The Last Word

February! AKA: Holy Awesomesauce, Batgirl!

2012-01-31T14:35:00.001-06:00

February is going to be a month full of HOLY AWESOMESAUCE, BATGIRL on this blog. Are you ready for it? Behold!

Feb 1:     Beth Revis takes on our newest interviewer, Giselle (the French pink sock monkey) and gives away a signed copy of her newest book, A MILLION SUNS.

Feb 3:     The last day to submit an entry in QUERY-palooza. (Five free query critiques, yo. Why are you still staring at this? Go enter!)

Feb 6:      QUERY-palooza, Day 1. Plus, the release of my query handbook at a special introductary price!

Feb 6-10: QUERY-palooza!!

Feb 8, 9, 16, 22: Author Mad Libs featuring debut authors Jessica Spotswood and Emily Danforth, plus crowd favorites Kelly Keaton and Rachel Hawkins!

Feb 23:    DEFIANCE cover and synopsis reveal!!! This will take place over at the amazing YABooksCentral. Have you joined and friended me yet? What are you waiting for?

Feb 29:    What am I doing with my extra February day? I'm inviting my editor Kristin Rens onto the blog for an interview and the first giveaway for an ARC of DEFIANCE! I will be giving away less than 10 ARCs of DEFIANCE between now and August 28th. Here's your chance for one of them!

Trailer for INCARNATE

2012-01-31T07:32:00.000-06:00

Today's book trailer is for one of my favorite books of 2012. INCARNATE is beautiful, dramatic, and makes the reader wrestle with deep questions. It also has one of the best kissing scenes ever. :) What do you think?

Mad Libs: Kami Kinard

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's Author Mad Libs guest is Kami Kinard whose book THE BOY PROJECT just hit the shelves. Kami received a list of parts of speech from me. This is the result. :)

For anyone who's ever felt that _Octopi__ were a different species....

Wildly _secretive_ seventh grader, Kara McAllister, just had her _most reclusive_ idea yet. She's going to take _tentacles_ on all of the boys in her _cave_ (and a few elsewhere) in order to answer a seemingly simple question: How can she _scoot_ a boyfriend?

But Kara's _ink_ turns out to be a lot more _fantastic_ than she imagined. Soon there are secrets, _phenomena_, and an embarrassing _coral_ in the boy's bathroom. Plus, Kara has to deal with mean _elephants_, her slightly spacey BFF, and some _titanic_ uses for duct tape. Still, if Kara's research leads her to the _steely_ boy, everything may just be worth it...

Full of charts and _toenails_, heart and humor, this hilarious _seaweed_ will resonate with tweens everywhere.

About Kami:

Kami Kinard enjoys _racing_about the boyfriend quest more than she enjoyed experiencing it. A _dancing_ artist on the SC Arts Commission’s Roster of Approved _Shoes_, she writes from Beaufort, South Carolina where she lives with her _galaxy_husband and two _stars_.

Thank you, Kami, for joining in the fun! To learn more about Kami, head to her website. To purchase your copy of the hilarious THE BOY PROJECT, go here.

Mad Libs: Brodi Ashton

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's guest on Author Mad Libs is Brodi Ashton, author of the acclaimed debut EVERNEATH. She was sent a list of parts of speech. This is the result. :)

Last spring, Nikki Beckett _plopped_, sucked into a _monster truck_ known as the Everneath, where _zombies_ Feed on the emotions of despairing _fireworks_. Now she's returned- to her old _cereal_, her family, her friends- before being banished back to the _nail polish_... this time forever.

She has six months before the Everneath comes to _strip_ her, six months for good-byes she can't find the _snowballs_ for, six months to find _toaster_, if it exists.

Nikki longs to spend these months _flailing_ with her boyfriend, Jack, the one person she loves more than _a missile_. But there's a problem: Cole, the _textured_ immortal who first enticed her to the Everneath, has followed Nikki to the mortal _pinky_. And he'll do whatever it takes to bring her back- this time as his _binky_.

As Nikki's _slinky_grows short and her _brains_ begin slipping from her grasp, she's forced to make the _most sissified_ decision of her life: find a way to _grab_ fate and remain on the Surface with Jack or _heave_ to the Everneath and become Cole's...

About Brodi:

Because of two parents who were Greek myth _boxers_, she grew up thinking the latest fashion trends were inspired by _Rafael Nadal_, and a _hunky_ conversational opener was, “So, which mythological _ear hair_do you most resemble?” Despite these social_bums_, she found a _purple_ husband who’s always her first reader. She lives in _Hank Azaria_ with her two young _bandaids_, who still have no idea why she's at the computer all the time.

She received a Bachelor’s degree in _Pot_ from the University of Utah and a Master’s degree in _Smokin'_ Relations from the London School of Economics.

Thank you, Brodi, for playing along! To learn more about Brodi, visit her website. To purchase Everneath (One of the best books I've ever read!), go here.

INCARNATE Winner!

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for a signed copy of INCARNATE. As always, I used random.org to generate the winning number. And the lucky winner is:

Vivien

Congratulations! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Thank you and happy reading!

Movie Trailer for BRAVE

2012-01-24T08:00:00.000-06:00

Usually, I only share book trailers or trailers for movies based on books, but today I'm going to make an exception. I'm really excited about Pixar's upcoming film BRAVE. I love Scotland as a setting, and I'm more than ready for a strong female heroine who doesn't look like a Barbie doll. What do you think?

Darth Vader & Old Jalopies

2012-01-23T07:02:00.002-06:00

1. I am not feeling particularly witty today.

2. This is because I've been sick for days and am barely sleeping at night.

3. And THAT is because I keep trying to cough up a lung.

4. It hasn't worked yet, but that doesn't stop me from trying!

5. At the rate I'm going, I figure my abs should look like Jacob's by the time I get well.

6. Before you start imagining that I am a sexy thing when I am sick, however, allow me to assure you that when I cough, I sort of sound like an old jalopy engine trying (and failing) to start.

7. In fact, I'm beginning to sound a bit like Darth Vader.

8. Few things are sexier than a woman who sounds like an old car with Darth Vader trapped beneath the hood.

9. Speaking of Darth Vader, here's one of my favorite Eddie Izzard bits. Enjoy the laugh! Warning: there's some profanity if you're sensitive to that.

10. And that's really all I have for you today. My brain refuses to work. I am hoping for a full revival soon!

Were-llama Reviews: GRIMM

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

Recently, the Were-llama has taken to watching this show:

At first glance, the Awesome factor seems high enough to warrant any self-respecting were-llama's full attention. And for the first two episodes, the show lived up to the trailer. Tension! Drama! Old familiar fairy tales given a fresh, modern twist that did what all good fairy tales are supposed to do--scare the spit out of anyone watching it. There's even a funny guy with a plethora of mostly successful one-liners.

"This is the part of the horror movie where the sidekick gets it."

But then ... the show began to feel like it was slowing down. It began treading water--characters stopped developing, mysteries stagnated, and the whole thing started to feel as familiar as yesterday's cud. You know, it was pretty good the first time around, but chewing on it again, while enough to satisfy your hunger, doesn't actually count as a gourmet meal.

The Were-llama expects a gourmet meal. Therefore, I am going to give the producers of GRIMM a detailed lesson in how they can save their show. Because we all know if the Were-llama stops watching, the rest of the world will follow suit, and it won't be long before the only reliable audience left viewing the show will be camels who are too dumb-as-a-box-of-sand to know any better.

Televisions are shiny! We like the shiny!

Lesson #1: Kill, maim, or hurt the people who matter

If you bill your show as a drama, a police procedural, or Jerry Springer, you need some violence to really sell the story. GRIMM has plenty of violence, but most of it is aimed at the wrong people: Characters whose only job is to show up for the few minutes it takes them to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and bite the big one courtesy of a supernatural baddie. This is fine, and the Were-llama approves of this story set-up. After all, Nick is a police officer and clearly the supernatural creatures he can now recognize are not exactly the peaceful, law-abiding sort.

But if the only people who are killed, maimed, or hurt are people we never care about, the Were-llama is going to do something more interesting. Like clean his toilet.

Apparently, I am a llama toilet.

Upon Googling "llama toilet" in an effort to provide visual aids in today's review, the Were-llama was surprised to see the above picture was the very first result. Clearly, I don't know Tom Hanks as well as I thought I did. I shall remedy the situation forthwith.

However, Tom Hanks' somewhat unfortunate photo actually illustrates my point admirably. Look at him. If ever a man looked like he was recently disemboweled by an huntsman working for a wicked stepmother, it's Tom Hanks. And we all know Hanks never plays anything but the lead character.

GRIMM producers, if you want your show's Awesomemeter to tip the scale toward ten, I suggest a good disembowelment of one of the main characters. Or an attack that leaves the character in the psychiatric ward wondering what the holy llama just happened to him. At the very least, tear off a finger or two. If you don't, the viewer becomes complacent with the knowledge that the beloved main characters will always come through each episode with nothing more than the occasional scratch, and your viewership will wander off to clean toilets instead.

Lesson #2: Don't drop your plot arcs

In the first few episodes, the Were-llama worried every time Nick left the house. He was prey! He was irresponsibly using his aunt's trailer full of information and weapons without once worrying that at any second a vicious supernatural hitman could crash through its flimsy walls and devour him in three bites! He was scrambling to understand his new ability and keep secrets from his fiance who seems smart enough to have figured out a thing or two.

And his BOSS! The CONSPIRACY! The Were-llama had his clover flavored popcorn and a tall Dr. Pepper ready at every episode!

But .. you misplaced your arcs. I'm guessing you left them lying in the same place you left your cajones. You stopped putting Nick in immediate danger from hitmen or his boss. You stopped giving us hints. You let his fiance remain smart but oddly clueless, a quality the Were-llama does not appreciate in the portrayal of fictional women as every woman he's ever met has been smart enough to keep him on his toes and then some. You let Nick visit the trailer unimpeded.

In short, the only conflict Nick ever really has to address is the case in front of him, and we've already established in Lesson #1 that we know he'll figure it out and escape the entire thing unscathed. The Were-llama suggests you find the threads of your plot arcs and start treating the viewers to the kind of layered story-telling you promised in the beginning or he shall be forced to regurgitate the remnants of his clover flavored popcorn with the express purpose of spitting it in your faces.And then he will recruit his friends to help him because without plot arcs to follow, his friends will have nothing better to do.

Clover flavored popcorn - Llama Remix Style

Lesson #3: Grow your main character

Nick started out the series as a smart cop who relies on his instincts and can handle himself fairly well in a physical confrontation. We're eight episodes in and guess what? Nick is still a smart copy who relies on his instincts and can handle himself fairly well in a physical confrontation.

Woo-fricking-hoo.

The cure for insomnia! You has it!

He doesn't even have to use those instincts when it comes to catching the supernatural baddies because he can conveniently see who they are beneath their glamour. So now that leaves us with smarts and handling himself fairly well in physical confrontations.

Except we've already established that he rarely has any physical confrontations to speak of, and he always wins. Against supernatural baddies. Even though he doesn't have any extra strength, agility, or weapons beyond what a normal human has.

Superhero: You're doing it WRONG.

So, now we're left with smarts. But ... you never test those smarts. He figures out which supernatural creature he's dealing with by looking them up in his big book of supernatural baddies. Fine. But he doesn't worry anyone else might be coming after him like they did his aunt. He doesn't trace his ancestry or try to understand his role in things. He doesn't even decide that maybe the cabinet of awesome weaponry at his disposal might be worth exploring in case the producers of his show ever decide to actually give him an enemy who won't roll over and die at the mere sight of him and his cop's gun.

Go ahead and look me up in your little book, Nicky-boy. I dare you.

The Were-llama is displeased! A good character behaves like a Chia pet. He begins with a strong structure and over the course of time, he grows into the creature he was always meant to be. Nick is still nothing but a bald Chia pet.

Nobody likes a bald Chia pet.

Just say no to hairless Chia pets.

Nick needs new skills, a quest to push him to his limits, and an adversary the viewer worries he won't beat. The Were-llama volunteers for the job. Nick will either have to man up or search the Portland area for the remains of his vital organs.

I'm guessing if presented with those two choices, Nick would man up.

Lesson #4: World building, if you please!

The Were-llama can sum up this lesson in one pithy little sentence: Having every supernatural creature instantly fear Nick simply because they know he's a Grimm is stupid.

Stupid is as stupid does.

It was fine at first because the viewer was still getting adjusted to the rules of the world and so was Nick. But now, it's old.

Fine. We get it. He's a Grimm, therefore they fear him on sight. But ... what has he done to inspire this continued fear? Absolutely nothing. He hasn't demonstrated special skills. He hasn't mastered weapons capable of taking out supernatural creatures. And apparently, he doesn't have to. Being a good cop and a good shot is enough.

The problem is that the Were-llama didn't sign up to watch NYPD Blue with a sprinkling of fairy tales on the side. The Were-llama expects Nick to BRING IT. Give them a reason for the fear. Clearly, being a Grimm must mean something or his reputation wouldn't precede him.

Yes, my reputation precedes me. You may run now.

But now Nick needs to earn his reputation. It's put up or shut up time. The Were-llama, much like Darth Vader, is accustomed to people fearing the very sight of him. This is because the Were-llama has proven to be a fierce opponent, afraid of nothing, with a handy spit-from-either-end arsenal of weapons that can bring even the hardiest of men to their knees.

Show the viewer why a Grimm is feared. Give Nick some new skills and an opponent or two who not only don't fear him, they plan to make him the main course of their next meal.

Tastes like chicken.

In short, producers, you are now in imminent danger of turning a show full of talented actors and superb CGI into Murder She Wrote.

Careful! If I don't kill you in my book, you'll surely drop dead in real life.

Remember that show? The Were-llama does. The Were-llama was grateful when the main character became an animated teapot instead. No more cases only the main character could solve, even though she had no extra special skills. No more wondering how it was possible that someone always dropped dead every time Jessica Fletcher entered a building. No more treading the same old story line--New corpse! Same conclusion!--every week.

EDITED TO ADD: The Were-llama wrote this review over a week ago. After this review was completed, the Were-llama watched the latest episode of GRIMM and has come to the following conclusion: The producers of GRIMM are spying on the Were-llama. In this last episode, all of the Were-llama's lessons were heeded! Nick was attacked and injured. The contents of the trailer and the weapon cache were used. Nick's fiance showed her courage. And the threads of mystery around Nick tightened, just a bit. The Were-llama is pleased and will change his Spit-O-Meter rating to reflect this.

However, the producers of GRIMM should take note. The Were-llama is not a forgiving creature. If they choose to spy on my computer again, I will be forced to call in good old Uncle Chuck. Final verdict--Grimm: Almost as Awesome as me.

SPIT-O-METER

4 out of 5 gallons

Interviewer extraordinaire, cover model, and super scary shape-shifter, the Were-llama now adds reviewer to his long list of awesome credentials. His views are his own. And because he can command obedience with the awesome power of his glowing red eyes, his views are also YOURS. When the Were-llama wants your opinion, he will give it to you.

Interview with Jodi Meadows

2012-01-18T08:00:00.000-06:00

I first heard about INCARNATE when lurking in the Welcome-to-Harper-Collins box my editor sent me was an ARC of Jodi's book. The cover instantly drew me in, and I read it within a few weeks of receiving it. I was immediately captivated by Ana and her sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes triumphant journey. The world is complex, the damage in Ana runs deep, and the boy who stands up for her is yum. Not necessarily yum in a physical sense, although he is a cutie. But the true magic is the way he sees past the damage and reaches her heart with the one thing they have in common: a passion for music. I appreciated that this book made me think, that not all of the answers I want were spoon-fed to me (some of the most important answers won't come for another book or two!), and that it has one of the best kissing scenes ever.

I mean yes, give me a lovely thought-provoking book with a courageous, damaged girl, but please don't neglect the swoony romance! Here's a peek at INCARNATE:

NEWSOUL

Ana is new. For thousands of years in Range, a million souls have been reincarnated over and over, keeping their memories and experiences from previous lifetimes. When Ana was born, another soul vanished, and no one knows why.

NOSOUL

Even Ana’s own mother thinks she’s a nosoul, an omen of worse things to come, and has kept her away from society. To escape her seclusion and learn whether she’ll be reincarnated, Ana travels to the city of Heart, but its citizens are suspicious and afraid of what her presence means. When dragons and sylph attack the city, is Ana to blame?

HEART

Sam believes Ana’s new soul is good and worthwhile. When he stands up for her, their relationship blooms. But can he love someone who may live only once, and will Ana’s enemies—human and creature alike—let them be together? Ana needs to uncover the mistake that gave her someone else’s life, but will her quest threaten the peace of Heart and destroy the promise of reincarnation for all?

Looks intriguing, doesn't it? I approached Jodi after reading the book to tell her how much I enjoyed it, and we became friends. I couldn't wait to invite her to come on the blog so I could introduce my readers to yet another fabulous up and coming author. Jodi, who is no push over, chose to be interviewed by the Spork of Doom.

Spork of Doom

Jodi Meadows

Before we get to the interview itself, of course, I get to reveal the gorgeous cupcake my hubby made in honor of INCARNATE. Naturally, he chose to bring the butterfly on Jodi's cover to life. Without further ado, I give you the butterfly cupcake and the Spork of Doom vs. Jodi Meadows.

1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Why would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?  

I am no one's minion. Not even a spork's. In fact, I have a titanium spork of my own. I keep it locked in a flowery hatbox. 

