Wednesday, February 8, 2012

QUERY-palooza: Day Three

As always, I used to choose today's winner of the free query critique. Here is the winning query:

Super Duper Agent
City, State Zip

Dear Super Duper Agent:

Fifteen-year-old Britt Donnelly is used to getting what she wants, thanks to her fourth class witch powers. In the last four years, she’s made herself the most popular girl in her class at Lincoln High, spelled herself into a leadership spot on the cheerleading squad, and earned top notch grades despite not actually learning anything. Most recently, she “persuaded” the junior running back that he should take her to Homecoming, even though the dance is still almost two months away. Life is absolutely perfect in her eyes. This is a fabulous first paragraph. We get a good sense of who Britt is, where her ethics/agenda lie, and what her life is like as the story starts.

But when Marc Trent moves back to town, Britt realizes that her view of “perfect” wasn’t even close…because Marc is the epitome of perfect. (I don’t think you need the “because…perfect.” Feels redundant.) He’s beautiful in a way she’s never seen before (add comma) and now she must have him. Problem is, he isn’t taking to her charms, and her persuading spells that work on everyone else aren’t working on him. Worse yet, if she doesn’t hurry, her best friend Haylie will steal Marc away from her. She sees only one possible solution – to complete an illegal-for-her-age love spell. Very good set-up of the conflict!

When the spell backfires, Britt finds herself in a mess she can’t spell herself out of. Her popularity status disappears, her friends choose sides, and all her magical powers are taken away. With the interest of a guy she never would have known if not for her illegal spell, Britt learns the hard way that sometimes it takes losing everything to discover what you really want. Nice! I understand how it all goes wrong, and what Britt must do to come out the other side.

_____________ is a young adult paranormal/contemporary romance novel complete at 70,000 words and can best be described as a mix of the 80’s movies Teen Witch and Can’t Buy Me Love. I’m a member of the SCBWI Midsouth Region and YALitChat group. Thank you for your time. Love it, except for the overly long genre description. This is a young adult paranormal romance. :)

Excellent job! I think you're ready to start querying this. Best of luck to you!

Sincerely, Me

Want your own personal query guru to help you craft an amazing query letter? QUERY: Everything you need to get started, get noticed, and get signed is available now! Full of research, innovative tools, and strategies every writer can use to query well, QUERY is available for the introductory price of $2.99 on Kindle and Nook.


  1. I appreciate you taking the time to look it over and I'll make that one change. Thank you so much!


  2. It's always interesting to see what other people are writing. Seems like a strong query. Best of luck!


People who comment are made of awesomesauce with a side of WIN!

A Bad Culinary Decision

A few days ago, on a whim, I bought a bag of Lay's Potato Chips in their new Chicken and Waffles flavor. I figured my kids (who love bot...