (no WAY was I touching it again) and by the time I'd alerted Clint to the situation (Yes, I kill bees, spiders, and any number of other nasties without any help but I cannot dispose of one dead moth. You know you love me because I'm slightly psychotic.) the moth body was gone.

21. Probably Tinks or Spastic Kitten needed a snack.

22. I refused to consider the possibility that the moth was only playing possum because that would mean it was STILL IN MY HOUSE and the instant twitch I would develop would render me unfit for human companionship for the next forty-seven days.

23. I left for work and by the time I returned home, I was calmer.

24. In control.

25. No longer totally squicked out by the thought of a dead moth.

26. Okay, I was totally squicked out but, yanno, I touched a dead moth.

27. I changed out of my uniform, grabbed a drink, and settled in front of my computer to check my email.

28. Tinks jumped up on my desk, but rather than pay attention to me, she batted at a toy--a little plastic "lawn" with two lady bugs on it covered by a removable clear plastic bubble top--left on my desk by one of my kids after I'd gone to work.

29. Thinking she would knock the toy off the desk, I reached out, grabbed it, then took a good look at it and the inside was CRAWLING WITH LIGHTNING BUGS.

30. Because my kids are trying to kill me.

31. May they rest in peace.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Writing With Depth



Layers.

When I begin a story, I take time to get to know the characters that populate the story's world. For me, that entails watching conversations between the characters (Yes, these take place inside my head. Yes, if you aren't a writer, you find that incredibly strange.) and asking questions about the characters so I can learn them from the inside out.

It's important to learn them from the inside out. Characters, like ogres, have layers.

Or they should.

Few things turn me away from an author faster than characters who are simple parodies of the basic character archetypes. Or worse, characters who behave in ways clearly meant to help the author stick to her synopsis. These are cookie-cutter characters with zero depth and I'm simply not interested in reading unless I can sink beneath a character's skin and live there for the duration of the story.

How do writers avoid creating cookie-cutter characters? By asking questions. Then asking another. Then another until we wind our way to the heart of our character.

Layers.

For example, I'm getting to know Grace, my heroine from Twisting Fate. I've known for quite some time that she's agoraphobic but I didn't know why. Knowing why is crucial. I can't simply write her as agoraphobic and expect my reader to just accept it. Every behavior is rooted in the soil of past experience, watered with a character's perceptions of her reality, and fed a steady diet of whatever keeps that character from embracing a new behavior. Could be fear. Could be anger. Could be a desire to protect or control. Could be a combination of things but something sparked that behavior, solidified it into habit, and holds it steady within that character's mind.

Layers.

To learn why Grace is agoraphobic, I asked the following questions:

1. What symptoms of agoraphobia does she exhibit?
2. Are there any places where those symptoms don't occur?
3. Moving beyond the symptoms, what is she afraid might happen if she's in a crowd?
4. Why is she afraid of that?

By the time I answered #4, I had it. I understood the terrible, awful something that caused Grace to exhibit symptoms of agoraphobia. I knew what she feared and why. I knew the worst that could happen if she was trapped in a crowd and I knew what lived inside of her that kept her from moving away from this behavior.

Layers.

Now that I know what has Grace so twisted up inside, I can see the events of the story through her eyes, colored by her perceptions, and her actions will be based in what I've learned of her, not on what my synopsis says should happen. She'll have depth. Layers.

I also know that Grace is a courageous woman with super powers. How can courage, super powers, and agoraphobia exist in the same woman?

Layers.

I asked questions to understand the nature of Grace's courage, the choices she's currently making that look like courage/protective nature to her, and I understood what would happen when events in the story put her agoraphobia (and its cause) in direct conflict with her courage.

I did that because no character is ever just one thing. Characters, like ogres, have layers. Motives. Fears. Desires. Convictions. Blind spots. Vices. Wounds. Conflicting thoughts/behavior. The characters who struggle with these things, who let us inside their heads for a front row seat to their own private war, are the ones we love to read. The ones who keep us coming back for more.