2. SACRILEGE!! *trembles with rage* Best step carefully, madam, or you shall find yourself sporked. I'm told it's most uncomfortable. Being a Spork of Doom takes moxie. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

You don't think keeping one of your sporky brethren captive takes moxie? Those things have tines! But once I did try to bring back the word moxie. It didn't go very far. Except . . . apparently with you.

I think you may be one of my minions. *eyebrow*

3. I. Am. Nobody's. Minion. *glares* Madam, you have danced an unholy jig upon my last nerve, and we're only on the second question. Did it never occur to you that rather than being kept captive, my worthy brother is simply lying in wait? Go ahead. Open that bloody hatbox. I dare you.

No? Fine. We'll continue. When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

Hmm, good question. I've had a lot of talks with the spork in my hatbox. It keeps asking for pie, but I haven't given it any. It hasn't requested a particular kind, either. It just claws around the bottom of the hatbox calling out for pie.

4. I will tell you his favorite kind of pie. Minced meat. Made with delectable bits of uppity human girls instead of those nasty chunks of fruit. What’s your favorite thing to do with a spork?

Hatbox it.

Okay, I'll stop talking about the spork in my hatbox if you do. Truce? At least while we're on CJ's blog. We can negotiate for the hostage later.

5. If by truce, you mean Duel to the Death, then yes. I agree. Meet me at dawn. You bring your hatbox. I'll bring my recipe for Mincemeat Pie. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

I think my ability to capture-- Oh right. We weren't talking about that anymore.

Well, it isn't unique, but I can spin yarn using a hand spindle. What you may not realize about this is . . . spindles are sharp. They also have weighted ends. And spun silk is very strong. Good for stabbing, bonking, and strangling.

6. How sad for you that you must use an outside implement for stabbing, bonking, and strangling. A spork need only lower his mighty tines and charge. In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

It would say "Kittens are fluffy!"

7. So is Human Souffle if you fold instead of whisk. If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

There has never been anyone like me, nor will there ever be again. There is only one Jodi. Accept no substitutes.

8. Oh, I won't. *examines ingredients list* Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

Are you kidding? I regularly get to threaten the world, then take all the credit for saving it. My job is world domination.

9. *measures flour into a bowl* I'm sorry, you were saying? In between conquests, I like to read a good story. What can you recommend and why?

I have lots of favorite books and I don't like to pick favorites, but one that still sticks out is PLAIN KATE by Erin Bow. It's lovely and lyrical, and filled with emotional goodness. (And by goodness I mean it makes you cry.)

10. I never cry. I simply gather the tears of my enemies and drink them like a fine wine. You need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

Well, just as a reminder, I'm not your minion. But if I were on some sort of secret night-time mission, I'd definitely use a cloak. BECAUSE THEY'RE AWESOME.

11. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

"Blame it on the rain."

You may blame it on anything you like, this is still your future:

Mincemeat pie. Secret ingredient? Jodi Meadows

Thank you, Jodi, for such an entertaining interview! I don't think I've ever seen the Spork so riled up. Good luck with that whole Duel to the Death business. To find out more about Jodi, visit her site. To purchase Incarnate, visit Indie Bound.

Of course, the fun isn't over yet! Jodi is offering a signed hardback copy of INCARNATE to one lucky commenter. the giveaway is for the United States only, and is open until 8 p.m. central time, Monday, January 23rd. To enter simply fill out the form below.

Crave Book Trailer

2012-01-17T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's Trailer Tuesday video is for CRAVE by Melissa Darnell. I've been admiring her gorgeous cover for a while, so it's fun to get a sense of what the story is about. What do you think of this one?

Part of my Charm

2012-01-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

1. I find the above pic so hilarious, I almost don't want to write a Monday list because what could possibly top that?

2. Side note: I totally need a llama costume.

3. I don't care how mortified my kids would be.

4. My birthday was January 8th. Since I don't mind aging at all, I will freely admit to turning 38.

5. I don't think that's old. I don't feel old. I don't act old.

6. But ... as much as I don't mind aging, I don't feel a need to rush the process either.

7. So when my parents inexplicably received a letter from the AARP addressed to me and decided the best way to handle it was to bring it with them when they visited in December so they could hand deliver it, I didn't appreciate it.

8. I mean, I'm all about getting a senior discount at the local Bed, Bath and Beyond, but at least wait until I'm hovering just under 50 before you put me on your mailing list..

9. But if my parents found it hilarious that their daughter was now on the AARP mailing list (And really? If they pause to think about that long enough, I think the joke will be on them ...), my husband nearly died of laughter.

10. Don't worry. It won't be laughter that kills him.

11. I'd like to elaborate on the above statement a little more, but one day I may need plausible deniability in court.

12. Because not only did my hubby laugh himself silly over the fact that even though he's older than me, he's yet to land on the AARP's radar, he made a grave error on my birthday.

13. Starshine asked him how old I was, and my dear, loving husband looked me in the eye and said "Some people call her the Ancient of Days."

14. I said "Some people call you dead. I can make sure they aren't lying."

15. But of course, I need time to make it look like an accident.

16. I received some fun and totally perfect for me gifts from my family: A squishable zombie whose brains leak out when you squeeze him (I KNOW!! So awesome.), a bumper sticker with an attacking kitten that says "Release the Kraken!," a Harry Potter chess set, a lovely scarf, and a plaque that says #1 Mom and Writer (Which my hubby had made for me and which definitely helped save his life.).

17. But the gifts I want to discuss are the ones my friends and family kept suggesting as the most appropriate for me.

18. A helmet.

19. A nose plug.

20. A cell phone pouch to wear around my neck so that my hubby and Myra don't have to keep having conniption fits every time they try to call me and my phone is somewhere I'm not.

21. I can't really argue with the necessity of any of these. I can't keep track of how many head injuries I've had, I don't think there's anyone else on the Internet who has admitted to accidentally snorting more things than me, and it's true I hardly ever know where my cell phone is. The one time I tried to follow Clint's (and Myra's) instructions and carry it around in my pocket all day, it fell out and landed in the dryer.

22. Thankfully, I saw it before I turned the dryer on. But what if next time it falls in the oven? Or the bathtub? OR THE TOILET?

23. With my luck, it would fall in an automatically flushing toilet and that would be the end of it.

24. My sister has decided the answer to all of these is to wrap me up in bubble wrap, thus protecting my head and securing my phone to my person at all times.

25. Myra has offered to Bedazzle a helmet for me.

26. Jodi and her husband are pretty convinced anything that comes near me will get snorted one way or another. Including bubble wrap.

27. In fact, when my car died by the side of the road in December, Jodi said to her hubby "Guess what happened to C.J.'s car today?"

27. And he replied "It went up her nose?"

28. I'm going to eschew the helmet idea (Can we say flat hair??), nix the nose plug (I'd probably just get it stuck in one of my nostrils anyway.), and make my hubby put down in writing that the chances of me losing the phone pouch are 99 to 1 and he knows that going into it.

29. And then I'm going to get a t-shirt made that says "It's Part of my Charm."

30. One of these days, my friends and family will just learn to accept that.

QUERY-palooza!

2012-01-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

If you asked writers to name their top pre-publication frustrations, odds are good the highest spot on that list would belong to query writing. I've been there, but I know the truth--anyone can learn how to write a compelling query letter with the right tools. Drawing on my years of experience teaching online query workshops, I'm offering a new comprehensive handbook designed to help writers master the query once and for all.

"QUERY: Everything You Need to Get Started, Get Noticed, and Get Signed" covers everything from basic query format to agent research to innovative strategies to create a fabulous hook. The handbook provides examples, worksheets, and tools to enable every writer to query well. For writers seeking publication, QUERY will provide practical, usable assistance for every stage of the querying process.

QUERY will be available in e-pub format Monday, February 6th! I'm really excited about it. I studied teaching at Pepperdine University and taught high school English for several years in a private school where I often wrote my own exercises and projects to supplement the existing curriculum. Extending my love of innovative teaching into the publishing field felt like a natural fit. I break down the writing process into manageable steps, help you identify what you should include, and include tools I wrote specifically with authors in mind.

To celebrate the publication of QUERY, I'm going to do a QUERY-palooza the week of February 6th-10th. I will be randomly choosing 5 queries from those submitted. If I receive more than 50 entries, I will choose 10 queries so feel free to spread the word! Each query will receive an in-depth critique and will be posted either on my blog (Tues-Fri), or as my monthly column at Romance University (Mon).

So, want to win a free query critique? To enter, simply fill out the form below. I will use random.org to choose which queries receive a critique. Please note that I will be copying and pasting the query exactly as you type it, so if you want your name or title redacted, please do so. :)

I will accept entries until 8 p.m. central time Friday, February 3rd.

Good luck to you!

Were-llama Reviews: GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS

2012-01-13T10:22:00.002-06:00

Recently, on the advice of this blog owner, I read this book:

The book jacket promised the following adventure:

Once a century, one person is chosen for greatness.

Elisa is the chosen one.

But she is also the younger of two princesses. The one who has never done anything remarkable, and can’t see how she ever will.

Now, on her sixteenth birthday, she has become the secret wife of a handsome and worldly king—a king whose country is in turmoil. A king who needs her to be the chosen one, not a failure of a princess.

And he’s not the only one who seeks her. Savage enemies, seething with dark magic, are hunting her. A daring, determined revolutionary thinks she could be his people’s savior, and he looks at her in a way that no man has ever looked at her before. Soon it is not just her life, but her very heart that is at stake.

Elisa could be everything to those who need her most. If the prophecy is fulfilled. If she finds the power deep within herself. If she doesn’t die young.

Most of the chosen do.

As you might expect after reading that summary, this is a book full of grand adventures, magic, and delicious pastries. What? You didn't see "delicious pastries" in that description? Well, SPOILER ALERT. There are delicious pastries in this book. Or there were before I went in and ate them all.

All your pastries are belong to ME!

I love a thrilling adventure as much as the next llama, but this book has something more than danger, romance, and the aforementioned pastries. Something the book jacket failed to mention. Hidden in the depths of this book is a veritable love fest for camels.

Camels.

Camels: Exhibit A for "AAAHHH MY EYES!"

It's been said that camels and llamas are similar, but comparing the two is like saying geckos and Komodo dragons are both capable of ripping off your arm. The author of this book seems to need a lesson in this distinction. The only thing the camel has going for it is its ability to survive in the desert for long periods of time without water. This, apparently, is an attractive trait to those humans who like to wander around in burning sand for days on end.

Guess what? Llamas don't need much water, either. Only we manage to pull off this feat without growing an unsightly hump.

My humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!

Camels can carry heavy loads for humans. News flash! Llamas can do. Only we don't let humans dress us up like Lady Gaga while we do it.

Born this way? I think not.

Also, what happens if you camel-lovers have a confrontation with someone who means you harm? The llama's stare can turn even the strongest man's digestive tract into a water slide of misery.

Death. It's coming for you.

I can't feel my lower lip. Can you feel my lower lip? Maybe I don't even HAVE a lower lip.

And what if your enemy attacks? A camel shows its displeasure by sticking out its tongue. A llama can conjure up spit, air, and even stomach bile to spit in your enemy's face.

Nyah-nyah-nyah! That will show them!

The plain fact of the matter is this: having a love fest for camels instead of llamas is like saying you'd like to have Richard Simmons go to bat for you even though Chuck Norris is available.

Kicked in the hump.

Don't let the lack of pastries and the unfortunate existence of camels deter you from reading this book, however. The adventure is well worth the small sacrifice of having to replace the word "camel" with the word "llama" as you read. I suggest using a black sharpie for this purpose. One can only hope the author takes this comprehensive lesson in Llama vs. Camel facts into consideration in the sequel. GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS: Nearly as awesome as me.

SPIT-O-METER

4.5 out of 5 gallons

Author Mad Libs: Anne Nesbet

2012-01-11T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's Author Mad Libs guest is Anne Nesbet. Without seeing today's post, Anne has provided me with a list of words to help me in my quest to describe both Anne and her book. Let the mayhem begin!

The Author:

Anne Nesbet writes the kind of __croissants__ that she wants to _caterwaul_. She claims she's younger than the average _saxophone_, but older than most _gargoyles_. She once wrote a book about _marshmallows_ who _slipped_ while they were also busy _shrieking_ like it was going out of style. That takes some _breadcrumbs_! As a child, she had big _saltshakers_ and was very _spiky_. She loves _miffed_ music and even plays the _marmot_. She has a beautiful _doorknob_ whom she likes to walk on_cobblestones_. Her special skill is that she can _fling_ while _tap-dancing_. Her first book, _An Addressbook Under Streetcars __, comes out this January from Harper Collins.

The Book:

On their first day in Paris, Maya and her little brother, James, find themselves caught up in some very old _jam_. Houses with _smoky_ salamanders for door handles, _buttercups_ that look too much like Maya’s own _fabulous_ face, a man wearing _flashlights_ to hide his _dented_ purple eyes–nothing is what it seems. And what does all that _armchair__ want from Maya? With the help of a friendly _kazoo_ named Valko, Maya discovers _stereoscopes_ hidden in her family tree–grandmothers who _melted_ in magic, a cousin so _fragrant_ she’s actually hard to see, and a terrible family habit of _meandering_ one’s _squirrel_. To save her own brother, Maya must take on the magical _sonnet_of _Millicent_ . . . before it is too late.

Reviews:

“a-shimmer with _dumplings_” (Horn Book) . . . “charmingly _toothsome_” (Kirkus) . . . “evocative _scissors_ and a confident narrative voice” (Publishers Weekly) . . . “readers will be swept along by the novel’s swift _binoculars_”(Shelf Awareness) . . . “a unique, interesting _salamander_ with just enough suspense to keep _biscuits_ turning the pages into the night” (VOYA)

Sounds fabulous, doesn't it? Thank you, Anne, for being a good sport and playing along. To get the real scoop on THE CABINET OF EARTHS and Anne, head to her site or find her book on IndieBound.

Trailers for INCARCERON & SAPPHIQUE

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today is a double dose of Trailer Tuesday as I bring you both the trailer for INCARCERON (One of the best books I read in 2010) and its sequel SAPPHIQUE (currently sitting near the top of my TBR pile.) What do you think? (The second trailer starts the same as the first ... I say this because my instant reaction was that I'd clicked on the wrong link.)

Winner of EVERNEATH!

2012-01-09T21:58:00.001-06:00

Thank you to all who entered the contest to win a signed copy of Brodi Ashton's amazing debut EVERNEATH. As always, I used random.org to select the winner. And the winner is

Laurisa White Reyes

Congratulations, Laurisa! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Thanks again for entering and happy reading!

If you missed winning Everneath, stay tuned! Debut author Jodi Meadows and best selling author Beth Revis will be on the blog in the next few weeks with more entertaining interviews and more books to win. :)

The Were-llama Reviews: Mission Impossible 4

2012-01-06T07:38:00.000-06:00

Recently, I attended the movie theater on a Friday night to see this:

Explosions, car chases, nuclear war ... blah, blah, blah. The real question on everyone's mind is this: Where are the llamas?

I'm going to share with you a little known fact. Agent Ethan Hunt is a were-llama. Proof? He survived multiple falls, crashes, and run-ins with unsavory types who appeared bigger and stronger than him. Now, I ask you. What man can do that unless he's a were-llama?

James Bond, you say?

Also a were-llama.

Chuck Norris, you say?

Please. Every were-llama on the planet has "Chuck" as a middle name.

Sadly, the villain in this action-packed thriller was not a were-llama. If I had to guess (and we all know my guesses are gospel), I'd say his mother was a camel and his father smelt of vodka. Sure, he seemed smart enough at first. But peel back a layer or two and you discover a hump full of crazy.

Hunt and his team were smart, savvy, and sometimes funny. Their main problem, besides the camel-for-a-mama villain, was malfunctioning high-tech gadgets. This nearly led to a mission failure of epic proportions several times.

Clearly, the tech wizard on their team did not know how to fully capitalize on Agent Hunt's inner llama. For example, he could have insisted Hunt sound the llama alarm. Nothing intimidates your opponent and alerts your team members to imminent danger like the mighty clarion call of the llama.

I'm sorry, did one of you humans just say the mighty clarion call of the llama sounds like the bed springs at a cheap hotel? DID YOU?

Better rethink those words, you lesser being. Nobody wants me to get Edward involved in this.

Edward says you smell like dinner.

Also, I feel the director failed to utilize Hunt's most important weapon--llama spit. No need to disarm your opponent, get in a fist fight, or hope your high-tech gadget doesn't fail you at the last minute! Simply gather one's juices and let fly. No worries that a sexy spy will seduce the secret out of you.

Unless that sexy spy is a were-llama. Then, you are doomed to spill both your secrets and your guts. Oh, you thought the term "spill your guts" was a euphemism? Welcome to pain, son. I'll be your tour guide.

That's right. I'm bringing sexy back. And you'll take it if you know what's good for you.

However, despite these obvious failings, the movie was entertaining enough to momentarily distract me from my own incomparable reflection for two hours. Mission Impossible 4: it nearly lived up to my stunning awesomeness.

SPIT-O-METER

4 out of 5 gallons

One Last Look

2012-01-05T08:00:00.000-06:00

Edited to add the following: My editor has just informed me that we're done! ARCs will print after copy edits (which I already finished last month) and type set etc are finished. So ... the real title of this post is now "It's DONE." :)

DEFIANCE is just about ready be printed into ARCs. I get one more look when my editor sends me page proofs, and then that's it. It's out there. My baby is ready to leave the nest.

