tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4982069049641262423.post2046530368230820228..comments2024-01-01T21:34:29.568-06:00Comments on C.J. Redwine: Revise, Revise, Revise!C.J. Redwinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18133349802945244028noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4982069049641262423.post-55188960695754303572007-07-06T09:38:00.000-05:002007-07-06T09:38:00.000-05:00I think a nice combination of the two openings wou...I think a nice combination of the two openings would do it. I like the darker tone of the first better and it seems more suspensful but I think you could get her voice in there right after "It's not as crazy as it sounds".<BR/><BR/>Having read samples of your writing, I'm confident you'll kick ass on the final revision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4982069049641262423.post-69266321182471196852007-07-05T21:41:00.000-05:002007-07-05T21:41:00.000-05:00Thanks for the input!! I like your suggestion. I...Thanks for the input!! I like your suggestion. I do think the original opening captures the darker, more suspensful tone I want but I think I need to add a little something...<BR/><BR/>I'll get some more input and keep playing around with it. I appreciate your two cents!C.J. Redwinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18133349802945244028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4982069049641262423.post-9793201526686425572007-07-05T12:05:00.000-05:002007-07-05T12:05:00.000-05:00I found your blog from the 'Hook' contest over at ...I found your blog from the 'Hook' contest over at Fangs Fur and Fey and just wanted to give my two cents worth on this. (This is just one small reader's opinion...take at your own peril) ---<BR/><BR/> Since you were one of the hook winners picked, and I got to read your first five pages, the single most important thing that grabbed me right up front was your original opening paragraph. <BR/> It immediately set this tightly paced, exciting tone that made me sit up and say, wow this book sounds GOOD! (That's my honest opinion, no fake cheerfulness or anything.) <BR/> Truthfully, I think your original opening was a much better 'original' voice. The revised opening made me start to skim after two sentences b/c I felt like it was just 'another' chick lit book. <BR/> That being said, I can see the conflict (in the original) in transitioning smoothly to her clinging to the edge of the building. It is a little confusing from the opening paragraph. <BR/>So, my suggestion? (Please see warning above) Would be to keep the original opening, all the way up to the 'It's not as crazy as it sounds' and maybe add in something AFTER that to transition to the "Why else would I be clinging..." part. <BR/> As far as what to add? I don't really have any ideas there, but since reading through the rest of this chapter on your blog, I don't think you'll have any trouble coming up with something awesome. (If you do decide to come up with something, that is...)<BR/>---Jessica V.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com