What layers can you add to your characters by asking questions? What character trait or behavior does a character exhibit that you've yet to really explore? Better yet, what are you waiting for? Go add some layers. :)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Pigeon Mafia Strikes Again




1. Yesterday, I channeled the Pigeon Mafia while visiting our local electronics store and emerged victorious.

2. It all started on Friday, when my hubby took me to that same electronics store to hunt for an affordable laptop.

3. Turns out you don't need a Shiny New Laptop Fairy when you have a loving husband.

4. We were looking at several notebooks--all of which have ridiculously tiny keyboards AND screens. The keyboards I could probably get used to. But I wear reading glasses OVER my contacts. A small screen is not my friend.

5. A salesman came over and pointed us to a refurbished laptop that was just a bit more than the notebooks and told us, and here I quote, "The notebooks don't come with Office installed but THIS one does."

6. We confirmed this salient point with him several times, looked over our options, and decided to purchase.

7. Our first sign of trouble came the next day when Clint tried to open the Office program only to learn it was a TRIAL VERSION.

8. Say what?

9. Our fury was abated somewhat when friend and fellow writer Myra McEntire came to our rescue with a disk for Microsoft Office 2003, which is light years better than the '07 version we thought we were getting on the laptop.

10. Then, the laptop refused to turn on every time we pressed the button. Like there was a super secret code needed to activate it's power source and we, hapless fools that we were, didn't have it.

11. My fury returned, along with a healthy dose of I Might Kill Myself A Salesman, when I took it with me Monday afternoon to an appointment for Daredevil up in Nashville.

12. I had two hours of time to kill waiting for him and decided I would get the bulk of my critique reading done during that time.

13. My problem?

14. The laptop refused to turn on. Refused. I tried pressing the "on" button quickly. Slowly. Somewhere in between.

15. Nothing.

16. I texted Clint asking for advice.

17. He suggested I keep trying.

18. I did.

19. For an hour and fifteen minutes.

20. With no results.

21. With no back-up plan, I was left twiddling my thumbs and thinking of all the interesting ways I could torture that salesman and leave him huddled in the fetal position, crying for his mama.

22. By the time I got home, I was in full battle mode. Clint recognized it, grabbed the receipt and the computer's box, and we left immediately for the electronics store.

23. When we walked in, I saw two employees standing at the cash registers--the salesman who "helped" us and another man.

24. I stood in the other man's line since I was likely to open any conversation with our salesman with "You're a liar!" and usually things go downhill from there.

25. The man who helped us turned out to be an assistant manager, which was good, since I was going to ask for a manager anyway.

26. I told him the computer was defective--he proved this himself by trying several times without success to turn it on--and that we'd been lied to and I was three seconds away from demanding a refund, taking my business elsewhere, and telling everyone I know not to patronize their shop.

27. The store's policy is this: No refunds or exchanges on computers after the seal on the box has been broken. They can fix stuff under warranty and that's it.

28. My policy is this: I was lied to and was sold a computer that doesn't work. I don't want it. I want a new one that works. Now. Scratch that. Yesterday.

29. I pause here to say that I usually get what I want from salesman. This is because a) I speak respectfully, but firmly. b) I know what I want when I go into it and I'M the one making the suggestions, not passively standing by hoping they'll do right by me. c) I walk in the door with the attitude that I'm not taking NO for an answer. Salesmen can smell fear. They eat hesitancy for lunch.

30. They quickly cave to someone who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it. Respectfully, of course. (Hence the reason I didn't speak to "our" salesman.)

31. Contrary to store policy, the manager took our computer back and exchanged it for one that is 2x better, for the exact same price. :)

32. I will say this: The manager who helped us was respectful, genuine, and an all-around stand-up guy. I liked him. Clint liked him. And we're more than happy to give HIM (Not Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire) all of our electronic business.