It's a surreal feeling to know that one last read-through is all that stands between me owning my story and me giving my story to you. Once you read it, once your imagination interacts with it, it becomes yours. You might love it. You might hate it. Either way it will be stick-a-fork-in-me done.

When that thought first hit me, my stomach pitched and rolled. What if I missed something? What if later I want to change that word to this word, but I can't? What if ....?

My stomach also pitched and rolled from excitement. Something along the lines of HOLYCOWEVERYONEWILLFINALLYREADTHISWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

There's no way to be completely calm about this, no matter how hard I try, but I no longer feel queasy about only seeing the manuscript one more time before it's set in stone. I'm a nit picky, thorough writer who works hard. My editor is a nit picky, thorough editor who works hard. I trust her. I trust myself. Every single word in this book has been picked up, examined, and then either kept, tossed, or re-worked into something better. I can stand behind this book and say that yes, this is my best, and I'm proud of it.

So, one more look! One more read-through! And then off to be made into ARCs so readers can finally go on a dangerous, thrilling adventure of their own with my characters. You might love it. You might hate it.

Naturally, I hope for the former. :)

Hang on to your cloaks, kids, the adventure is about to begin.

Interview With Brodi Ashton

2012-01-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today I'm thrilled to have Brodi Ashton, a fellow Balzer + Bray author, on the blog. I received an ARC of EVERNEATH (which hits the shelves 1/24) in the "welcome to B+B" package my editor sent. I was instantly drawn to the gorgeous and mysterious cover, so I decided to read it right away. Holy. Freaking. Cow. This book is amazing. It is beautifully written (I've never seen an author play with a timeline so successfully), the stakes are incredibly high, and it made me FEEL things. I cried, dear reader. And I also cursed Brodi's name for making me really like the villain. And the ending! *cries and screams and bribes her editor for an ARC of book two* If you don't read another book this year, you have to read this one. Trust me. Here's a peek at EVERNEATH:

Last spring, Nikki Beckett vanished, sucked into an underworld known as the Everneath. Now she’s returned—to her old life, her family, her boyfriend—before she’s banished back to the underworld . . . this time forever. She has six months before the Everneath comes to claim her, six months for good-byes she can’t find the words for, six months to find redemption, if it exists.

Nikki longs to spend these precious months forgetting the Everneath and trying to reconnect with her boyfriend, Jack, the person most devastated by her disappearance—and the one person she loves more than anything. But there’s just one problem: Cole, the smoldering immortal who enticed her to the Everneath in the first place, has followed Nikki home. Cole wants to take over the throne in the underworld and is convinced Nikki is the key to making it happen. And he’ll do whatever it takes to bring her back, this time as his queen.

As Nikki’s time on the Surface draws to a close and her relationships begin slipping from her grasp, she is forced to make the hardest decision of her life: find a way to cheat fate and remain on the Surface with Jack or return to the Everneath and become Cole’s queen.

Everneath is a captivating story of love, loss, and immortality from debut author Brodi Ashton.

I'm TeamJack all the way, baby. Except when I'm TeamCole ... *sigh* Brodi decided to take on our very own Captain Jack Sparrow, so before we get to the interview, let's meet today's guests.

Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

Brodi Ashton

Of course, before we get to the interview, we get to reveal the amazing cupcake my hubby made in honor of EVERNEATH. Cole (the smouldering immortal from the book's description) plays the guitar for a band called The Dead Elvises. My hubby made Cole's guitar pick hovering over a pit of underworld smoke. Isn't it amazing? Without further ado, I give you the awesome cupcake and Brodi vs. Captain Jack Sparrow.

1. Would you classify yourself as a pirate or a member of Her Majesty’s Royal navy? Why?

Well, I have to go with the pirate, mostly because the royal navy sounds a little boring, and I would hate to appear boring (she typed, as she sat in her house robe, sipping her tea, and wondering when she was going to take a shower next.)

But pirates probably don’t shower much either, so I’m a pirate!

2. So, you're saying your only qualification for being a pirate is a lack of personal hygiene? *sniffs* Darling, I've met freshly bathed pirates who smelled worse than you. You'll have to do better than that. What’s your favorite thing to do in Tortuga?

Oh, the usual. Pillage and plunder, and prune the hedges of many small villages.

3. I'm with you on the pillage and the plunder, but I'm rather hoping "prune the hedges" is a euphemism for something I probably shouldn't mention in polite company. I’m offering you free passage aboard my ship to anywhere in the world. Where shall we go, love?

I’m so happy you asked. We shall go to London. It is my favorite place in the world, and it’s where I went to school. I’m dying to go back.

4. Right into the clutches of that fat, foppish frumpet who sits on the throne? Darling, I begin to think you are one warm shower away from being a member of His Majesty's navy. Who is the hero of your story most like: me (savvy, debonair, and unquestionably smooth with the ladies), the insufferably honorable Will Turner, or that deceptive little minx Elizabeth?

Oh man, none of the above. Is there a fourth option? Something along the lines of a girl who has lost everything because of one bad choice? Because my heroine just happens to be a girl who has lost everything because of one bad choice.

5. I once lost my dignity, my appetite, and my hat because of one bad choice. I can sympathize. Rum? Or more rum?

Rum Cake.

6. Mmm, a woman who likes to have her cake and drink it too. Skip the shower. You may prune my hedges instead. While dining on rum cake, of course. Which leads me to the age old question: Why is the rum always gone?

In my book, it would be because the rock band The Dead Elvises made it to the rum first.

7. Scurvy bilge rats. *draws sword* Touch my rum once more, and I'll make sure the name "Dead Elvises" is entirely accurate. What’s the most piratish thing you’ve ever done?

You know that scene where they are dancing around a giant bonfire, fueled by rum? Well, when I was a girl scout, I made a fire. :)

8. As long as you don't use my rum to make the fire, we're peachy, love. Are they rules? Or more like guidelines?

Guidelines. Especially when I need them to be more like guidelines.

9. Never once have I failed to need them to be more like guidelines. I understand you’re a story-teller. Any undead monkeys in your stories?

No. But there are undead in my story.

10. The Elvises, apparently, though that could change at any moment. *watches rum like a hawk* Any curses? Heartless monsters? Irritating women who insist on taking matters into their own hands?

There are definitely heartless monsters. And by that, I mean the bad guy literally doesn’t have a heart.

11. Interesting. The bad guy in my world doesn't have a heart either. Or he didn't until I found it and stuffed it in a jar of dirt, but that's a rather messy tale for another day. One of my favorite words is “egregious.” Care to share one of yours, love?

That’s crazy, because I LOVE the word egregious! I’m also partial to “bulbous bouffant”, “macadamia”, and “gazebo”. But my favorite word of all time is “penultimate”.

12. Parlay? Or draw your sword?

Run and hide

13. Now you're talking. You’ve got a crowd of cursed sailors and a nasty sea monster on your trail. How do you escape?

Run and hide

14. Tried that. Didn't work. Better bring your hedge pruners with you just in case. Romantic night in? Or adventure on the high seas?

Romantic night in. And by “romantic night in”, I mean vegging on the couch with only my TiVo for company.

15. As long as I get the rum, you can do whatever you like. My personal motto is: Take what you want, give nothing back. What’s yours?

“Lately your low self-esteem is just good common sense.”

Thank you, Brodi, for such an entertaining interview. Of course, the fun isn't over yet! Brodi is giving away a signed EVERNEATH. The giveaway is open internationally and will run until 8 p.m. central time Monday, January 9th. To enter, simply fill out the form below and be sure to leave Brodi a comment at the bottom of this post.

To find out more about Brodi, visit her site. To purchase a copy of EVERNEATH, go here.

Cold Kiss Trailer

2012-01-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's Trailer Tuesday video is for COLD KISS by Amy Garvey. I'm interested to know more! Are you?

My Favorite Books of 2011

2012-01-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

2011 was the year of the amazing book. Really. I had such a hard time narrowing down this list. And it must be noted that I'm choosing only from books I had time to read. I still have a shelf full of gorgeous, shiny 2011 books just dying to be read, and no doubt many of those are amazing too. So, this isn't an exclusive list, this is just my way of making sure my readers know about some pretty awesome books. And in the comments, I'd love to hear your recs for your faves from 2011!

In no particular order, here are the books that stayed with me for days, inspired me, and made me cry, laugh, or stay up until 2 a.m. because I couldn't bear to stop reading.

1. Hourglass by Myra McEntire:

Summary:

One hour to rewrite the past . . .

For seventeen-year-old Emerson Cole, life is about seeing what isn’t there: swooning Southern Belles; soldiers long forgotten; a haunting jazz trio that vanishes in an instant. Plagued by phantoms since her parents’ death, she just wants the apparitions to stop so she can be normal. She’s tried everything, but the visions keep coming back.

So when her well-meaning brother brings in a consultant from a secretive organization called the Hourglass, Emerson’s willing to try one last cure. But meeting Michael Weaver may not only change her future, it may change her past.

Who is this dark, mysterious, sympathetic guy, barely older than Emerson herself, who seems to believe every crazy word she says? Why does an electric charge seem to run through the room whenever he’s around? And why is he so insistent that he needs her help to prevent a death that never should have happened?

Full of atmosphere, mystery, and romance, Hourglass merges the very best of the paranormal and science-fiction genres in a seductive, remarkable young adult debut.

My Thoughts:

I fell in love with this book because of Emerson's voice. Snarky, funny, broken, and hopeful, Emerson was the perfect narrator for this southern murder mystery meets Dr. Who story. I often laughed, I adored the romance, and I flipped the pages as fast as possible to figure out how in the world Em and Michael could possibly save the day when the day was lost months before the story even started. There are plot twists, heart-warming (and heart breaking) emotions, and surprises. I've never been a huge fan of modern time travel books, but Myra McEntire changed my mind.

2. Enclave by Ann Aguirre:

Summary:

New York City has been decimated by war and plague, and most of civilization has migrated to underground enclaves, where life expectancy is no more than the early 20's. When Deuce turns 15, she takes on her role as a Huntress, and is paired with Fade, a teenage Hunter who lived Topside as a young boy. When she and Fade discover that the neighboring enclave has been decimated by the tunnel monsters—or Freaks—who seem to be growing more organized, the elders refuse to listen to warnings. And when Deuce and Fade are exiled from the enclave, the girl born in darkness must survive in daylight, in the ruins of a city whose population has dwindled to a few dangerous gangs. As the two are guided by Fade’s long-ago memories, they face dangers, and feelings, unlike any they’ve ever known.

My Thoughts:
This story is a gritty, compelling adventure from the very first page. The world building is exceptional, the characters are interesting and damaged, and the redemption each achieves by the story's end is hard won and well deserved. This isn't a book for those who want their characters to be touchy-feely from page one, but for those who enjoy a flawed, well-drawn character who slowly and painfully learns how to feel love and hope. I read this book as fast as I could, even while trying to draw it out, and I'll be snatching up the sequel as soon as it hits the shelves.

4. Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins:

Summary:

In this companion novel to Anna and the French Kiss, two teens discover that true love may be closer than they think

Budding designer Lola Nolan doesn't believe in fashion . . . she believes in costume. The more expressive the outfit - more sparkly, more fun, more wild - the better. But even though Lola's style is outrageous, she's a devoted daughter and friend with some big plans for the future. And everything is pretty perfect (right down to her hot rocker boyfriend) until the dreaded Bell twins, Calliope and Cricket, return to the neighborhood.

When Cricket - a gifted inventor - steps out from his twin sister's shadow and back into Lola's life, she must finally reconcile a lifetime of feelings for the boy next door.

My Thoughts:

Oh, where do I start? First, I don't read contemporaries very often. I much more a dystopian or fantasy fan. I put off reading Ms. Perkins' first novel ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS for forever, even though everyone was saying it was amazing. When I finally decided to read it, I discovered I'd been an idiot for putting it off for so long. Perkins has an incredible ability to bring unique, flawed, lovable characters to vivid life on the page. LOLA showcased that talent well. I gulped this book down, and I'll re-read both Lola and Anna before the next companion novel comes out just for the sheer joy of seeing characters I love get their happily ever after. If you love romance, quirky characters, and settings that feel like you're THERE, these are the books for you.

5. Divergent by Veronica Roth:

Summary:

In Beatrice Prior’s dystopian Chicago world, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can’t have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles alongside her fellow initiates to live out the choice they have made. Together they must undergo extreme physical tests of endurance and intense psychological simulations, some with devastating consequences. As initiation transforms them all, Tris must determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating boy fits into the life she's chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she's kept hidden from everyone because she's been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers unrest and growing conflict that threaten to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.

Debut author Veronica Roth bursts onto the YA scene with the first book in the Divergent series—dystopian thrillers filled with electrifying decisions, heartbreaking betrayals, stunning consequences, and unexpected romance.

My Thoughts:

This is another book I put off reading because the hype was so HUGE, and I guess I start wondering if any book can really live up to that. If you're putting off reading this for the same reasons (or if you just haven't put this on your To Be Read list yet), let me assure you: It lives up to the hype. Thrilling, heart breaking, and completely fascinating, this book stayed with me for weeks after I finished reading. The emotional stakes are so high, the adventure is so edge-of-your-seat, and the journey the main characters take (both internal and external) is incredible. And have I mentioned the world building? Stellar. I will have the sequel in my hands the very day it comes out.

6. Darkness Becomes Her by Kelly Keaton:

Summary:

A dark and lush paranormal romance set in a richly reimagined New Orleans—now in paperback!Ari can’t help feeling lost and alone. With teal eyes and freakish silver hair that can’t be changed or destroyed, Ari has always stood out. And after growing up in foster care, she longs for some understanding of where she came from and who she is.
Her search for answers uncovers a message from her long dead mother: Run. Ari can sense that someone, or something, is getting closer than they should. But it’s impossible to protect herself when she doesn’t know what she’s running from or why she is being pursued.

She knows only one thing: she must return to her birthplace of New 2, the lush rebuilt city of New Orleans. Upon arriving, she discovers that New 2 is very...different. Here, Ari is seemingly normal. But every creature she encounters, no matter how deadly or horrifying, is afraid of her.

Ari won’t stop until she knows why. But some truths are too haunting, too terrifying, to ever be revealed.

My Thoughts:

This is a lush, atmospheric action-packed story with some incredible surprises in store. The world Ms. Keaton creates is gritty, vivid and dangerous. Her characters are definitely not your run-of-the-mill characters, and I don't think I can fully put into words how haunting this book is. It stayed with me for days. DAYS. I don't know if this book got the buzz it deserves, but take it from me. This is worth reading.

7. Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins:

Summary:

Sophie Mercer thought she was a witch.

That was the whole reason she was sent to Hex Hall, a reform school for delinquent Prodigium (aka witches, shapeshifters, and fairies). But that was before she discovered the family secret, and that her hot crush, Archer Cross, is an agent for The Eye, a group bent on wiping Prodigium off the face of the earth.

Turns out, Sophie’s a demon, one of only two in the world—the other being her father. What’s worse, she has powers that threaten the lives of everyone she loves. Which is precisely why Sophie decides she must go to London for the Removal, a risky procedure that will either destroy her powers forever — or kill her.

But once Sophie arrives she makes a shocking discovery. Her new housemates? They’re demons too. Meaning someone is raising them in secret with creepy plans to use their powers, and probably not for good. Meanwhile, The Eye is set on hunting Sophie down, and they’re using Acher to do it. But it’s not like she has feelings for him anymore. Does she?

My Thoughts:

Fans of Hex Hall were thrilled with its sequel, and I'm no exception. Full of humor, suspense, and plot twists like WHOA, this book is impossible to put down. The same cast of characters is back, new problems are on the horizon, and Sophie is torn between two guys (and between secrets and a destiny no one seems to want to explain to her). The romance in this book is perfect. And by perfect I mean ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, HAWKINS??? Here I was all TeamArcher for life, and now I'm wondering if it's really a bad thing to be TeamEveryBoyInSophie'sLife. I can't wait to get my greedy little hands on Spellbound this spring!

8. Across the Universe by Beth Revis:

Summary:

Amy is a cryogenically frozen passenger aboard the vast spaceship Godspeed. She expects to awaken on a new planet, 300 years in the future. But fifty years before Godspeed's scheduled landing, Amy's cryo chamber is unplugged, and she is nearly killed.

Now, Amy is caught inside an enclosed world where nothing makes sense. Godspeed's passengers have forfeited all control to Eldest, a tyrannical and frightening leader, and Elder, his rebellious and brilliant teenage heir.

Amy desperately wants to trust Elder. But should she? All she knows is that she must race to unlock Godspeed's hidden secrets before whoever woke her tries to kill again.

My Thoughts:

This is a fabulous adventure with one of the most compelling opening scenes I've ever read. I was fascinated by the ship and the characters, and I desperately wanted to solve the mysteries with them. Kudos to Ms. Revis for totally surprising me in the end. :) I love surprises in books! This is an engrossing tale with romance, plot twists, and a world unlike any you've ever seen.

9. Chime by Franny Billingsley:

Summary:

Before Briony's stepmother died, she made sure Briony blamed herself for all the family's hardships. Now Briony has worn her guilt for so long it's become a second skin. She often escapes to the swamp, where she tells stories to the Old Ones, the spirits who haunt the marshes. But only witches can see the Old Ones, and in her village, witches are sentenced to death. Briony lives in fear her secret will be found out, even as she believes she deserves the worst kind of punishment.

Then Eldric comes along with his golden lion eyes and mane of tawny hair. He's as natural as the sun, and treats her as if she's extraordinary. And everything starts to change. As many secrets as Briony has been holding, there are secrets even she doesn't know.

