Cue the Geriatric Bull Moose!
1. Last week was a busy week.
2. There was the release of my QUERY book on Amazon and Nook, which was exciting.
3. There were the final preparations for my upcoming cover reveal on the 23rd, which were also exciting. (Because HOLY COW do I love my cover!!)
4. And there was a bout of stomach flu that each of my boys caught which was not exciting in the least.
5. Unless, of course, you think being awakened at 3 in the morning by a child telling you he's just puked all over his carpeted floor is exciting.
6. Usually, I can roll with stuff like this without much of a problem.
7. Unlike my hubby who gets one whiff and joins the hork fest.
8. But this time ... THIS TIME, dear reader, I could barely hang on to my cookies.
9. I don't know why.
10. I just know that I gagged and choked and nearly lost it several times.
11. I tell you all of this so you will understand the following story.
12. If you are super, super squeamish, you may want to consider skimming past the next few points.
13. Actually, if you are super, super squeamish, you might want to consider not reading most of my blog posts because I do some really stupid squeamish-y stuff all the time.
14. Anyway, after spending the week taking care of sick kiddos (and thankfully never getting the virus myself), my fibromyalgia sat up and said YOU ARE GOING DOWN, SISTER.
15. And I got body aches and sore throat and all the lovely things that go along with my body calling it quits for a few days.
16. Only I couldn't call it quits.
17. Because I was scheduled to give my query workshop to the Heart of Dixie RWA chapter in Alabama on Saturday.
18. So, my hubby bought me some Thera-flu, and I prepared to suck it up and perform.
19. I boiled some water, mixed in the daytime Thera-flu, poured it into my thermos, and headed out the door.
20. The problem hit when I was exiting my neighborhood and driving into my city.
21. I slid the tab open on the lid of my thermos, lifted it to to my face, inhaled the fragrant steam that was wafting out of the opening ...
22. And gagged like my lower intestines wanted to say hello to my nasal cavities.
24. Because something about the medicinal/berry smell of the Thera-flu combined with the metal rim of my thermos smelled EXACTLY like the puke I'd cleaned up a few nights earlier.
25. Oh, reader.
26. I cannot even begin to tell you ...
27. I mean, I knew it wasn't vomit. I knew it.
28. But it didn't matter. My brain had associated the two smells and the two had become one.
29. Unfortunately, I was still feeling sick. And was still on my way to another state where I needed to be on all day.
30. Which left me with but one choice.
31. Plug my nose and drink.
32. This was easier said that done. The fact that I couldn't physically smell it anymore made no difference to my brain.
33. Scent memory hit me every time I lifted the thermos to my lips. It took an act of extreme willpower to force myself to take a sip.
34. Even more willpower to swallow before my gag reflex kicked in.
35. But I did it. Because the only thing worse than swallowing it would be to gag and have vomit-scented Thera-flu shoot out my nose.
36. I'd be smelling it all day.
37. And I don't think the HoD folks would've appreciated a workshop given by a woman who paused to gag vociferously every few seconds throughout her presentation.
38. As a side note, my gag reflex sounds an awful lot like the desperate mating call of a geriatric bull moose.
39. Sexy, I know.
40. And to attempt to tie this entire post into a nice tidy little bow, I'll bring us full circle and refer back up to the pic at the top.
41. This is entirely true for me.
42. In honor of Valentine's Day (which is a holiday I honestly could care less about, but whatever), I give you a brief insight into what happens when I try to be sexy or sophisticated.
43. Oh, yes. That is soooo me.