Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Dibs

My hubby and I had an argument of sorts the other day. One which I won because he finally called me a dork and walked away. If you quit the battlefield, you might as well wave a white flag and hand me a handwritten note acknowledging the brilliance of my logic.

Besides, I had the unalienable right of DIBS on my side. HIS dibs. Which he can not take back, no matter how much he might wish he could.

What did we argue about? Well ... we started this disagreement years ago over the salient issue of french fries and ended up two days ago agreeing that I get the next new car we buy.

Mind you, he didn't verbally agree to this new car arrangement, but he did quit the battlefield because in the face of my unassailable logic, he could find nothing to say but "dork." Which isn't very insulting, considering the fact that in the future I will be driving this:

I am C.J.'s future sexy car by right of DIBS.

How did we get from french fries to a sexy new Audi? How did my hubby relinquish his right to choose the next new vehicle? Fasten your seat belts, kids. You're about to get schooled in C.J. Logic.

1. My hubby thinks In N Out Burger is sanctified food fit for the angels themselves.

2. He loves In N Out so much, while on our trip to China, we spent our brief layover in Los Angeles LEAVING the airport to go dine at the closest In N Out. AND we had to film the experience.

3. I think In N Out is fine. The shakes are good enough. The burgers are edible. But the fries? Holy cow, the fries are the equivalent of listening to Kenny G, the elevator years, when in the room next door you could be listening to Miles Davis. Live.

4. My hubby thinks the fact that I find In N Out's fries tasteless is a sign of some sort of brain damage. He also calls it blasphemy. And has spent countless minutes trying to talk me out of this opinion.

5. Because explaining to someone WHY they should like a certain food they find disgusting usually does the trick.

6. I've remained steadfast in my resistance to this heathen gospel. A fry should be crisp. A little salty. An tidy little explosion of taste. Not a limp, chewy travesty I could use in a future origami project.

7. If I was any good at origami.

8. For nearly seventeen years of marriage, we've managed to accept these differences of opinion without crossing any lines.

9. But this past Sunday? A line was CROSSED.

10. We have two cars. For years, the mini van has been my vehicle and the Explorer has been my hubby's. But lately, the Explorer has been acting up, and since my hubby has the longer commute, he switched to driving the van.

11. I didn't consider that to be "dibs" and was more than willing to have him replace the Explorer with a car of his choice.

12. But now?

13. This:


14. Because when I drove the Explorer into the driveway on Sunday, I noticed something on the back of the van. Something I would NEVER have on my vehicle.

15. Something that proclaims love and loyalty.

16. This:



17. Bumper stickers. Plural. One for the driver's side. One for the passenger's side.

18. Not on HIS car. Noooo. On mine.

19. Really?

20. I marched inside and asked him what in the world he was doing putting In N Out bumper stickers on the van? Only to be informed that he'd also given permission to the teenager to put his guitar brand name bumper stickers on it as well.

21. REALLY??

22. So, I promptly congratulated him on claiming DIBS on the mini van.

23. He began arguing.

24. I remained steadfast. Slapping your favorite bumper stickers on a car is the equivalent of a dog peeing on every tree in his yard.

25. It's YOURS.

26. Which means, by default, I get the next new car.

27. When I would not be swayed by statements like "But it's just a few stickers." and "But you like their shakes.", my hubby resorted to calling me a dork and leaving the room.

28. Which is fine.

29. I may be a dork, but I'm about to be a dork with an Audi.

15 comments:

  1. Oh yeah, you won this one HANDS DOWN! He has claimed it as his own with the stickers! (Sorry Clint - gotta side with CJ on this one!)

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  2. Their are some errors in your logic.
    1)In and Out is amazing- so clearly there is some issue in your brain that puts all your logic in doubt.
    2)Your husband is driving a minivan to work for the sake of his family's financial needs- let him reclaim some of his manhood by bumper stickering it with the best burger place in the world.
    3)Since your son also has a bumper sticker on the van, it is then, by your logic, just as much his that it is Clint's- therefore the van should go to your son and Clint should get the Audi.
    4)Unless... you make mad money on your new book deal- then Clint should let you have the Audi since you can afford it and he doesn't want you to run off with some younger, In and Out hating, man. ;)

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  3. Cindy - Thank you.

    Jake - I totally expected you to argue with me on this! lol (But I appreciate point #4. And I also appreciate the idea of making the teenager drive a mini van.)

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  4. I do like in and out burger, but you got dibs. I would totally go for the Audi--perfect choice.

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  5. Right there with you on limp fries, Girl. And yes, by any token of the imagination putting even one sticker onto an object makes it yours. :P

    (not that Clint should be at all surprised I sided with you on this!)
    K

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  6. Your logic makes perfect sense to me. But with the Audi--where will you put the kids, especially the car seat?

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  7. What happens when you get the Audi and he puts a bunch of In N Out bumper stickers on it?

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  8. Kay - I won't need to put the kids in the Audi. We'll still have the van. :) On days when I have to run errands with ALL the kids, not just the baby, I'll let him drive the Audi.

    Sandy - Then I'll get to collect on his life insurance policy.

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  9. Christine - Isn't the Audi the perfect choice? Love.

    Katy - *snort* Of course he isn't surprised, lol.

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  10. Don't put a teenager in a minivan. WAY too much room in the back.

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  11. This made me smile, especially in light of recent developments. My hubby's truck was stolen from our parking lot last night. I had dibs on the next new car because mine is older and is paid off, but I guess now he has dibs. And I guess I'm okay with that. Cause it could always be worse, right?

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  12. 1st, I noticed a new post up with a GORGEOUS car, so of course I had to come see it.
    2nd, In & Out is nothing special. The burgers are ok. I think the fries are ok. I wouldn't go out of my way (like leaving the airport to find one.) Even though there are a few here. I'd pick something else...
    3rd, I am a fan of the soft fries. : D I don't like hard fries. Yes, I'm weird, you should have already figured that out.
    4th, I *love* your logic!

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  13. Honestly, I wouldn't mind having a bumper sticker on his Van. Don't worry Clint I'm with you on this!

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  14. I'm all with CJ on this and even my husband said, as I was telling him this story and got to the bumper sticker aspect, "That's like a dog peeing on the tires!" I kid you not. LOL

    Jake, all your #4 logic is a good one, I take exception to the manhood statement. How is it a loss of manhood to drive a car that's okay for his wife to drive when most people get a mini van to accomodate the children?? (except us LOL our minivan didn't have a back seat because we were roadies who helped with road shows ;P)Sorry, but that isn't a good enough excuse to la a counter-claim against the dibs he pulled by not only putting a sticker on but allowing the teen to put a sticker on as well. NO this doesn't give teen dibs, because it was dad who ok'd the process LOLOL That's like a double dibs from dad.


    This post cracked me up as usual! Thanks for the laugh.

    and as blogger is currently having a fight with my computer over comments, This is posting as anonymous ;(

    Leona

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