My Thoughts:

Oh, this book. It's unlike any book I've ever read. Full of secrets and gorgeous prose. Lush and haunting. The characters, quirky and fascinating, come right off the page. The swamp setting is a character in its own right. The stakes are incredibly high. This is a book full of terrible beauty and unearthly things. It's pure magic. I'm going to read it again and take notes on how to write something this amazing.
10. Red Glove by Holly Black:

Summary:

Curses and cons. Magic and the mob. In Cassel Sharpe’s world, they go together. Cassel always thought he was an ordinary guy, until he realized his memories were being manipulated by his brothers. Now he knows the truth—he’s the most powerful curse worker around. A touch of his hand can transform anything—or anyone—into something else. That was how Lila, the girl he loved, became a white cat. Cassel was tricked into thinking he killed her, when actually he tried to save her. Now that she’s human again, he should be overjoyed. Trouble is, Lila’s now been cursed to love him. And if Lila’s love is as phony as Cassel’s made-up memories, then he can’t believe anything she says or does.

When Cassel’s oldest brother is murdered, the Feds recruit Cassel to help solve the crime. But the mob is after him too—they know how valuable he could be. Cassel is going to have to stay one step ahead of both sides just to survive. But where can he turn when he can’t trust anyone—least of all, himself?

My Thoughts:
I adored WHITE CAT, and the sequel is fabulous too. Who could resist a world of magic and cons and one boy caught up in both even though he really wants to be a good person? Thoroughly entertaining, fast paced, and full of emotional depths, this is one of the best books--one of the best series--I've ever read.
11. The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater:

Summary:

From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Shiver and Linger comes a brand new, heartstopping novel.

Some race to win. Others race to survive.

It happens at the start of every November: the Scorpio Races. Riders attempt to keep hold of their water horses long enough to make it to the finish line.

Some riders live.

Others die.

At age nineteen, Sean Kendrick is the returning champion. He is a young man of few words, and if he has any fears, he keeps them buried deep, where no one else can see them.

Puck Connolly is different. She never meant to ride in the Scorpio Races. But fate hasn't given her much of a choice. So she enters the competition - the first girl ever to do so. She is in no way prepared for what is going to happen.
As she did in her bestselling Shiver trilogy, author Maggie Stiefvater takes us to the breaking point, where both love and life meet their greatest obstacles, and only the strong of heart can survive. The Scorpio Races is an unforgettable reading experience.

My Thoughts:

I didn't expect to love this so much. I mean, it's Maggie, so I figured I'd enjoy it. But I fell hard for this book. It has Maggie's gorgeous prose and insightful character development, yes. But it also has something ... more. The story is bigger than the two main characters, and we feel the stakes as they affect others too. We fall in love with more than the two main characters, too. It's full of danger, suspense, courage, and two damaged people slowly and courageously finding their way toward true love and hope. Beautiful, heart breaking, and so moving, this is a book I'll be re-reading just to see how she does it.

12. The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson:

Summary:

Once a century, one person is chosen for greatness.

Elisa is the chosen one.

But she is also the younger of two princesses. The one who has never done anything remarkable, and can’t see how she ever will.

Now, on her sixteenth birthday, she has become the secret wife of a handsome and worldly king—a king whose country is in turmoil. A king who needs her to be the chosen one, not a failure of a princess.

And he’s not the only one who seeks her. Savage enemies, seething with dark magic, are hunting her. A daring, determined revolutionary thinks she could be his people’s savior, and he looks at her in a way that no man has ever looked at her before. Soon it is not just her life, but her very heart that is at stake.

Elisa could be everything to those who need her most. If the prophecy is fulfilled. If she finds the power deep within herself. If she doesn’t die young.
Most of the chosen do.

My Thoughts:

There's no such thing as a perfect book, but this comes close. The world Ms. Carson builds is flawlessly complex. The stakes are unbelievably high. And Elisa just stole my heart. One of my favorite parts of the book was seeing the subtle growth in Elisa's character. Ms. Carson reveals her in tiny movements, small choices, and little sentences that are all part of the tapestry of this rich, compelling story. I can't recommend this book highly enough.

That's my list of the best books I read this year. There are many, many other amazing books out there, and I know I missed some (or just haven't had a chance to read them). What are your recs for best books from 2011?

Here It Comes!

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-06:00

I'm excited about the things I'll be doing on this blog in 2012. Of course, I'll continue to bring you the random Monday lists that make you so very thankful this is MY life and not YOURS. But there are other fun things in the works! Here's a peek at what you can expect:

The introduction of a new interviewer for our Wednesday author interviews! Now authors can choose from Captain Jack Sparrow, the Were-llama, the Spork of Doom and ... ??? She'll be introduced soon so stay tuned. And, as is fitting, her first encounter will be with the inimitable Beth Revis. Frankly, I'm putting my money on our interviewer ...
Continuing the Trailer Tuesdays
Fridays the Were-llama will review! What will he review? Books. Movies. T.V. shows. Broadway Shows. School Plays. Choir Rehearsals. Basically, anything he could have an opinion on. Which is pretty much everything.
On the Wednesdays that aren't set aside for author interviews, I am introducing another new segment: Author Mad Libs. I'm really looking forward to this one! I will send an author a list of parts of speech so they can list some interesting words for me. Then, I will plug those words into a piece I've written about the author and her book. I expect it to often be a source of mid-week hilarity.

Of course, I will still occasionally give writing project updates or post about something that just strikes a chord that day. And as I get closer to the release date for DEFIANCE, there will be cover reveals, contests, giveaways, and more!

So hang on to your book bag, dear reader. 2012 is going to be EPIC. Unless, of course, I get taken out by a Zombie Goat. Always a possibility. *puts on anti-Zombie Goat helmet and goes on about her business*

Jack The Giant Killer

2011-12-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today for Trailer Tuesday I bring you the trailer for a movie coming out this summer. It's an adaptation of the Jack and the Beanstalk fairy tale. Looks intriguing! What do you think?

Toilet of Doom*

2011-12-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

*Special thanks to Twitter follower xHeatherxMariex for the title.

1. I had a post planned for today--my first day back from the holiday I took from writing real blog posts.

2. It had visual aids that looked like this:

and this:

3. I know. Classy, right?

4. But certain events have conspired to change the theme of my post. And NOW the visual aid looks like this:

5. Allow me to explain.

6. Over the years, I've discovered that I (most inexplicably) have a nemesis or two out there. Chicken nuggets. Gravity. Beth Revis.

7. Trees. Goats. Diet Coke.

8. Dental hygienists. iPhones. Green beans.

9. I could continue, but I think you get the picture. I've even devoted an entire post to one of my more determined opponents--that spawn of Satan we call the automatically flushing toilet.

10. I made the grievous mistake of believing that I could openly discuss the toilet's actions in a public forum with impunity.

11. I'm here to tell you that is not the case.

12. Apparently, the automatically flushing toilet takes exception to a frank discussion of its (lengthy) list of faults.

13. And apparently, I'm on the short list of Those Who Must Be Neutralized.

14. The toilet has, in various locations, tried to wound me.

15. Multiple flushes with a line of women waiting. Flushes with cruel suction and drafty drafts where no drafts should go. Flat-out refusals to flush, no matter how much I threaten its mama.

16. But these actions, while inconvenient and annoying, did not strike fear in my heart.

17. And any worthy nemesis will tell you there's no point in being a nemesis if you can't strike fear in your opponent's heart.

18. Last night, the automatically flushing toilet escalated the conflict.

19. I took the teenager to see Mission Impossible 4.

20. As I walked into the theater, I realized two things. 1. I was about to drink a significant amount of Diet Coke. 2. I've carried three babies, all of whom parked right on top of my bladder and traumatized it for life. I needed to go into this movie on EMPTY.

21. So, I decided to use the restroom.

22. Sadly, I was playing right into the toilet's ... um ... flushers.

23. I don't know how the dastardly deed was accomplished (though I suspect a paid professional), but somehow the toilet KNEW which stall I would choose.

24. And it KNEW I would be wearing shoes without much traction.

25. And it KNEW all the various laws of physics that would work to its advantage.

26. Like the law of inertia.

27. And gravity.

28. I, on the other hand, had grown complacent, and therefore I was easy pickings.

29. I walked down the line of stalls, saw one with an open door, and stepped over the threshold right into a puddle of water.

30. Have you ever been water skiing?

31. It can be fun, under the right circumstances.

32. You know, the circumstances in which you are in a warm, sunny location being pulled by a boat.

33. The circumstances in which if you lose your balance, you simple sink into the water and start swimming.

34. These were NOT those circumstances, but there I was. Water skiing.

35. Fortunately, it was a short journey. There's only a couple of feet between the doorway and the toilet.

36. Unfortunately, while the toilet was kind enough to stop the forward momentum of my knees, it failed to address the forward momentum of the rest of me.

37. Have you ever seen a jack-knifed semi truck?

38. Then you get the idea.

39. I hit the toilet with my knees (sooo fun), jack-knifed at the waist, and had the presence of mind to slam my arms onto the toilet seat mere seconds before my face hit the water.

40. Before my FACE hit the WATER.

41. I do not think there's enough therapy in the world to recover from giving oneself a swirly in a public restroom with the stall door wide open for all the other occupants of the restroom to stand there and take bets on how long it will take you to surface.

42. I nearly scrubbed my skin off as I washed up and left the restroom.

43. On the way home, I contemplated all the ways in which I would now have to be wary whenever I got desperate enough to use a public restroom.

44. And then I got home, walked into my own familiar bathroom and stepped (barefoot) on a wad of chewing gum. (I have boys. Why are you surprised?)

45. I'd like to tidy up the end of this post with a pithy little remark, but honestly? I just nearly did a face-plant into a public toilet.

45. I've got nothing left.

Trailer Tuesday: Snow White and the Huntsman

2011-12-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's trailer is for a movie based on the Snow White fairy tale. This is no Disney cartoon version, however. I can't WAIT to see this. What do you think?

Trailer Tuesday - Everneath

2011-12-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's book trailer is for a book that hits stores this January. I've read an ARC of EVERNEATH, and I have to tell you, it is one of my all-time favorite books. Ever. You won't want to miss it! This trailer gives just a little hint at the awesomeness of EVERNEATH. What do you think?

Trailer Tuesday: THE SPACE BETWEEN

2011-12-06T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's trailer is for Brenna Yovanoff's THE SPACE BETWEEN. Brenna writes lush, atmospheric, insightful books. I can't wait to read TSB. What do you think?

Sparkle While You Spit!

2011-12-05T09:07:00.001-06:00

1. Sadly, I don't have much to contribute to Monday's blog list. (Other than the pic above which one of my awesome Twitter followers was kind enough to send to me.)

2. My favorite may be Edward Llama.

3. The only thing better than being able to spit on your enemies is to sparkle while you do it!

4. Anyway, the reason I don't have much to contribute today is because I spent most of last week sick with the flu.

5. This was unfortunate for many reasons, not the least of which is that fever-induced insomnia leads to a whirlwind of absolute craziness in my head.

6. Here's a peek at what my stream of consciousness looked like last Thursday night:

Ladyfinger cookies don't look like fingers.
Or DO they?
*spends far too much time imagining eating fingers*
I don't think there's anyway to eat fingers in a ladylike manner.
Zombie Etiquette!
Elizabeth Post's "Table Manners for Zombies"
Zombiessssszzzzzzzzz
UP! I'm up!
Why am I up?
It's dark. It must be late. I bet I was asleep for hours.
*checks clock*
Three minutes since last time I looked? THREE?
Someone is torturing me.
Beth Revis?
An evil mastermind, yes, but how could she give me the flu from hundreds of miles away?
Flu ninjas?
Chuck Norris?
What would happen if Chuck Norris could fly?
Who says he can't?
Who says Chuck Norris is even REAL?
Nothing is real.
Except the fact that the room is spinning.
Who told this room it could spin? I would definitely remember giving my permission for something like that.
Beagle dogs.
I need to get better. I need to clean the house.
If they can invent a self-cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self-cleaning house?
Lazy scientists.
I'll send Chuck Norris to whip them into shape.
CHUCK NORRIS SHOULD CLEAN MY HOUSE.
I really need sleep.
*checks clock*
ONLY TWO MORE MINUTES HAVE PASSED?
*dies*
*figuratively*

And on and on it went. And to make it even better? The entire thing played out against a running loop of the following theme song:

Why I got both the Wonderpets and Chuck Norris stuck in my head at the same time is one of the great mysteries of the universe.

Trailer Tuesday: Variant

2011-11-29T08:00:00.000-06:00

There are three trailers for the book VARIANT. I'm intrigued. What do you think?

Trailer Tuesday: Dark Eden

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's book trailer is for a book I'd heard nothing about until I found this trailer on Harper's YouTube channel, but once I watched this video, I decided to put DARK EDEN on my TBR list! What do you think?

Winner: THE NEAR WITCH

2011-11-21T20:24:00.001-06:00

Thank you to all who entered the contest for the copy of Victoria Schwab's THE NEAR WITCH. As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is:

Denise Zaky

Congratulations Denise! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Thanks for entering and happy reading!

Boys - 0, Baby Girl - 1

2011-11-21T09:08:00.001-06:00

1. I don't think today's list will be very long. I don't feel like I have a lot to say.

2. I might surprise myself, though, so be forewarned.

3. I didn't spend much time online this past weekend, so I was ~~totally shocked~~ pleasantly surprised when I saw there are a handful of intrepid souls actually willing to take on the formidable job of being my assistant even though my compensation package is ... odd.

4. I actually was just having fun with that post. I DO need an assistant at some point, but until I can pay someone in cash instead of books and llamas, I'll wait.

5. I do, however, now have a short list of those who are interested, so that's awesome!

6. Johanna is talking up a storm these days. She seems to learn new words every day.

7. Yesterday, I was reading a book to her, and I pointed to things and asked her to say them as I turned the pages.

8. The conversation looked like this:

Me: Can you say "apple"?

J: Apple.

Me: Can you say "fish"?

J: Fish.

Me: Can you say "bird"?

J: Bird.

Me: Can you say "flower"?

J: Yup.

9. I guess she was done repeating after me. :)

10. We got the latest edition of Harry Potter Scene It, the one with all 8 films represented, and I can proudly say that I trounced the rest of my family last night.

11. I don't usually win HP Scene It, but the new format and options on this edition played to my strengths.

12. Who knows how long the rest of my family will let me keep my bragging rights?

13. Last week, Clint and I went to see the Broadway musical MEMPHIS. It was fabulous!

14. I'm grateful he has a job that gives us access to so much of the art scene here in Nashville.

15. My kids have no idea how lucky they are to get to go to shows, concerts, plays, museums etc every month.

16. Speaking of kids, Baby J has the boys firmly wrapped around her little finger. Here's proof:

17. The other day, the boys were watching their favorite show, Phineas and Ferb. Baby J was wandering around the living room playing when she slipped and fell and hit her head.

18. She cried. I picked her up and rocked her while sitting on the couch, and she kept crying. All three boys got up from their seats and hovered around me, trying to get their little sister to stop crying.

19. She looked up and saw them and said "Hot dog?"

20. Which is her way of saying "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse," her favorite show. (They sing a song at the end of every show that is called "Hot dog.")

21. The boys instantly changed the tv channel to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. As soon as she saw that, she stopped crying and smiled.

22. I told the boys they'd been played.

23. They didn't care. Anything to make her happy.

24. I'm pretty sure Baby J understands that attitude with perfect clarity.

Help Wanted

2011-11-18T09:33:00.001-06:00

I've decided the general mayhem of my life would be greatly improved if I could find an assistant. Naturally, any assistant of mine will need to have some unique qualifications. I've decided to run this potential ad by my blog readers before I post it on Craig's List.

Job Description:

Personal assistant to full-time writer, mother of four, consummate food-snorter, and general lunatic.

Qualifications:

*Must love to read YA books in any stage of completion. In a related note, must be willing to read chapters that will change fifteen times, must not bat an eye when established plot lines are thrown into the garbage disposal, and must be able to intelligently discuss things like swoony almost-kisses and how to blow things up.

*Must enjoy cooking or at least fake it really well.

*Must never, under any circumstances, bring green beans into my house.

*Must be able to keep shiny seekrits.

*Must understand social networking, have relationships with bloggers and reviewers, and must be willing to ~~stalk~~ do reasonable research on the possibility that Johnny Depp is moving to Nashville.

*Must be able to give a succinct definition of crazypants. Also, must enjoy working with someone who is crazypants.

*Must flush the toilet after every use. While this might seem to be a given, I'm a mother of three boys. I take nothing for granted.

*Must be able to type, text, skype, and vlog. Bonus if you also know how to make me look like Jennifer Garner in my own vlogs.

*Must know an amazing recipe for lemon bars of awesomeness.

*Must remember where I left my cellphone. And my car keys. And my brain.

*Must be willing to make emergency peach tea runs.

*Must be on good terms with the Were-llama. If you can match him for distance in a spitting contest, you are instantly hired.

*Must be able to participate in a rousing discussion on any and all aspects of Harry Potter. Bonus points if you know how to make butter beer.

*Must know how to reply diplomatically to all emails. Even those from people with an enlarged sense of entitlement.

*Must be able to carry on a phone conversation with me even while I am simultaneously changing a poopy diaper, yelling at the dog, and keeping my boys from blowing up the downstairs.