33. I pick up my shiny new laptop Wednesday morning.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Eyes Like Stars - Act II


When we last left author Lisa Mantchev, she was bound with licorice ropes while four very mischievous fairies romped across her galleys, leaving frosted footsteps in their wake. Today, the saga continues:

Peaseblossom: So, here's the deal. Lisa's got revisions on the second theater book.


Cobweb: Perchance to Pudding.


Moth: No... it was something about sleeping.


Mustardseed: To sleep, perchance to pillow-drool.


Cobweb: I wasn't going to say anything, but she totally does. And snore!


(There's a hail of giggling before a chorus of thumps and "ow!" from the boys.)


Peaseblossom: (with an angelic clearing of her throat) So she asked us to do this guest blog thing on her behalf.


Cobweb: The licorice ropes were totally her idea.


Moth: They weren't, but they are for her own good.


Mustardseed: Otherwise she gets on that Tweeter-thing and totally forgets about us.


Peaseblossom: (over the top of the boys) What they mean to say is, writers have some Very Bad Habits.


Moth: Not as bad as forgetting to make dessert, but Bad Enough.


Cobweb: And it's not just Tweeter... it's that Bookface, and a OurPlace and the website.


(Chorus of groans.)


Mustardseed: Don't even get me started on the website! And I'm still mad we weren't invited to the cake-wrecking.


Peaseblossom: (with an audible smirk) That's because you three can't take direction!


(A fight breaks out amongst them, with the sounds of punching and shoving and the smashing of crockery. Very faintly, in the background, Lisa can be heard, chewing through her gag of Fruit Roll-up.)


Will Lisa chew through her Fruit Roll-up gag in time to complete her revisions? Or will Peaseblossom and the boys take over the book? Tune in next week for Act III!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Life Lesson #487

If one is foolish enough to remove one's contacts directly after brushing one's teeth, one should be absolutely certain one has removed all traces of minty freshness from one's fingertips before sticking said fingertips into one's eye.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Upcoming Contests

The Golden Pen:

The 11th Annual Golden Pen contest is now accepting entries! Receive first round feedback from published authors and RWA® Golden Heart® finalists.

FINAL ROUND JUDGES:

Series Contemporary Romance: Susan Litman, Editor, Harlequin
Single Title: Jennifer Enderlin, Executive Editor, St. Martin's Press
Historical: Allison Brandau, Assistant Editor, Berkley
Paranormal: Kerry Donovan, Associate Editor, NAL
Romantic Suspense: Megan McKeever, Associate Editor, Pocket Books
Inspirational: Melissa Endlich, Senior Editor, Steeple Hill
Young Adult: Regina Griffin, Executive Editor, Egmont USA
Novel with Strong Romantic Elements:Valerie Gray, Executive Editor, Mira

***Final round judges are subject to change due to unforeseen circumstances.***

Entries must be submitted by August 15. We reserve the right to cap entries at 150 total, so please enter early to secure your spot.

Visit http://www.thegoldennetwork.com/goldenpen.html for more information.


Melody of Love

My home chapter's contest still has room for entries and has some fantastic final round judges lined up. Check it out here.

Monday, June 15, 2009

More Random Than Usual



1. I'm guest blogging today on how to write an excellent hook. Go forth and comment.

2. Many of you know my not-so-secret ambition to one day take over the world using nothing more than stilettos, pickled okra, and my titanium spork.

3. Yesterday, Spastic Kitten proved beyond a doubt that all one needs for successful world domination is estrogen and mental instability.

4. If I were the curious sort, I might wonder at the half-eaten slice of pizza resting on my bathroom floor this morning.

5. Fortunately, having boys has cured me of that pesky "I'd like to get to the bottom of this one!" attitude and left me with a firm belief that ignorance is often the only way to get any sleep at night.

6. I've got all of the content for the Fate Trilogy website outlined and organized.

7. Now, I just have to write and/or gather it together.

8. Can't wait to show off the finished site!

9. Yesterday, while teaching Sunday school for three-year-olds, I overheard one little girl say to another, "Hey, let's play! I'll be Lady, you be the Tramp!"

