Monday, February 13, 2012

Cue the Geriatric Bull Moose!

1. Last week was a busy week.

2. There was the release of my QUERY book on Amazon and Nook, which was exciting.

3. There were the final preparations for my upcoming cover reveal on the 23rd, which were also exciting. (Because HOLY COW do I love my cover!!)

4. And there was a bout of stomach flu that each of my boys caught which was not exciting in the least.

5. Unless, of course, you think being awakened at 3 in the morning by a child telling you he's just puked all over his carpeted floor is exciting.

6. Usually, I can roll with stuff like this without much of a problem.

7. Unlike my hubby who gets one whiff and joins the hork fest.

8. But this time ... THIS TIME, dear reader, I could barely hang on to my cookies.

9. I don't know why.

10. I just know that I gagged and choked and nearly lost it several times.

11. I tell you all of this so you will understand the following story.

12. If you are super, super squeamish, you may want to consider skimming past the next few points.

13. Actually, if you are super, super squeamish, you might want to consider not reading most of my blog posts because I do some really stupid squeamish-y stuff all the time.

14. Anyway, after spending the week taking care of sick kiddos (and thankfully never getting the virus myself), my fibromyalgia sat up and said YOU ARE GOING DOWN, SISTER.

15. And I got body aches and sore throat and all the lovely things that go along with my body calling it quits for a few days.

16. Only I couldn't call it quits.

17. Because I was scheduled to give my query workshop to the Heart of Dixie RWA chapter in Alabama on Saturday.

18. So, my hubby bought me some Thera-flu, and I prepared to suck it up and perform.

19. I boiled some water, mixed in the daytime Thera-flu, poured it into my thermos, and headed out the door.

20. The problem hit when I was exiting my neighborhood and driving into my city.

21. I slid the tab open on the lid of my thermos, lifted it to to my face, inhaled the fragrant steam that was wafting out of the opening ...

22. And gagged like my lower intestines wanted to say hello to my nasal cavities.

23. Why?

24. Because something about the medicinal/berry smell of the Thera-flu combined with the metal rim of my thermos smelled EXACTLY like the puke I'd cleaned up a few nights earlier.

25. Oh, reader.

26. I cannot even begin to tell you ...

27. I mean, I knew it wasn't vomit. I knew it.

28. But it didn't matter. My brain had associated the two smells and the two had become one.

29. Unfortunately, I was still feeling sick. And was still on my way to another state where I needed to be on all day.

30. Which left me with but one choice.

31. Plug my nose and drink.

32. This was easier said that done. The fact that I couldn't physically smell it anymore made no difference to my brain.

33. Scent memory hit me every time I lifted the thermos to my lips. It took an act of extreme willpower to force myself to take a sip.

34. Even more willpower to swallow before my gag reflex kicked in.

35. But I did it. Because the only thing worse than swallowing it would be to gag and have vomit-scented Thera-flu shoot out my nose.

36. I'd be smelling it all day.

37. And I don't think the HoD folks would've appreciated a workshop given by a woman who paused to gag vociferously every few seconds throughout her presentation.

38. As a side note, my gag reflex sounds an awful lot like the desperate mating call of a geriatric bull moose.

39. Sexy, I know.

40. And to attempt to tie this entire post into a nice tidy little bow, I'll bring us full circle and refer back up to the pic at the top.

41. This is entirely true for me.

42. In honor of Valentine's Day (which is a holiday I honestly could care less about, but whatever), I give you a brief insight into what happens when I try to be sexy or sophisticated.

43. Oh, yes. That is soooo me.


  1. Dude. I had the exact same gaggy experience last week with Child and vomit on the carpet. I BARELY barely barely managed.

    Whined to husband about it later (after Child was all better) and he asked if I was expecting an award.


    I think there SHOULD be an award for that. The "I cleaned up my kid's puke without adding to it myself" award.


    1. I think if hubby wants to be snarktastic about it, he can be the one to clean up the puke and hold on to the contents of his stomach next time.

  2. My mom has fibromyalgia and I know how brutal it can be. She had it before it was very distinguishable to doctors, so she went through a list of misdiagosis. Crazy. I feel for you.

    1. Oh, that's rough! I had to go through a few drs to find one who actually listened. One was enlightened enough to tell me to whistle a happy tune and I'd feel better.

      I can't actually put my reaction to that response into print. >.<

  3. Yikes! And sorry to hear everyone's been sick. Hope you are all feeling better now!

    And yeah… that's so me too. :-P

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Let's try that again. :) Thank you!! Awkward FTW!

  4. This is awesome - that picture made my valentines ;)

    1. That picture made me laugh so hard! The only reason I'm not in a pic like that is that no one has yet had a digital camera poised and ready when I've done stuff like that.

  5. Wow. I relate to this post on soooo many levels. The quote! The picture! The barf! If I were trying to drink the Thera-flu, I would've been thinking, "I'm drinking barf, I'm drinking barf, I'm drinking barf." Not that that's helpful. Just that it can't be helped. Hope you're feeling better!

    1. I kept thinking the same thing! And then I would force myself to think of happy things. Like puppies and unicorns and ... two seconds later I'd be back to thinking "I'm swallowing puke!"

  6. Thanks. I so needed that laugh. I hope your feeling better! Can't wait for the cover reveal.

    1. Almost better! And yes, I can't wait for the cover reveal either!! :)

  7. So sorry you went through all that. Been there done that. Except for the Thera-flu thing.

    But what really stays with me is ... YOU GOT YOUR COVER!!! I WANT TO SEE IT!!! WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!?!

    1. Oh, my cover is a thing of beauty. Harper just hit it out of the park! You can see it ... February 23rd!! :)

    2. Getting the cover is so exciting! Looking forward to seeing it!

  8. I don't think I could've managed the drink after having that sensory recollection. Then again, what makes me gag is loose wet hair in the shower drain. You're welcome.

    1. Well, I'm the girl who gags whenever someone says "green beans" in my presence. *cue GAG* Good to know I'm not the only crazy one in the family.

  9. We have a "barf on the linoleum" rule in my house. Try a little lotion or chapstick right under your nostrils to ward off evil puke smells while cleaning up.

  10. Well, you're stronger than I am because I would have never been able to down the Theraflu. My gag reflex is so strong that in college I'd suffer through colds unmedicated because the Robitussin would come back up as soon as it went down, even holding my nose. Things improved after my roommate introduced me to Triaminic (Mary Poppins WAS right!) and I've recently found I can handle the Rob. when it's encapsulated in the gelatin tabs. Nope, I would have pulled over, dumped the container, thrown the empty container in the trunk to keep any fumes from wafting in and causing me to gag again, then driven by the nearest pharmacy in search of something in gel cap form. Those HoD gals would have been in serious risk of getting me but not my brain.


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