*Must not consider In 'N Out burger's fries to be the world's best. If you fail on this one, you may qualify to be my HUSBAND'S assistant, but not mine.

*Extra consideration will be given to anyone who can provide unique and inspiring musical suggestions for my playlists. Even MORE consideration will be given to anyone who can break out in show tunes at a moment's notice.

Compensation:

Qualified applicants will be paid in free books (both ARCs and already published), generous acknowledgements in the back of my books, my willingness to kill or maim (within the pages of my books) anyone you choose, use of the Were-llama on weekends, and an unlimited supply of cookies. Homemade, of course.

I wonder if I'll have any takers?

Interview With Victoria Schwab

2011-11-16T07:40:00.001-06:00

Today I'm excited to have Victoria Schwab, author of THE NEAR WITCH, on the blog. Victoria's cover is one of the prettiest I've ever seen, and it perfectly matches the writing within. THE NEAR WITCH is a fairy tale (an original fairy tale which required Victoria to research all kinds of interesting things in order to create a unique mythic structure), and Victoria's writing is lovely, ethereal, and haunting. Here's a peek at THE NEAR WITCH:

The Near Witch is only an old story told to frighten children.

If the wind calls at night, you must not listen. The wind is lonely, and always looking for company.

And there are no strangers in the town of Near.

These are the truths that Lexi has heard all her life.

But when an actual stranger—a boy who seems to fade like smoke—appears outside her home on the moor at night, she knows that at least one of these sayings is no longer true.

The next night, the children of Near start disappearing from their beds, and the mysterious boy falls under suspicion. Still, he insists on helping Lexi search for them. Something tells her she can trust him.

As the hunt for the children intensifies, so does Lexi’s need to know—about the witch that just might be more than a bedtime story, about the wind that seems to speak through the walls at night, and about the history of this nameless boy.

Part fairy tale, part love story, Victoria Schwab’s debut novel is entirely original yet achingly familiar: a song you heard long ago, a whisper carried by the wind, and a dream you won’t soon forget.

Looks awesome, doesn't it? When I invited Victoria to come on the blog, she decided to take on the Spork of Doom. Having spent some time hanging out with Victoria, I can honestly say she has the moxie necessary to handle the Spork.

Spork of Doom

Victoria Schwab

Now that you know who's who, it's time to reveal the incredible cupcake my hubby made in honor of Victoria's book. There are spooky woods by the town of Near, and an even spookier witch. (According to legend, of course. If you want to know if the legend is true, you'll have to read the book.) My hubby made a creepy looking twisted tree trunk with a bony witch hand clutching it (perhaps preparing to beckon you to meet your doom?). Without further ado, I give you the haunting Near Witch cupcake and Victoria vs. the Spork of Doom.

Come to me, my pretty.

1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Why would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?

Because I’ve already started! Through my continuous use of and reference to narwhals, cupcakes, chocolate, fairy tales, and diet coke, I’ve begun a system of Pavlovian response where the general public hears any of those words, and thinks of me. I shall branch out until the majority of the populace’s daily speech makes them think of me!

2. I suppose that could be rather useful. I might even employ that tactic myself. But the only word I'm interested in being associated with is DOOM. Being a Spork of Doom takes moxie. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

I got arrested for hitchhiking in France, jumped out of an airplane, and dream of owning a bakery where every dessert is named for a fairy tale (trigger word!) character.

3. I expect you to name a pie after me. You can call it Pie of Doom. Or you can call it The Last Pastry You Will Ever Eat. I don't care which. When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

I’m quite partial to chocolate (trigger word!) chess pie, but also love a good peach cobbler :)

4. I like the idea of a chess pie. The world is my chess board! CHECKMATE, WORLD! What’s your favorite thing to do with a spork?

Spear helpless little cubes of fruit! But not grapes. Grapes are evil and evasive of sporks.

5. You would waste the spectacular stabbing ability of the spork on ... fruit?? I may have misjudged your minion potential. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

I have the ability to transform into a giant cupcake (trigger word!). No, really, I do. Complete with detachable sprinkles. And that cupcake is evil. Her name is Sickly Sweet.

6. A giant cupcake that is both ridiculously cute and thoroughly evil? Mwahahaha! Everyone would be too distracted by your sugary sweetness to notice their own imminent doom. You are hereby reinstated as my minion! In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

Buy a Book, Feed and Author (Chocolate). <--trigger word! But seriously, I have a team of graphic designers hard at work on the graphic representation of this sentence.

7. You seem to be implying tht most authors will work for chocolate. *checks astonishingly large supply of reserve chocolate* I may need to hire more of your kind to help in my quest. If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

I’m obviously like Marie Antoniette, because she liked cake so much. Wait, what do you mean that’s not what she meant...

8. I can appreciate someone with a dessert fixation. Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

Because I get to LIE. Elaborately.

9. And people believe you! You have now been promoted to Head Minion. In between conquests, I like to read a good story. What can you recommend and why?

I’d recommend some Brothers Grimm, because they’re morbid, but have found ways to infiltrate today’s society under the guise of harmless childhood tales. We can learn much for them.

10. Stop. You had me at infiltrate. You need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

Cloak, OBVIOUSLY. And why? Because it’s BALLER.

11. So few realize that. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

“Eat the cupcake!” <--trigger word!

Thank you, Victoria, for such an entertaining interview! Of course, the fun isn't over yet. Victoria is giving away a copy of THE NEAR WITCH to one lucky reader. If the winner lives in the U.S., the book will be signed. If the winner lives outside the U.S., Victoria will order a new copy sent to you from Book Depository.

To enter, fill out the form below. The contest is open until 8 p.m. central time Monday, November 21. Good luck and happy reading!

Winner!

2011-11-15T17:00:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for a signed copy of Brenna Yovanoff's THE SPACE BETWEEN. As always, I used random.org to select the winner. And the lucky winner is:

Krista

Congratulations, Krista! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Happy reading!

Trailer Tuesday: THE HUNGER GAMES

2011-11-15T08:00:00.001-06:00

Today's trailer is for the movie adaptation of one of my favorite books: THE HUNGER GAMES. In my opinion, this trailer is enough to make me sign up for the midnight premiere. And I will probably need a handy supply of tissue before the movie is through. What do you think?

Blog Post, Y'All!

2011-11-14T09:26:00.001-06:00

Vampire kitty dares you to tell him that he sparkles in the sunlight.

1. Before I give you the few carefully cultivated gems I've been hoarding up over the weekend, let's get a few important (and fun!) housekeeping items out of the way.

2. First, the winner of the "Friend Me on YABC and Win the Book of Your Choice" contest is Lori M. Lee! Congratulations, Lori. Please send me your book choice ($20 or less, please choose from Book Depository), along with your shipping info. :)

3. Second, today is the last day to enter to win a signed copy of Brenna Yovanoff's amazing THE SPACE BETWEEN. Brenna is a fabulous writer. You don't want to miss this!

4. Okay, housekeeping items dispensed with. On to the gems.

5. We spent this past weekend in Florence, Kentucky (just across the border from Cincinnati) with three other families from our China travel group so we could celebrate the girls' Gotcha Day together.

6. It was a fabulous time. We went to the aquarium, let the kids swim in the hotel's indoor pool, had a terrible dining experience at the local Cheddar's, had an incredible dining experience at the Oriental Wok (where we had our Gotcha Day dinner), and truly enjoyed seeing the girls together again.

7. Naturally, I noticed a few things I thought you would enjoy.

8. For example, despite the fact that we were far enough north that when I ordered "unsweetened tea" I was corrected and informed that it was just "tea"--apparently "sweet" tea is the anomaly here--the huge water tower at the entrance to the city said, in giant letters, "Florence, Y'all."

9. Florence.

10. Y'all.

11. You can't say that without sounding both perky and slightly demented.

12. Go ahead. Try it.

13. I've traveled all through the south (where sweet tea, buttermilk, grits, okra, and biscuits are KING), and never once seen this on any water tower.

14. Clearly, Florence, with its regular tea and stunning lack of okra, is trying to upstage us and be both northern AND southern.

15. I might take up a petition to add "Y'all" to our local water tower just to even the playing field.

16. And then I'm going to take the "You are now entering Nashville" sign and change it to "Y'all are fixin' ta enter Nash-vull" and Florence will weep with envy.

17. On our way home from Florence, as we were driving through Kentucky, we saw a sign advertising the following:

18. "Used cows for sale."

19. I'm not sure I want to ask for an explanation.

20. I mean, clearly the cows are not brand new.

21. But unless the farmer is putting a bunch of has-been milkers up for sale, I don't know how a cow could've been used ...

22. You know what? I'm not actually going to pursue that line of thought. *has a fertile imagination*

23. Suffice it to say, if you're in the market for used cows, Kentucky is your mecca!

24. We also stopped at Mamouth Cave during our trip. I was grateful to discover the cave is both dry, roomy, and free of nasty creatures who enjoy swarming mouthy red-heads.

25. Not that I've heard of nasty cave insects that like to swarm mouthy red-heads, but with my track record, if there HAD BEEN any in existence, I would've found them.

On the blog this week:

Tuesday: Book trailer
Wednesday: Interview and giveaway w/author Victoria Schwab
Friday: Help Wanted

3 Things You Might Not Know About Turkeys (That Could Save Your Life)

2011-11-10T08:00:00.000-06:00

Today's post is brought to us by author Jus Accardo. Enjoy her hilarious (and disturbing) turkey warnings and check out her new book at the bottom of the post!

They seem innocent enough… Waddling through the high grass and by the side of the road…. Their eerie cry can be heard from over a mile away and their bloodlust is insatiable. I speak of course, of the Wild Turkey.

No, not that Wild Turkey, this one.

People foolishly think the month of November belongs to them—but it doesn’t. It belongs to the Turkeys. While we sit at our tables, fat and happy and indulging in turkey with mashed potatoes lust, the Wild Turkeys are out there… Plotting their revenge.

They strike when you least expect it. I know this because I’m a survivor of one such attack. It’s hard for me to speak of, but for the sake helping others, I’ll somehow manage. It was several Novembers ago… I used to drive with my windows down, zipping along without a care in the world. That day was like any other. I was on my way home from the food store with our Thanksgiving turkey, radio on and windows down, when he struck. I was alone in my car one moment—and not the next.

In through the passenger’s side he flew, wedging himself in the open window. Thrashing feathers and vicious chomping beak. His shrill battle cry haunts my nightmares to this very day. I was able to fend him off with an empty 2 liter soda bottle sitting on the seat beside me, but I will never forget...

And I’m not the only one. I’ve seen Turkeys swarm a house and invade in force through the front door. I’ve seen them use themselves as flying projectiles shot at moving cars. This threat should be taken seriously, so here are some tips to survive the month of November Turkey mayhem…

1. They’re fast. Very important. Keep this in mind when trying to outrun one. They may look bumbling and slow, but trust me, these suckers can move. Wild Turkeys can fly at almost 55 mph—and they can run at almost 25mph. Can you do that?

2. Excellent daytime vision. They see in color so avoid wearing bright clothing. By sticking to browns and other earth tones, you’re more likely to blend in. The Wild Turkey’s daytime vision is three times stronger than that of a human. If you need to travel, do so at night. Don’t bother with disguises—Turkeys see through them easily. Attempting to trick them seems to anger them further.

3. Excellent hearing. You might not see ears on the head of a Turkey, but don’t let that fool you. They can pinpoint a sound from over a mile away. Attempts at sneaking past one should be avoided at all costs unless wearing rocket powered skates.

If all else fails, you can always hide for the month of November. Be sure to stock lots of nonperishable items and plenty of batteries. Granted there are groups of turkeys on the prowl at all times, but they band together in force during November. Chances are, if you wait out the month in the safety of a hidden shelter, you should be fine.

Good luck and God be with you…

And have a Happy Thanksgiving :D

Thank you, Jus, for such an entertaining post. Now I can add fear of being mauled by a wild turkey while driving in my car to my list of strange phobias! For more information about Jus, visit her site. And here's a quick peek at her book TOUCH, which just came out this month.

When a strange boy tumbles down a river embankment and lands at her feet, seventeen‐year-old adrenaline junkie Deznee Cross snatches the opportunity to piss off her father by bringing the mysterious hottie with ice blue eyes home.

Except there’s something off with Kale. He wears her shoes in the shower, is overly fascinated with things like DVDs and vases, and acts like she’ll turn to dust if he touches her. It’s not until Dez’s father shows up, wielding a gun and knowing more about Kale than he should, that Dez realizes there’s more to this boy—and her father’s “law firm”—than she realized.

Kale has been a prisoner of Denazen Corporation—an organization devoted to collecting “special” kids known as Sixes and using them as weapons—his entire life. And, oh yeah, his touch? It kills. Dez and Kale team up with a group of rogue Sixes hellbent on taking down Denazen before they’re caught and her father discovers the biggest secret of all. A secret Dez has spent her life keeping safe.

A secret Kale will kill to protect.

Looks like an action-packed story! Thanks again, Jus, and to all my faithful blog readers -- beware of turkeys.

Interview with Brenna Yovanoff

2011-11-09T07:45:00.000-06:00

I became a fan of Brenna Yovanoff's writing earlier this year when I read her first book, THE REPLACEMENT. Brenna's writing is vivid, gritty, and full of heart. And she is one of a handful of writers who knows how to write a book from a boy's perspective and have it actually sound authentic. When I saw she had another book hitting the shelves, I couldn't wait to invite her on the blog so I could introduce her to all of you. If you love unique stories and incredible writing, you'll want to pick up Brenna Yovanoff's books! Here's a peek at her latest book, THE SPACE BETWEEN:

Everything burns in Pandemonium, a city in Hell made of chrome and steel, where there is no future and life is an expanse of frozen time. That’s where Daphne lives.

The daughter of a demon and a fallen angel, she wonders what lies in store for her. Will she become a soulless demon like her sisters? Or follow in the footsteps of her brother Obie, whose life is devoted to saving lost souls on Earth? All she wants is to find a place where she belongs.

When Obie saves a bleeding, broken boy named Truman from the brink of death and then suddenly goes missing, Daphne runs away to Earth to find him. But on Earth, everything is colder and more terrifying, and Daphne struggles between her demon instincts and her growing—yet achingly unfamiliar—feelings for Truman. As Daphne and Truman search for Obie, they must navigate the jealousies and alliances of the violent archangels who stand in their way. But Daphne also discovers, unexpectedly, what it means to love and be human in a world where human is the hardest thing to be.

Brenna had a hard time choosing between our interviewers, but eventually she settled on the inimitable Captain Jack Sparrow. Let's meet today's guests.

Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

Brenna Yovanoff

Before we dive into the interview, it's time to reveal the amazing cupcake my hubby made in honor of THE SPACE BETWEEN. When asked for cupcake design ideas, Brenna told me the predominant colors in her book are red, black, and silver, and that there are flowers in Pandemonium. From that, my hubby envisioned a corrupt, macabre flower and then turned that vision into a cupcake that is truly worthy of a place in my growing Creepy Cupcake Hall of Fame. Without further ado, I give you the hellflower cupcake and Brenna vs. Captain Jack!

I am a flower that grows in hell. Touch me if you want to die.

1. Would you classify yourself as a pirate or a member of Her Majesty’s Royal navy? Why?

I prefer to think of myself as a pirate operative, happily and sneakily ensconced within the ranks of Her Majesty's Royal navy.

2. A lovely lady skilled in the art of treasonous spying? I'm intrigued already. What’s your favorite thing to do in Tortuga?

In Tortuga, the only decent thing to do is assemble a band of cutthroats and plan for the next escapade. Also, dancing.

3. Darling, I'll keep an eye on your band of cutthroats while you dance the night away. What's that? Of course your merry band of murderers will still be there in the morning. Do you take me for a thief? You wound me. I’m offering you free passage aboard my ship to anywhere in the world. Where shall we go, love?

Let's first take a quick jaunt through the Canary Islands, and then set out for the end of the world.

4. Who is the hero of your story most like: me (savvy, debonair, and unquestionably smooth with the ladies), the insufferably honorable Will Turner, or that deceptive little minx Elizabeth?

While none of my heroes would be described as insufferably honorable, there is a certain quality of the classic do-gooder to my heroine Daphne. But that’s only because she doesn’t know any better.

5. Let me spend a few hours with her. I'm sure I can ... realign her thinking. Rum? Or more rum?

Most. The most rum.

6. A treasonous spy, a leader of a band of cutthroats, and now a woman who can drink me under the table? Where have you been all my life? Wait. You weren't planning on drinking MY rum, were you? Which leads me to the age old question: Why is the rum always gone?

Because it is infinitely more delicious than gin.

7. Gin is for ladies and stiff-collared members of Her Majesty's Navy. What’s the most piratish thing you’ve ever done?

Do you mean piratish in the sense of scaling towers to get the lay of the land and creeping through dark secret tunnels in search of treasure, or piratish in the sense of taking people’s lunches on the playground? Because, yeah. That first one. Also, you think I’m lying, but I’m not.

8. Darling, you had me at scaling towers. Are they rules? Or more like guidelines?

Rules are for people who lack imagination. Guidelines are for people well acquainted with the wondrousness of possibility.

9. I'd like to get better acquainted with your imagination. *winks* I understand you’re a story-teller. Any undead monkeys in your stories?

No undead monkeys at this time, but that’s not to say it will never happen. Until then, undead everything else!

10. You're better off. Undead ANYTHING ELSE is better than an undead monkey, curse his vicious primate soul. Which reminds me. Any curses in your book? Heartless monsters? Irritating women who insist on taking matters into their own hands?