10. I laughed for an inappropriate amount of time.

11. My sister sent me the movie "Clue" and we watched it Saturday night.

12. Definitely one of my all-time favorites. Some of the best subtle humor and one-liners in the history of movies.

13. Because my laundry pile has now officially joined the Evil League of Evil, I must soon take arms against it and teach it who's boss.

14. It's a nasty business, but I've got my secret weapon: Spastic Kitten.

15. This week, I'll be critiquing many, many pages for two CPs, working on the content for the website, and doing my best to bring you salient, informative, inspirational blog posts (like this one!) every day.

16. Now, I'd love to stay and chat but it's Laundry vs. C.J., Round One.

17. Let the mayhem begin!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Eyes Like Stars



When I told Lisa Mantchev I was fascinated by the idea behind her upcoming book, Eyes Like Stars, she offered to send me an ARC (Advanced Reading Copy) to see what I thought. I loved it. Wholeheartedly and unreservedly. It's a fascinating concept, a visual banquet, and the kind of book that lingers in the imagination for days. Seriously, how can you not love a book with Hamlet's Ophelia, the fairies from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream, and a girl who dyes her hair cobalt blue but forgets to let it dry before she jumps head-first into her next adventure?

I loved it so much, I invited Lisa to be a guest on my blog for several posts leading up to July 7th, the day you can head out to your local bookstore and pick up Eyes Like Stars for yourself.

Lisa Mantchev grew up in the small Northern California town of Ukiah. She can pinpoint her first forays into fiction to the short stories she thumped out on an ancient typewriter. Playwriting came a few years later with an adaptation of Maeterlinck's The Blue Bird for May Day Festival in the fourth grade. She makes her home on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington state with her husband Angel, her daughter Amélie and four hairy miscreant dogs. When not scribbling, she can be found on the beach, up a tree, making jam or repairing things with her trusty glue gun. Eyes Like Stars is her first novel. Find out more here.

A little bit about Eyes Like Stars, just to whet your appetite:

Beatrice Shakespeare Smith is not an actress, yet she lives in a theater.

She is not an orphan, but she has no parents.

She knows every part, but has no lines of her own.

Until now.

Welcome to the Théâtre Illuminata, where the characters of every place ever written can be found behind the curtain. They were born to play their parts, and are bound to the Théâtre by The Book—an ancient and magical tome of scripts. Bertie is not one of them, but they are her family—and she is about to lose them all and the only home she has ever known.


Since the four fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream play a big part in ELS, creating mischief and mayhem in their wake, I asked Lisa to share with us five sure signs of a fairy infestation. She tried. She really did. Here, in her own words, is the result of her effort:

Five Signs of Fairy Infestation:

1) Footprints in the cupcakes---

*a scuffle is heard as the laptop is jerked away from its hapless owner*

Mustardseed: I TOLD YOU she was talking about us.

Moth: *ties up the aforementioned author with a licorice whips.* It's not like she was lying. You have frosting all over your shoes.

Mustardseed: Easily remedied. *he licks the bottoms of his boots*

Peaseblossom: You're going to get dog hair in your mouth again. You know these author types are terrible housekeepers.

Cobweb: *entering belatedly* Halp!

Moth: What happened to you? You're covered in gunk.

Cobweb: *landing on the table and dripping on a stack of proofs* That drooling monster tried to eat me again!!

Mustardseed: The dog, or the kid?


Stay tuned next week to see if Lisa gets free of the licorice whips, rescues her pile of proofs, and manages to hide the cupcakes from four very determined fairies!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Essential Mom-Of-Boys Skill #27 -- Kung Fu



1. I didn't blog Fri-Sun. I didn't really Twitter. I barely answered email.

2. Why?

3. Because Clint was in L.A. for TNT's summer drama kickoff and I was here.

4. In my house.

5. With three boys.

6. The entire weekend was a cross between Mary Poppins and Apocalypse Now.

7. I'm still trying to recover.

8. The boys have a new game on the computer called Plants vs. Zombies.

9. It may be the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

10. One of the levels is titled "All Your Brains Are Belong To Us" which just cracked me up.

11. No Zombie Goats on the game, though, but I guess the game-makers couldn't think of everything.

12. I've been busy working with my webmistress on the Fate Trilogy site and it's going to rock.

13. =D

14. Anyone looking for a fantastic YA author (paranormals written in gorgeous, liquid prose) should read Maggie Stiefvater's Shiver. Her earlier work--Lament--is amazing too.