No, yes, and my personal favorite, always.

11. One of my favorite words is “egregious.” Care to share one of yours, love?

My favorite word is diplomacy. It means the kind of lying that people can all agree on.

12. As long as diplomacy means I get to keep my ship, my rum, and the girl, I'm all for it. Parlay? Or draw your sword?

Parlay. With a cutlass behind my back, and a knife in my shoe.

13. I see I need to thoroughly search you before allowing you aboard my ship. The prospect is not without its allure. You’ve got a crowd of cursed sailors and a nasty sea monster on your trail. How do you escape?

With a grace and daring unparalleled by any ordinary adventurer. But I can’t divulge the details. It would ruin the surprise.

14. In other words, you don't have a plan. You like to make it up as you go along. Fortunately, I understand and even approve of that sort of problem-solving method. It has worked well for me in the past. Romantic night in? Or adventure on the high seas?

Romantic night on the high seas, against the picturesque backdrop of charging brigands and a gently-exploding powder keg.

15. You are a little pirate, aren't you? *offers arm* Shall we make that dream a reality? My personal motto is: Take what you want, give nothing back. What’s yours?

Almost everything is survivable.

Thank you, Brenna, for such an entertaining interview! Of course, the fun isn't over yet. Brenna is offering a signed copy of THE SPACE BETWEEN to one lucky winner! The contest is open to North America and closes at 8 p.m. Central Time Monday, November 14, 2011. To enter, simply fill out the entry form below. And don't forget to leave a comment for Brenna in the blogger comment section below the form!

Good luck to all and happy reading!

Trailer Tuesday: Abarat, Absolute Midnight

2011-11-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

This week's Trailer Tuesday post actually has two very different trailers for the same book. The second trailer is pretty creepy. This is the third installment in Clive Barker's Abarat fantasy series. What do you think?

YABC: An Introduction & A Contest!

2011-11-07T08:11:00.000-06:00

Chances are, if you frequent this blog, you're a book lover! One of my favorite things is to connect with other book lovers and share reviews and recommendations on the books I love. My favorite site for this is Young Adult Books Central (YABC). Not only is this a fabulous site for readers, it's a site that offers a lot of fabulous things to authors too! So, I thought I'd take a day to introduce you, my fellow book lovers, to YABC by interviewing M.G., the girl who runs it. Make sure you check the end of the interview for a FUN!! contest. :)

1. How long has YABC been around?

YABooksCentral.com has been around since 1998, back during the Dawn of the Internet. It was founded by Kimberly Pauley (the author of the Sucks to Be Me Series) as a basic stopover for people looking for information on young adult books. It was originally part of the same network that is now About.com. Since then, YABC has evolved into one of the largest book review sites targeted towards teen and tween books. Readers from all around the globe, of any age, come to YABC to share their thoughts about their favorite (or not so favorite) books.

2. What is your philosophy?

At YABC, we believe every book is someone's favorite book. We do not discourage readers from any book--we strive to pair the right books with the right readers, sort of like an online librarian. This means we do not allow trolling on our site. NO trashing a book or author. NO writing reviews for shock value. NO defamation. If there is something a reviewer doesn't like about a book, we expect them to be able to explain why in a clear and helpful manner.

3. How does your review system work? (Official reviewers and those who sign up to use the site)

We have about 20 Official Team Reviewers here at YABC. We review anything from picture books on up to young adult. But anyone can post a review on YABC! That's what makes us different from other book review sites. Each book is given an "editor" rating, which is the rating our Team Reviewers give the book, and there is also a "user" rating, which tallies all the ratings submitted by our readers. It's important to us to have as many reviews and ratings as possible for each book from a wide variety of readers, because we realize everyone has different tastes! We wouldn't want to discourage a teen from picking up a potential favorite book solely because one of our Team Reviewers didn't care for it.

4. What demographic of readers frequent the site?

Even though we're a site targeted to teen and tween readers, we have visitors of all ages! We have entire classrooms visit our site during school to post reviews of books they have read in class, which I think is so cool. Book reports have come a long way since my day! We also have librarians who direct kids to YABC if they want to learn more about specific titles and read reviews. Parents love our Kids Books Central section (KidsBooksCentral.com), which focuses on the 0-12 age group. Authors and publishers sign up to submit author bios and books into our database, then they direct their readers to YABC to post reviews. Book bloggers share their reviews on YABC, just like they do Good Reads and Amazon, because they know their review will reach a targeted teen audience. We have members from all across the globe. So really, we're a community of all ages and demographics. Any book lover is welcome!

5. Care to share how many unique users hits you get a month?

YABC receives an average of 60,000 visits a month, spanning across our YA Books Central section, our Kids Books Central section, our blog, and our network of author bios, interviews, book excerpts, and reading guides. We also have supplemental interaction on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Young-Adult-Books-Central-YABC/49509922115) and Twitter (@yabookscentral).

6. How do you work with authors? Giveaways? Cover reveals? Book trailers?

We do it all! We not only have a passion for getting kids excited about books, but we also have a passion for supporting authors. We host giveaways for free each month on YABC's main site. Prizes come from publishers, publicists, and authors. All you have to do is contact me at mandy@yabookscentral.com for availability, and we'll set you up!

We also host giveaways on our YABC blog as well as posting cover reveals, author interviews, exclusive excerpts and other tidbits, book trailers, and more. You can also find a weekly post showcasing the new releases for that week. The blog is a great way to keep up-to-date with what's going on at YABC.

We also offer extremely affordable rates for advertising on YABC. We work with a lot of authors directly, helping them get the word out about their books to a targeted teen audience. We offer banners, skyscrapers, square ads, featured trailer slots, and more. And we're always happy to tailor to specific advertising needs, even if that means designing the ads for you.

7. Can you explain the process of adding someone to your friends list in 5 easy steps?

Sure! Just this year we added a new feature to YABC -- The YABC Community. Now readers can interact with authors, publishers, and of course other readers in our new social network dedicated solely to Children's book lovers.

1) Head on over to our YABC Community page.
2) Sign in. If you aren't a member yet, create an account with us. It's super fast and totally free. (And we won't send you spammy emails or notifications!) To make it even easier and faster, you can sign up through your Facebook account. Zip bam boom!

3) On the Community Home Feed page, use the Advanced Search to search for your friends. Our lovely CJ Redwine is already a member!

4) Click on your friend's name in the search results to be taken to their profile page.

5) Click on "Add as Friend" under their name. A notification box will pop up, letting you send a message to your friend along with your friend request, or you can leave that section blank. Hit "Add Friend" and you're good to go!

8. What makes YABC stand out from other review sites?

What makes YABC unique is that we pool together reviews from as many readers as we can. We want to hear from teens, tweens, parents, grandparents, librarians, teachers, authors, book bloggers -- anyone who has an opinion on Children's literature. We value reader feedback more than a single review from Kirkus or Publisher's Weekly because kids aren't interested in those reviews. They're interested in what their peers think, what their librarians think, what other readers with similar tastes think.

You can think of us as the GoodReads dedicated solely to Children's literature. And the best part? No trolling. No defamation. If a teen asks his librarian which book he should read next, she doesn't hold up a title and tell him all the ways it sucked pickled eggs. She directs him to the books she thinks he would really enjoy. That's what we do at YABC. Because reading is fun. The reading community is fun. And we just want to enjoy it.

We hope you choose to come and enjoy it with us!

Contest!!

Is there a book you've been dying to read but haven't yet found the time or money to purchase? (If you're anything like me, the list is LONG.) I'm going to be giving one lucky person the book of his or her choice! How do you enter? Simple!

Add me as a friend on YABC.

That's it! You have until Friday, November 11, 2011 at 8 p.m. Central Time. I will enter every person on my YABC friend's list into a drawing. The winner gets to pick any single title book ($20 max list price), and I'll have it shipped!

Want extra entries? Tweet a link or post a link to this contest on FB. Let me know in the comments trail that you did, and I'll give you an extra entry!

See you at YABC! :)

Thursday Throwback: Flushed Away!

2011-11-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

Today's Thursday Throwback blog post is one I wrote in (I believe) 2008 in which I recount a particularly fierce battle with one of my arch nemesii (Nemesises? Or is it like moose and therefore just "nemesis"?). Here's the link:

The Automatically Flushing Toilet

Enjoy!

Trailer Tuesday: Forest of Hands & Teeth

2011-11-01T08:31:00.000-05:00

This week for Trailer Tuesday, I'm posting a trailer for a book that came out several years ago. I loved this book, and I think the trailer does it justice. What do you think?

Winner: Adam by Jacquelyn Frank

2011-10-31T20:12:00.000-05:00

It's time to announce the winner of ADAM by Jacquelyn Frank. As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is

Lyssa Anne

Congratulations, Lyssa Anne! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Thanks for entering and happy reading!

ARCs: Why you get them & what to do with them

2011-10-31T13:45:00.001-05:00

What is an ARC?

ARCs (short for Advanced Reading Copies) are early copies of an author's book printed for promotional purposes only. ARCs are paperback, even if the real version of the book will be hardback. They may or may not include the final cover art. They are NOT the final version. Oftentimes, ARCs have irregular spacing, missing words, sometimes missing paragraphs. All of those last polishing-up details are taken care of before the final book is printed and shipped.

Why do publishers print ARCs?

An ARC is a like the pre-screening of a book. ARCs are sent to book reviewers, book bloggers, and others who are in a position to influence sales within the industry. The publishers select who will receive ARCs based on that book's marketing plan.

How to use ARCs:

If you receive an ARC, you read! Enjoy! Ignore that weird missing paragraph thing on p. 229. And then you go on your blog, your review site, Amazon, Goodreads, Facebook, Twitter and anywhere else you know other book lovers like to hang, and you tell them what you think of this book. Your job is to create advance buzz by starting a chain of word-of-mouth recommendations. If you love a book, shout that to the rooftops! If you don't love a book, be honest about that too. No one benefits from reviews that don't give a true picture of what you loved and didn't love about a book.

What to do with an ARC when you've finished reading:

Here's the heart of this post, and the reason why I interrupted my carefully crafted blog schedule of mayhem and nonsense to write this. You can keep your ARC. I know many bloggers who love to have bookshelves full of ARCs. You can throw it away. I know that hurts the heart of every book lover here, but honestly? That's the point of an ARC. It ISN'T the final book. If you love the book, buy the final version and keep that. You can do an ARC giveaway on your blog in conjunction with the review you posted.

You can use it as a coaster.

You can send it to your sister in another attempt to get her to start reading the literary banquet that is YA.

You can tear out the pages, start a mini-bonfire, and make s'mores.

But you CANNOT sell the ARC.

I can't stress that enough. The ARC says right on the front that it is a review copy and not for sale. I understand some newer bloggers not really paying attention to that, but what I saw today just made me stabbity. Today, on Ebay, I saw a book store owner selling an ARC. A book store owner knows better. There's simply no excuse.

Why is it so important that an ARC doesn't get sold? Three reasons.

1. This isn't the final copy. There are a few mistakes that need to be corrected before the final version prints. As an author (and a perfectionist), I don't want anything less than my best out there for readers to buy.

2. The author doesn't make a dime from this sale.

3. The author doesn't get credit for the sale. This is perhaps the most disturbing to me. A book store owner essentially selling an ARC "under the table" robs both the author and the publisher of that sale as the person who purchased this book would in all likelihood have purchased a final copy instead. (Especially if you look at how much the book sold for.) Authors need credit for every sale. We need to earn out our contracts with our publishers and prove to them that we're a good business decision. If we can't, we don't get another contract. If you love a book, and you support the idea that authors should get paid for their work, and you want authors to be able to continue to put new stories on the shelves, then you understand that selling an ARC is unethical and just downright wrong.

I don't know what this book seller was thinking. (Other than the profit she just made on a book she never purchased.) Most (if not all) of the book bloggers I know on Twitter would NEVER pull a stunt like this. I don't really think I can extend her the "well maybe she just didn't know" card because a book seller understands how authors get paid, and what happens when an author doesn't get credit for a sale.

But because of this incident, I decided two things. One, I would write a post to make sure everyone who reads my blog understands how the system works. I don't honestly think any of the reviewers and bloggers who frequent my site would ever knowingly hurt an author. And two, I decided to carefully check the list of those requesting ARCs of my book to make sure the woman who did this doesn't receive one.

Awkward FTW!

2011-10-31T08:53:00.000-05:00

Good. This message is going exactly as planned--wait. WAIT. What did I just say? Oh, kill me now.

Instead of my usual Monday morning list, I thought I'd share the transcript of a voice mail message I left a couple of weeks ago. I've altered my phone number with the exception of the last number. Ready? The awkward, I brings it!

"Hi! This is C.J. Redwine returning your call about the photo shoot on Thursday. I'm sorry I'm calling so late, but this is the first chance I've had. It's been one of THOSE days. I mean ... really. Anyway, you can call me back tomorrow at 555-555-1236. I'll be available ... wait. Did I say 6? No. Not six! Never six! Apparently I don't even know my own phone number. AWESOME. It's seven. Seeeeveeeen. 555-1237. Yes. That's the one. Anyway, I'm available. I mean, I'm not AVAILABLE. I'm married. But you don't care! You just want to take my picture. So great. Ok. Talk to you later."

You'll recall, of course, that this is the same photographer that I then flashed ON PURPOSE during the photo shoot. I'm amazed she still answers my emails.

Interview With Jacquelyn Frank

2011-10-27T08:38:00.001-05:00

In the mood for a little sultry paranormal romance? Jacquelyn Frank has you covered! Her Nightwalker series combines sexy supernatural alpha males with feisty human women and delivers danger, intrigue, and hot romance. Haven't tried the Nightwalker series yet? Here's a peek at how it all began:

Since time began, there have been Nightwalkers - the races of the night who live in the shadows of the moonlight. Love with humans is absolutely forbidden, and one man makes certain to uphold this ancient law: Jacob, the Enforcer...For 700 Years, He has resisted temptation. But not tonight...Jacob knows the excuses his people give when the madness overtakes them and they fall prey to their lust for humans. He's heard every one and still brought the trespassers to justice. Immune to forbidden desires, uncontrollable hungers, or the curse of the moon, his control is total...until the moment he sees Isabella on a shadowy New York City street. Saving her life wasn't in his plans. Nor were the overwhelming feelings she arouses in him. But the moment he holds her in his arms, everything changes.

On Tuesday, the sixth book in the Nightwalker series came out. Here's a quick look at ADAM:

Haunted by magic, beset by evil, the Nightwalkers face their darkest hour yet. And when the unthinkable happens, only one legendary male has the power, the will, to save them: Adam.

Jacquelyn chose to take on the Were-llama. I guess spending her days creating supernatural creatures gave her the confidence it takes to face down our resident red-eyed shape shifter. Let's meet today's guests.

The Were-llama

Jacquelyn Frank

Now that you know who's who, it's time to reveal the beautiful cupcake my hubby made in honor of Jacquelyn's book. Adam is a water demon. He controls water, and he can even turn into water, which, you have to admit, is a pretty awesome ability to have. My hubby created a cupcake showing Adam in mid-transformation. Without further ado, let's reveal the cupcake and dive into the interview!

Adam Becoming Water

1. So, you’re a writer. I’m a super-scary shape-shifter who can command obedience with the awesome power of my glowing red eyes. What do we have in common?

I can create legions of super scary shape-shifters who can command obedience with the awesome power of my mind.

2. Legions, you say? *looks over shoulder* I like to spit at my enemies from whichever end is closest to them. Do any of your characters have cool abilities like that?

Not yet, but thanks for the idea. ;)

3. You're welcome. And don't think I'm above calling in that favor. If I had a nickname, it would be The Awesome. You?

The Creative Cat Lady. Some of my fans, however, have dubbed me The Creator.

4. Cat Lady? The awe you inspired in me with the mention of your legions is begin to slip a bit. I hang around this blog because I love stories. What’s your story about? Bonus points if it includes a llama.

This is the sixth book in the NIGHTWALKERS series. ADAM is super secret undercover and under wraps I–could-tell-you-but-I-would-have-to-kill-you story that people have been waiting for for three years. I can definitely say a lot of issues left open will be resolved in this book, and along the way it’s a heck of a rollercoaster ride! Oh, and good sex. No llamas…in this installment. I know, I am ashamed.

5. I fail to see how you can write a good sex scene without a llama. You’re making me a cake worthy of my awesome Were-llama status and decorating it to represent your story. What does it look like?

It’s a picture of all the elements in nature on it. Representing the awesome power of my Demons and their power to manipulate nature.

6. I'd like to see them try to manipulate me. Any Were-llamas in your book?

Not that has been seen. :)

7. We aren't exactly known for our stealth. It's hard to hide this kind of AWESOME. Anyone who might be a Were-llama and you just haven’t figured it out yet?

I suspect my girlfriend Susan. She is tough as nails and can handle anything that life throws at her. Plus, she’s been known to kick a man and spit on him while he’s down.

8. Sounds promising! Llamas or camels and why? Think carefully.

Camels? What are these camels you speak of?

9. Your street cred has now been restored. I give you a baby Were-llama as a companion. What do you name her?

Spittin’ Image

10. Nice. My favorite word is “awesome” because, yanno, look at me. What’s yours?

Douchebag. My other favorite start with F but wasn’t sure I could use it here.

11. Probably wise. Last time I yelled FUNGI! in C.J.'s presence, she refused to give me cake for an entire week. As a young Were-llama, I dreamt of taking over the eastern seaboard one face full of spit at a time. What did you dream of doing when you were young?

When I was young I wanted to be either Wonder Woman or the Bionic Woman. They both kicked ass and were still very sweet women all at the same time.

12. Little known secret: the Bionic Woman was actually a were-llama. Not Wonder Woman, though. A were-llama has too much dignity to ever be caught running around in primary-colored spandex. Cake or cookies?

Cookies…especially my homemade luscious ultra delicious oatmeal raisin craisin cookies.

13. I shall expect a shipment of those to arrive shortly. Do you share chocolate?

Only with those most deserving of it.

14. Which would, of course, be ME. The Zombie Goat invasion is upon us. How will you fight them off?

I will throw sheaves of dead paper before me and they will fall upon it mercilessly. While they are distracted I will pen them up for the Zombie Children’s Petting Zoo. A fate worse than death.

Thank you, Jacquelyn, for such an entertaining interview! I think you had the Were-llama worried about your legions. :) To learn more about Jacquelyn, visit her site. To purchase any books in the Nightwalker series, go here.

Of course, the fun isn't over yet! Jacquelyn is giving away a signed copy of ADAM to one lucky commenter! Please fill out the form below to enter and be sure to leave Jacquelyn a comment after you submit the form. The contest runs until 8 p.m. Central time, Monday October 31st.

Good luck to all and happy reading!

Interview Coming!

2011-10-26T08:30:00.003-05:00

Author interview coming today! Blogger and I had an argument, it ate my cupcake picture, and I have an appointment for the next few hours. BUT, when I return, I will teach Blogger who's boss and you will have your interview!

Trailer Tuesday - Spooky!

2011-10-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

My hubby read and loved this book. It's on my list of books I'll be reading in the near future. Especially after watching this trailer. What do you think?

Imma Bouta Bring It

2011-10-24T10:25:00.001-05:00

1. Okay, I'm going to arm-wrestle Blogger into submission this week and there will be POSTS.

2. Whether you feel like reading them is on you. I'm just saying there will be POSTS if I have to do things to Blogger that are probably illegal in 39 states.

3. Last week as I was driving Starshine somewhere, he started telling me about a song he and a friend are going to sing for the school's talent show. Then he said "And maybe we'll dance too. But I don't know what kind of dance to do."

4. Because I am never short of (probably awful) ideas, I said, "How about the robot?"

5. I demonstrated.

6. While driving.

7. Not the easiest thing to do, but in my defense, I was at a stop light. The only danger to other drivers was an unwanted glimpse of a truly uncoordinated woman trying to do a dance that died two decades ago with a steering wheel in her way.

8. Starshine didn't appreciate my efforts. He said, "We don't want to be robots."

9. I said, "Fine. Then how about the chicken dance?"

10. And I proceeded to try to demonstrate. The seat belt and the steering wheel conspired to make my demonstration slightly difficult to accomplish.

11. Starshine looked at me and said, "Mom, you look like a chicken giving birth. No WAY am I doing that in front of the entire school."

12. Kids. So ungrateful.

13. Last time I waste my awesome Chicken Giving Birth dance skillz on him.

14. Over the weekend, I had to stop at the store with all four kids and no hubby to help me. This isn't always a problem, but the teenager was grumpy, the baby had a coughing fit and spit up on her shirt, and the two younger boys were trying to see how fast they could incur my patented Death Glare.

15. We got through the store, made our purchases, and started walking through the parking lot. Starshine and Daredevil challenged each other to RACE through the FULL parking lot and yelled back at me, "See you at the car!"

16. Not on my watch, kiddos.

17. I yelled "Stop! Running through a full parking lot is a good way to get killed!"

18. They stopped, remained silent for a moment, and then Daredevil looked at Starshine and said, "Well, at least now we know a GOOD way to get killed. And here I thought all ways to die were bad. Who knew?"

19. Smarty pants.

20. Takes after me.

21. In other news, I had my photo shoot this past week for my official author publicity shots.

22. I do not mind telling you I was really nervous about this.

23. Mostly because I don't consider myself photogenic. And because if my license and my Costco card are any indication, I had an excellent chance of looking like an escaped convict hopped up on Red Bull.

24. Turns out how I was going to look on film was the least of my worries.

25. The true danger lay in my inability to remain proper and demur, even in a room full of strangers.

26. Before we started taking pics, the photographer asked me to wear the white blouse I'd brought with me.

27. At this point, I suddenly realized that in my frantic attempts to get out of the house on time, I'd neglected one very important detail.

28. I'd worn my orange bra.

29. And brought a white shirt.

30. Yes, I own an orange bra. And pink, red, blue ... my underwear drawer looks like a bag of Skittles.

31. I digress.

32. At this point, I should tell you the photographer and her assistants were all women. Not that it makes my actions much better, but ... still.

33. I looked at the photographer and said, "Um, can you make sure with lighting or photo shop or something that no one can see my orange bra shining through this white shirt?"

34. She said, "You have an orange bra?"

35. And I said, "Yes."

36. And then, dear reader, I grabbed the neckline of my shirt and PULLED IT DOWN to show her.

37. As my hands were tugging at my shirt, my brain was screaming "NOOOOOO! You're about to be inappropriate! STOP!"

38. But it was too late.

39. The C.J. Without Her Filter ship had already set sail.

40. Fortunately, the photographer thought my bra was pretty, and when I apologized for flashing her ON PURPOSE, she laughed and didn't care.

41. We got along for the rest of the photo shoot, and I'll have pics to share soon.

42. One of the poses I picked is my Imma Bouta Bring It face. That one goes on the blog. ;D

This Week (unless Blogger wants to die):

Tuesday: Spooky book trailer!
Wednesday: Author interview with Jacki Frank
Friday: Help Wanted Ad

Kill Order: Blogger

2011-10-21T08:14:00.000-05:00

C.J.'s Minions know how to get the job done.

I had mighty plans for the blog this past week. A spooky book trailer! A help wanted ad! The Were-llama's first blurb! And none of it happened. Why? Because Blogger thinks it's funny to mess with my mind. Losing scheduled posts. Signing me out without so much as a by-your-leave. And refusing to allow me to leave comments on my own blog.

That last one really makes me mad. I have some FABULOUS commenters on this blog. I'd like to be able to reply! But noooo. Not only is Blogger refusing to let me comment under my own id, it won't even publish my comments if I do so under open ID or anonymous.

Really, Blogger?

Someone told me to delete my cookies and it would work again. I tried that. No dice.

Now I'm going to try something different. I'm going to offer a bounty on Blogger's head.

You read that right.

First person to bring me Blogger, dead or alive, wins a prize.

If you can't actually bring me Blogger, but you know how to fix this situation (The comments are the most concerning. The rest seems to be working properly again), you win a prize!

Want to be my minion? Help me take Blogger out at the knees.

*dangles mysterious prize in front of the comment box*

Melted Butter

2011-10-17T12:19:00.002-05:00

Frankenkitty sadly overestimates the current condition of my brain.

1. It's hard for me to blog when I'm in the middle of drafting. Mostly because all of my creative brain cells are engaged in the novel, and there's not much left over for anything else.

2. Combine drafting brain with three nearly sleepless nights in a row courtesy of a teething toddler and my brain now resembles this:

3. Therefore, you should read at your own risk.

4. I took my teenager to see Abduction last night. The story is YA through and through. I really liked it. So did he.

5. But the real story is what happened before we got to the movie theater.

6. We stopped by a Walgreens next to the theater to pick up some candy. The woman at the cash register looked at our purchase and said "What movie are you going to see?"

7. I said "Abduction."

8. She said "What's that about?"

9. I said "It's about a teenager who discovers his parents really aren't his parents, and then they are killed because someone is after him. Maybe spies or the CIA or something like that. And he has to use all the skills they trained into him to escape."

10. She curled her lip and said "Huh. Sounds ... kind of weird."

11. And here I was thinking it sounded pretty interesting. So I said "Well, it stars Taylor Lautner, so there's always that."

12. She said "Who's Taylor Lautner?"

13. I mean ... really? I'm not a huge Twilight fan, and I know who Taylor is. My hubby knows who Taylor is, too. In fact, the first time we saw a preview for Abduction, my hubby turned to me after the preview ended and said, "Wow! He kept his shirt on for the entire preview!"

14. Because you kind of have to be living in a cave not to be at least a tiny bit familiar with Taylor.

15. But, whatever.

16. As we were walking into the theater, I said something ... I honestly can't remember what ... to my teenager and the ensuing conversation went like this:

Teen: Mom, you know you're weird, right?

Me: No, I'm not. I just see things a little bit differently than most people.

Teen: No one thinks like you do, Mom. No one.

Me: Allow me to introduce you to the INTERNET. I've met a lot of people online who think just like I do.

Teen: That doesn't actually make it better.

17. I hold out hope that one day he'll look back and realize it was kind of cool having a mom who was into zombies and post-apocalyptic stuff, and understood steampunk, and dressed up for Harry Potter movies, and took him to every comic book movie ever made.

18. One day.

19. Until then, I'm going to take my melted butter stick of a brain and go draft DEFIANCE's sequel.

THIS WEEK:

*I post a job listing for a personal assistant. Warning! Must love llamas!
*The Were-llama offers to blurb a book!
*I share a creepy-cool book trailer for one of my hubby's favorite books (It's on my TRB too!).

Chicken of Destiny!

2011-10-10T08:04:00.002-05:00

1. Remember that writer's retreat I went on a couple weeks ago?

2. The one in that gorgeous cabin up in the Smoky Mountains?

3. Well THIS is the picture that literally overlooked my bed.

4. Not that reassuring.

5. We decided to name him Bearward, for obvious reasons.

6. He has fangs.

7. He's watching me while I sleep.

8. And he's in a meadow.

9. All he's missing is some sparkle! We considered going after him with some glitter pens to really let him give Robert Pattinson a run for his vampire money, but decided it wasn't worth the potential "defacing property" fee.

10. The other day, Daredevil yelled to Starshine, "Quick! Come in here! I've got a Chicken of Destiny!"

11. If you google images for "Chicken of Destiny" you get stuff like this:

I am the Chicken of Destiny. You doubt? Come closer and I shall peck the doubt right out of you.

and this

No, I am the Chicken of Destiny. Ever heard of a Were-Chicken? Yeah. That's right. You're looking at her.

and this

Clearly, I am the finest specimen of Chicken you'll ever find. *Insert various inappropriate jokes about nuggets here* You know you want to be my Destiny.

I do not claim to understand Google's reasoning for these search results. I had to change my search parameters to get pics of the true Chicken of Destiny:

Walter, the Chicken of Destiny, during his polka dot phase.

Following in the noble footsteps of his ferocious ancestor:

Wilbur, the original Chicken of Destiny

12. I've now decided all truly great stories should have a Chicken of Destiny somewhere in their depths.

13. I tried to find you an amazing Chicken of Destiny video to cap off the post, but alas. It seems the great Chicken of Destiny is camera shy.

DEFIANCE Ponies!

2011-10-07T10:05:00.000-05:00

I promised you magical ponies, and here they are! Thanks to the always devious Beth Revis for giving me the idea. :) I went to this pony creator (Warning! Time suck!) and made a pony to represent each of the main characters in DEFIANCE.

This is Rachel. She's an impulsive, determined girl who goes after what she wants and doesn't let obstacles stop her from doing what she thinks is right. She wears a copper wrist cuff to block tracking devices, and everyone in my world wears a cloak when they travel. Rachel's cloak is blue because she's loyal to the core.

This is Logan. He's a fiercely smart inventor who is always thinking three steps ahead of everyone else. He's wearing goggles (Yes. Those are goggles. Use your imagination.) because one of his inventions in DEFIANCE requires the use of steampunk-ish goggles. He has a horn because, while he is often underestimated by the villain, he is a warrior disguised as a tech head. :) His cloak is evergreen (Yes. I know it looks like apple green. Again, use your imagination.) because he is faithful and constant.

I might eventually have to make ponies for the entire cast! When I have a spare five hours to burn. :)

DEFIANCE Goodies!

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

Photo courtesy of the talented Brooke Shaden.

The pic isn't my cover, but is an image that reminds me strongly of Rachel, the heroine in DEFIANCE. My cover reveal won't be for a while longer. :)

But I do have some pre-release stuff to discuss. First of all, if you're a book blogger, a reviewer, or a librarian, there is a page at the top of my blog where you can fill out a form to request an ARC of DEFIANCE. Harper Collins has the final say in where they send the ARCs, but I thank you so much for being interested in reading my book. *hands you a cookie*

I'm currently working on putting together a list of ideas for things to use as prizes around my release date. I'm also working on a list of possible swag I might get for book signings. But with this in mind, I'd like to figure out how best to invest my funds. That's where you come in!

If you regularly buy YA books, enter contests for YA books, and/or go to book signings for YA books, would you please answer the following questions for me? *hands you MANY cookies*

1. Do you enter giveaways online? If so, do you only want to win books or do you love to get one of a kind prizes that relate to the book (like jewelry or other swag)?

2. When you go to a book signing, do you care if the author offers swag (stickers or bookmarks)? Or is that something you leave on the table because you'll just lose it or you'll never use it?

Thanks for your help!

Top 12 Reasons Why I Love The UK

2011-10-05T07:30:00.002-05:00

12. Big Ben. I mean really. He's the kind of clock who laughs at other, lesser clocks. Who looks on as digital time-keeping takes the world by storm and says "Yo mama." And gets away with it. Because he's Big Ben.

I'm Big Ben, yo. Recognize.

11. Shakespeare. A rose by any other name would still write some pretty amazing plays. I'd rhapsodize over him a bit, but the show must go on. Besides, if I were to misquote him, I fear he'd demand his pound of flesh.

That's right. I wrote a ton of plays that are still being performed centuries later AND I rocked a lace collar. Because I am one BAAAAAD dude.

10. High Tea. This is a regularly scheduled break in the middle of the afternoon wherein one consumes various items which are terrible for your hips, but do wonders for your mood. What's not to love?

Come on. Just a taste. You know you want to.

9. Scones. A regular feature at the high tea table, and one I enjoy like nothing else. I enjoy a well-made scone so much, I'm overlooking the unfortunate existence of kippers at the English breakfast table.

Yes. I am delicious. And I am not a kipper, which makes me extra delicious.

8. Monty Python. There's nothing on Earth like British humor. I have no idea if the Brits consider MP to be an exemplary example of fine British humor, but I enjoy them very much. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go shout Niii and scare random passers-by because, as I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not dead yet.

Invisible horses! It's all the rage.

7. Castles. Why live in a home when you can have a castle? Okay, fine. I know most Brits don't live in them, but the castles are gorgeous, and I love them with the same kind of fierce passion I reserve for pirates and peach tea.

Look at me, all you lesser, boring, un-turreted homes. The envy, it BURNS.

6. Bond. James Bond. Thank you, England. I'll take him shaken, not stirred.

I don't need a bloody caption. I'm Bond. James Bond.

5. Victorian Gowns. You have to love fashion that rearranges your ribs to give you a tiny waist while simultaneously poofing out your butt as if you'd somehow trapped a small whale beneath your skirts. I frankly adore ballgowns and corsets and a nice top hat on a man. Well done, Victoria. Well done.

We may have sat on some whales, but our dresses are still prettier than anything in your closet.

4. Sherlock Holmes. I've always enjoyed this flawed, narcissistic genius, but when it came to the big screen courtesy of Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law, I moved from enjoyment to flat out fangirl.

Yes. I am brilliant. Shall we bask in that realization for a moment?

3. Tower of London. You have to love a country who locks criminals in a tower. Even though I adore towers (see Castle love above), I will probably mind my Ps and Qs while I'm in London. I don't actually think they lock mouthy Americans in the tower, but I don't feel like tempting them to break that tradition.

NOT C.J.'s future home.

2. Harry Potter. If none of the above existed, I would still love the UK for this series alone. Because I cannot write a paragraph documenting my deep love for the HP books without it turning into an essay, I will simply readjust the Sorting Hat that I'm currently wearing, dust off my potion bottles (Mandrake, Felix Felicitas, & Polyjuice), and move on.

Bring it, Voldemort.

1. Atom Books. And the #1 reason why I love the UK is this: Atom Books, an imprint of Little Brown, UK, bought the DEFIANCE trilogy!!! I am thrilled to be working with the talented team at Atom, and can't wait to hold my UK version in my hands!

We rock your socks off.

Slackerpants Begone!

2011-10-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

1. I was a complete slackerpants on this blog last week.

2. Mostly because I was finishing my last round of line edits on DEFIANCE and suffering from post-writing-retreat-brain-deadness. Yes, that is totally a thing. Look it up.

3. I vow not to be such a lame blogger this week. As proof, I offer you the above picture.

4. You're welcome.

5. I am sort of the master of finding strange and amusing things online. It's a talent. I often share those things with Jodi Meadows.

6. She is grateful.

7. I don't care what she tells you, SHE IS GRATEFUL.

8. Here's something I shared with her yesterday. I think maybe I will need to write an emasculator into one of my books:

9. You're welcome again.

10. Baby J has been up to a few antics recently.

11. The other day, she got into the pantry, grabbed a new bottle of vanilla extract, and dumped it all over the floor.

12. Thankfully, we have hardwood floors. But still, the SMELL.

13. A little later, she tried to put a pair of boots on (My daughter loves shoes ... I wonder where she gets that?), but they were too small. Clint explained to her that the shoes were too small and that we had to go to the store to get a new pair.