15. Off to take Starshine to karate class. Hi-yah!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Guest Blogger: Author Beth Trissel

Beth, a fellow Pixie, had a busy May with three book releases! Her writing is rich in historical detail and vivid descriptions that transport her readers to another time and place. Daughter of the Wind is already garnering rave reviews and winning contests and I asked Beth to give us a peek into her own rich family history and how that influences her passion for the past.




As Galadriel said to Frodo in The Lord of the Rings, “You are a Ring-bearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone.”

To be passionate about history so that you feel it in your very essence and long to commune with the past is often to be alone. One profound way I’ve found to connect with those who’ve gone before me is through my writing.

Years ago, while researching family genealogy, I gained the inspiration to write historical romance novels set in early America. Raw, powerful, the colonial frontier drew me with stirring tales of the French and Indian War, Pontiac and Dunmore’s War. My ancestors had interactions with the most feared tribe of that day, the Shawnee, including family members taken captive. Much of my writing features my early Scot-Irish forebears who settled in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia and surrounding mountains.

This communion with the past is my motivation for the novels I create, not the market; I was informed early on by New York editors that I should write other settings, preferably European. I ignored them. And they never published me. J But if I have no urge to visit a particular past, I won’t go there. I suspect this sets me apart from many writers. I’m thankful that at the Wild Rose Press a good story is judged according to its merits and not the perceived popularity of the time period.

So, welcome to the colonial frontier where the men fire muskets and wield tomahawks and the women are wildcats when threatened. Hear the primal howl of a wolf and the liquid spill of a mountain stream. Are those war whoops in the distance? Ever heard of bear walking?

Daughter of the Wind is a light paranormal romance with strong American historical roots. Set among the clannish Scots-Irish in the mist-shrouded Alleghenies, it's a tale of the clash between peoples and young lovers caught in the middle. Ever influenced by my regard for Eastern Woodland Indians, I interwove mystical, Native American elements with 'Daughter.'

Through the Fire is an adventure romance with a Last of the Mohicans flavor and a mystical weave. Some of the most unusual aspects of this story are based on individuals who really lived. A passionate love story set during the French and Indian War, Through the Fire has finaled in more contests than any I've written, including the 2008 Golden Heart®.

Not to neglect my fascination with the Revolutionary War and gracious old homes. Stick around for a wild ride into Carolina Back County and the battle between Patriots and Tories. Our hero is the former and our heroine the latter––hey, it happened.

Enemy of the King, a historical romance with paranormal element, is my version of The Patriot. A big fan of Daphne Du Maurier since my teens, I was also influenced by her mystery/ghost story, Rebecca. Our Virginia home place, circa 1816, and other early homes left deep impressions on me. I've long harbored suspicions that sometimes those who've gone before us are not entirely gone.

All my new releases are available in both digital download and paperback from The Wild Rose Press and all major online booksellers. Local bookstores can order them in.

For more on my work please visit www.bethtrissel.com

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Seek And Ye Shall Find!

Time once again to look at the interesting, enlightened and downright bizarre search terms readers used to find this blog.

1. What does don't start something you can't finish on your own mean?: I appreciate an honest question and will strive to give you a helpful answer. It means don't start something you can't finish on your own. All clear now?

2. Pirate Comic Cakes: Oh, this is a fabulous idea! I might be in love with you, just a little.

3. Randy Jackson Action Figure: Um, seriously? You want one of these? Couldn't you just grab a regular doll and say "Yo, yo, yo...so check it out, dawg" a few times? No? Well, I don't have a Randy Jackson action figure but I do have *drum roll* Pregnant Padme!



You know you want one.

4. Zombie Natural Predators: Now this is a search term I can get behind! While every region has their own go-to methods for destroying zombies (The South is partial to soaking Redneck Tank Tops in moonshine, wrapping them around an arrow, lighting them on fire, and then shooting from the top of their 4x4 as they drive by.) the universally acknowledged zombie predator is the Zombie Cat who, once domesticated, will keep all brain-sucking entities away from you. Except for Hulu. You're on your own there.

5. Hot dogs with cream cheese: No. Just ... no.

6. Doctor finger up the site: In general, I find it helpful to be much more specific when searching for medical information. For example, I would have substituted "site" for a more descriptive word. Like nasal cavity. Or rectum. But, yanno, whatever works for you.

7. Flaming Moose: Any time I begin to worry that I might be losing my flair for subtle, highbrow entertainment, I look to search terms like this and realize I've still got it. Where else would you find people reading about doctor fingers "up the site", Zombie Cats, and flaming moose? Mooses? Meece? Whatever.

8. Top Ten Llamas: I'm curious. How would you rank llamas to determine the top ten? Attitude? Range of spit? Smell?

9. Chocolate tomatoes: My friend, stop right there. That entire idea is an abomination. Chocolate goes well with many things. Tomatoes go well with many things. That doesn't mean combining them is smart.

10. What is the right amount of dark chocolate to consume?: What is this? Chocolate consumption for the anal-retentive? Loosen up a bit. The point of eating chocolate is that there are no rules.

11. Redneck word for underwear: Um ... underwear? It isn't the verbage that signals redneck status, my friend. It's the alternative usage that gives the redneck away. Keep reading.

And my personal favorite:

12. Make your own bra men's tighty whities: See #11? THIS is cause for redneck status. I find it infinitely disturbing that the girl in our Redneck Tank Top post isn't alone in her quest to use men's underwear in ways God never intended.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Lexicons, Contests, and a Man's Scoop



1. I've had a busy weekend and missed my usual Monday post.

2. I have good reasons. I'd love to tell you those reasons but as that would reveal my location to certain ... ahem ... law enforcement officials, I must demur.

3. We took the kids out for dinner the other night and allowed them to get a scoop of ice cream off the kid's menu for dessert.

4. Daredevil looked at our waitress and said, "I don't want a kid's scoop. I want a man's scoop."

5. When the waitress brought his ice cream, Daredevil looked at it and said, "I didn't order this! I ordered a man's scoop. It should be big and bold."

6. Oy.

7. My friend Katy is giving away a copy of Yasmine Galenorn's new release here. Go check it out!

8. I commented once on The Five Randoms last month and just got an email saying I'd won their commenting contest and would get copies of the four books they reviewed in May, including Melissa Marr's FRAGILE ETERNITY which I'd planned to beg, borrow, or steal next week.

9. I never win drawings so this is really cool. Plus, it saves me from going to jail over a book.

10. Melissa Marr is kind of worth it, though.

11. Speaking of Melissa Marr, I can't find my copy of WICKED LOVELY. If I let you borrow it, will you please let me know?

12. Swiss cheese for a brain here, folks. It's kind of disturbing.

13. I'm so excited to announce that I'm setting up a Fate Trilogy lexicon site with Crystal Posey as my webmistress.

14. The site will feature author bio/interviews, character bios & interviews, outtake scenes that didn't make it into the novel, pre-story scenes, a Lost Legend section detailing the mythology behind Fate, and eventually links to my book trailer and a fan forum, if I decide to set one up.

15. We're in the design and build content stage but it will go live in a few months.

16. Tinks and Spastic Kitten are trying to kill each other in front of my desk.

17. Tinks has Spastic Kitten by five pounds but one should never discount the advantage of severe mental instability.

18. And it's Spastic Kitten for the win!

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