14. Baby J then walked over to the table, grabbed Clint's wallet, handed it to him and said "Bye bye."

15. =D

16. You'll notice that I described both of the above actions as "antics."

17. My definition of "antics" used to be much, much broader.

18. When the boys were little, my definition of "antics" included using the product of bodily functions for unauthorized art projects, running naked through the neighborhood, pouring honey onto my carpet, and lighting things on fire.

19. Girls are SO different from boys.

20. Later this week, I will bring you PONIES. Magical PONIES. Magical PONIES I created to represent the main characters in DEFIANCE.

21. You know you want that.

A Llama/Squirrel Alliance?

2011-09-30T10:33:00.000-05:00

Today's blog is brought to you by Shawna Thomas. Her book, ALTERED DESTINY, was just released from Carina Press.

Writing a blog hurts my brain. No, it really does. I'm not one of those naturally outgoing,effervescent people who can talk to anyone about anything. Writing a blog post, especially a guest blog post, is like hosting a party. Now I love to bake, organize and decorate. I'll even serve with a happy heart, but getting the conversations going?

So not me.

So guest blogging on CJ's blog is like hosting a party for Ivana Trump's friends. You know, they're kinda used to the best. So, just now, I sat down to write this post and I told myself. Okay, Shawna. Be clever. Be witty. Be charming.

And my brain started to hurt.

My life is kinda boring: Work, kids, write, husband, kids, clean, cook, repeat. Sometimes I even sleep.

So what do I write about? Hum dee dee...There was this squirrel war I witnessed while walking home from school the other day.

That was interesting.

Those squirrels were going at it. Sounded like a legion of squirrels: branches swaying, leaves drifting to the ground, and screeches of enraged squirrels. I walked quickly through the war zone, dodging stray bits of debris and hoping the loser didn't get thrown from the tree and wind up on my head

(Would you like a defeated squirrel to fall on you? Didn't think so.)

That reminds me of the stare down I got from a squirrel at the zoo a few months back. A squirrel sat in the middle of a section of heavily treed path, just daring me to try and pass. This squirrel was not budging. In fact, every time I thought about stepping forward, it moved closer, staring at me with these mean, beady eyes. You may think it cowardly, but those suckers are fast, I chose another route. That squirrel meant business.

This talk of squirrels reminds me of CJ and her llamas--don't ask me why, my brain is not linear on its best day.

What if the squirrels joined the llamas? The llamas would have an aerial advantage. It wouldn't be pretty, folks.

Not pretty at all.

So before CJ's llamas get irritated at my suggestion they need allies, or decide it's a good idea, let tell you why I'm here. Carina Press just released my new book, ALTERED DESTINY--in which there are no llamas, or squirrels for that matter. There is Jaden--a drop-dead gorgeous Svistra, and Selia--one of my favorite heroines ever, who fall in love despite forces attempting to tear them apart. ALTERED DESTINY is a fantasy novel that tends to lean toward YA and will make lovers of romance happy.

I promise.

Here's a look at ALTERED DESTINY:

Selia has run her family's tavern since she was fifteen and can hunt and fight the equal of any man. When she rescues a badly wounded man and nurses him back to health, she has no idea she's about to change not only her life, but also the destinies of two peoples...

The battered warrior is Svistra—a race of bloodthirsty savages determined to destroy her homeland. Or so the stories claim. Jaden reveals a different truth: how his ancestors were driven into the barren northern mountains. Now they are strong and war parties are pushing south wanting their land back.

The son of a Svistra Commander, Jaden is looking for a way to bring peace to both humans and Svistrans. He tries to ignore his growing passion for Selia, but when she is captured he has to decide what he would be willing to sacrifice to save the woman he loves.

Thank you, Shawna! *shudders at the thought of a squirrel/llama alliance* To learn more about Shawna, visit her website or her blog. To learn more about ALTERED DESTINY, go here or here.

Happy reading!

Taking Risks

2011-09-23T08:00:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about risks. Being an artist comes with risk, whether you're a writer or your art takes a different form. You risk rejection. You risk displeasure. You risk success. You risk missing the heart of your vision. You risk hitting the heart of your vision, and then having to send it out to others who don't look at things through your eyes.

Risk is a terrifying thing.

It's also the heartblood of great art.

Is it risky to sit down and put words to a page? Put brush to canvas? Put yourself into the next role you play on stage? Yes. But riskier still, and far more rewarding, is pushing yourself beyond the conventions of your art. Leaving behind the steady lines you've been coloring inside because that's what others are doing, so that must be your path too. Looking that huge, awesome, completely terrifying idea straight in the face and saying "Bring it."

Those are the risks that blaze paths.

Those are the moments that lead to greatness.

To get to those moments, you may need to color in the lines for a little while. Just until the lines start to feel constricting. Until you are not just curious to see what it looks like to break the rules, but you feel a burning need to smash them to pieces and rebuild them your way.

To get to those moments, you need to be honest. You can't take another's lens and put it over your vision. You have to take all the little pieces that make up the sum total of your life experience and be heartbreakingly, jaw-droppingly, stun-others-into-silence honest. Because the moment truth leaks into your art, greatness follows.

So, when you're flirting with your next project, and you have the safe, tame, I've-done-this-so-I-know-I-can-repeat-it idea side by side with the holy-crap-this-might-kill-me-and-what-if-I-don't-have-the-chops-to-do-it-justice idea?

Choose truth.

Choose to draw your own lines, wear your own lens, and plumb your depths to see what you're truly capable of doing.

Choose risk.

An Illustration

2011-09-21T08:00:00.001-05:00

This is my brain.

This is my brain on cookies.

Any questions?

Writing Projects Galore!

2011-09-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since I posted any sort of writing project update. Mostly because I've been super busy writing. =D But there's a lot going on, so here's the scoop:

1. DEFIANCE: I've finished 3 rounds of edits and would happily make out with the manuscript in public given half the chance. I'm very proud of it. It is truly the best I'm capable of doing. I have copy edits next, and then page proofs, and then *cue stomach flip* ARCs go out to reviewers. Oh, and I'll be getting my cover fairly soon, though I don't know how soon they'll let me share it.

2. Synopsis Workshop Handouts: I've revamped my synopsis workshop handouts so that they will effectively answer all pressing questions and break down the entire process into small, manageable steps. It's like having a pro guide you carefully through the process, helping you keep your sanity and turn out an amazing synopsis at the same time. The handout packet is now for sale on my workshop website and arrives as a Word.doc attachment. The workshop itself was $70 (back when I still had time to offer it), and I'm selling the comprehensive handouts for $25.

3. Query Writing Handbook: I've finished the first draft of my upcoming Query Writing Handbook, and I'm excited to be able to offer it for purchase soon! It's as thorough as I could possibly get without sitting right beside you myself every step of the way. Covering everything from what a query is, how to find a good agent, how to write a hook, what to ask an agent who is offering representation and much, MUCH more, this truly is everything I know about query writing all in one tidy little package. Release date will be announced soon!

4. Novella: I'm currently writing the story of two of DEFIANCE's secondary characters. I have plans to make the novella available between books 1 and 2 of the trilogy. More info on this will be forthcoming once I have it. But I think maybe I broke some kind of novella record by killing ten people in the first chapter. Is there a prize for that? Medication? Wonderful. I'll take it.

5. Book Two: I actually have a working title for this, but until I have the go-ahead from my editor, I'll be calling this book IN WHICH EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. It's kind of catchy. This book is mostly plotted out (and I'll solidify that this weekend at my writer's retreat), and I'll be starting it as soon as I finish the novella.

6. Research: As other writers know, even though you're working on one project, several others are always clamoring for attention in your brain. Right now, I have two other YA series vying for my attention, so I'm doing the research and creating files that I can open when I'm ready to dive into the actual writing. Between these two projects and the DEFIANCE trilogy, I've researched all of the following: robotics, corsets, Manga, knives, homemade batteries, cons, Chinese flowers, Los Angeles, water myths, Jack the Ripper, and tree houses. My brain is a strange and wonderful place sometimes. :)

7. Casting Stones: After I finish writing Book 2, I'll be turning my attention to the Casting Stone series, which is the adult series I'll be publishing in 2013. The best description for this series is Supernatural meets I Love Lucy. Book 1 is finished and will be edited, and then I'll write Book 2. I have plans to publish both in spring and summer of 2013.

Well. I don't know about you, but I think that's PLENTY to have on my plate at the moment. :) Look for a release date for both DEFIANCE and the Query Writing Handbook soon!

PWNED!

2011-09-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

Ninja kitten is coming at you like a G6!

1. I laughed so hard at the above pic, I nearly compromised my ability to fully control my bladder.

2. Sometimes, I think I'm the weirdest person I know.

3. But someone else always comes along and disabuses me of that notion.

4. Not YOU, of course. Never you.

5. But probably the person sitting on your right.

6. At this point, I should probably make a graceful transition like "Speaking of sitting on your right" to segue into my next bit, but ... that isn't going to happen.

7. In my ongoing quest to become the Girl Who Has Snorted The Worst Collection Of Unlikely Items (Heck, YES, there's an award for that. Isn't there? NO?? Well, someone better get right ON that situation because I am earning this.), I've abused my sinuses with chunks of bread pudding (note: raisins burn), chicken nugget (just say no to clucky), diet Coke (the new sinus douche), and most recently cinnamon gum (feeeeeel the burn) and water from an over-achiever of a dental hygienist's hose.

8. All rather stellar evidence that I deserve the (as yet invented) award, yes? So, what could possibly be incredibly awkward enough to take a spot among these hallowed few?

9. A tortilla chip.

10. In mid-flight.

11. Now, lest you think I have a honker the size of a small country (thereby accommodating an entire chip), I must clarify: it was just the tip of the chip.

12. How did a chip tip fly into my nose?

13. I really have no explanation. I wish I did. I think when I was born and the fairies were handing out gifts, Malificent was absent and Murphy's Law stood in her place.

14. The situation is simple. I was eating chips and salsa. I took a bite of tortilla chip. And somehow the velocity and trajectory of my bite combined with the momentum of ... something ... caused the non-bitten portion of the chip to FLY OUT OF MY HAND AND STRAIGHT UP MY NOSE.

15. You will immediately note that this defies the laws of gravity.

16. And probably violates any number of other interesting laws of physics.

17. It's like my nostrils decided, "Hey! We haven't had any real action since the chewing gum incident in February. Let's form a committee and rectify the situation."

18. And then my nostrils became a tractor beam for shards of tortilla chips.

19. I cannot be the only person to whom that has happened.

20. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I am the weirdest person you know.

21. Because you have the good sense to swallow your food and have it go DOWN instead of UP.

22. Well, good for you, you boring conformist. But when they start handing out awards for the Girl Who Has Snorted The Worst Collection of Unlikely Items, where will you be??

23. Award-less, that's where.

24. And lest it be said that I am not an equal opportunity body-part-meet-unlikely-food-item offender, I was drinking tea the other night, and the tea bag was still in the mug.

25. Because while I can plot a trilogy with intricate sub plots and nuanced character arcs, I apparently cannot remember to take the tea bag out of the mug when it's finished steeping. Instead, I just sort of pin it to the side of the mug and drink around it.

26. Except for the time last week when I forgot to pin it to the side of the mug.

27. I tipped the mug up, took a swallow of hot tea, and got a smooshy hot tea bag straight to the eye.

28. Which leads me right to the last item on my list.

29. EYES.

30. I believe my readers are well aware of the good-natured animosity that exists between my eye Dr and me.

31. Mostly because eye stuff is SO GROSS and he thinks it's funny to show me pictures of eye fungus and roll my eyelid up with a stick.

32. I had an exam this last week. And he didn't show me nasty pictures. Mostly because I closed my eyes and told him his indecent enthusiasm for the various stages of WHATEVER he wanted to show me was wrong on every level.

33. He also didn't try to roll my eyelid up with a stick, though he did tell me he'd had an old lady in that day with grass in her eye and he'd been unable to roll her eye up with a stick because her eyelid skin was so thin and crinkly he couldn't get a grip.

34. I gag at the thought of other people rubbing their own eyes too long.

35. I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW about old lady eyelids.

36. I informed my Dr of this fact. He thought I was funny.

37. But he got the last laugh. Oh, yes.

38. At the end of the appointment, he acknowledged that my prescription had changed and went to find a new pair of contacts for me to try.

39. When he returned, I put them in and the entire world just ... disappeared.

40. Gone.

41. Poof.

42. Nothing but a faint swirl of shapeless colors.

43. I said, "Lucy, you've got some splainin to do."

44. He told me it would take a minute for my eyes to relax and adjust to the new prescription.

45. I told him I couldn't see a single thing. Not. One. Thing.

46. He asked if maybe I'd put the contacts in inside out.

47. I hadn't. And at this point, I was beginning to feel seriously nauseous.

48. I informed him of this. Along with the salient fact that as there was no way I could SEE the trashcan, I was just going to vomit at will if he didn't fix the situation.

49. He laughed.

50. And I said, "I may be blind, but I can still track you by the sound of your voice and kill you dead."

51. Then he looked at the box of contacts, was silent for a long time, and then said "Um. Take them out. This is the wrong prescription."

52. No, really?

53. I took them out. He gave me the right prescription. And then showed me that my prescription is a +4.35 and he'd accidentally given me a pair of -4.35.

54. Who needs his eye rolled up with a stick NOW??

55. I am never going to let him live this down.

Winner of CLAIRE DE LUNE and NOCTURNE

2011-09-13T23:00:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for a signed set of Christine Johnson's books! (And thank you Christine for such a fun guest blog post!) As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is:

Amanda

Congratulations, Amanda! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Happy reading!

Winner of THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS

2011-09-12T23:08:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who entered to win Rae Carson's THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS. As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is

grlinthestacks

Congratulations! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Enjoy reading your new book!

Winner of POSSESS!

2011-09-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for Gretchen McNeil's POSSESS! As always, I used random.org to pick the winner. And the lucky winner is

Jessi Knite

Congratulations, Jessi! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Enjoy your book!

Zombie Body Parts For The Win!

2011-09-12T08:06:00.004-05:00

1. As you can see from the pic above, Johanna is pretty territorial about her milk.

2. Either that, or she's demanding cookies.

3. It's been a while since I did a list.

4. Mostly because I had some awesome giveaways to post last week! Today is the last day to enter the giveaway for Rae Carson's GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS and Gretchen McNeil's POSSESS so don't miss out on a chance to win these fabulous books!

5. Starshine has decided to write a book. He asked me what he needed to do before starting, and we discussed building characters and thinking through major plot points.

6. He now has a notepad and is filling it with facts about his main characters. It's fun to see his eyes light up as he comes to tell me "Hey, Mom. I just figured out this character is afraid of rodents!" or "This character was in foster care." because I understand completely how the little pieces that make up a character slowly find their way into your brain and become a fascinating discovery every time.

7. Speaking of which, the main character in the next trilogy I plan to write is now sitting up and making herself known with all the finesse and subtlety of a megaphone.

8. So ... I'm now researching her and working on the world-building details of that trilogy on the side even as I finish polishing up DEFIANCE and get ready to write book two.

9. Some things I've researched lately (either for DEFIANCE or for the new project): homemade batteries, Manga, robotics, grenades, pheremones, and Hello Kitty.

10. My brain is a really strange place to live in sometimes.

11. I'm off the to eye dr this afternoon.

12. You'll recall that the second to last time I saw him, he dyed my eye the color of cow urine right before I was going to meet my agent for the first time.

13. And the last time I saw him, he rolled my eyelid up with a stick whereupon I promptly gagged and reflexively kicked him in the never-you-mind.

14. So, today should be interesting.

15. I'm coming in armed with attitude.

16. I'm pretty sure he'll be wearing catcher's gear.

17. I've decided my lawn is boring.

18. It's nothing but grass and the occasional tree.

19. As I have zero aptitude for growing things (and indeed have steadily decreased the number of shrubs around our house either by lack of care or pitting them in a cage match with the lawnmower in which they showed a regrettable lack of ambition and fortitude), I'm thinking I need lawn art instead.

20. Maybe a lawn gnome.

21. Who is guarding a patch of zombie limbs climbing out of the grass.

22. And a giant metal llama standing near our driveway as if to say both "Hello" and "I Shall Spit Upon You If You Are Selling Something."

23. So far, my hubby is sold on the zombie limbs, but nothing else.

24. I'm also thinking I will plant plastic flowers. It will add color. I won't have to worry about bees. And no amount of neglect will kill them.

25. These are the thoughts that take precedence in my head when I stop plotting stories.

26. *goes back to plotting stories*

Idea Mosquitos

2011-09-09T08:15:00.000-05:00

Today's post is brought to you by the lovely and talented Christine Johnson. Be sure to read through to the end to find out a) how Christine comes up with her amazing ideas and b) how you can win a set of signed books!

One of the questions I get asked most often is “Where do you get your ideas?” or “Where did you get the idea for CLAIRE DE LUNE/NOCTURNE/THE GATHERING DARK/INSERT NEW IDEA HERE.” I usually come up with some sort of answer, but here’s the real one. Finally. And then I may not answer this question ever again.

I DON’T FREAKING KNOW. I don’t *know* where the ideas come from. This is just the way I am. It’s the way my brain works. There are a thousand ideas in my head all the time. And it’s not like being in a floaty beautiful cloud of butterflies that turn the grey, bleak world into a living stained glass window. It’s much more like living with a constant halo of mosquitos who are so distracting and annoying that I miss my exit on the Interstate or forget to buy apple juice (again.) Once in awhile, one of those mosquitos stands out from the crowd and becomes so persistently infuriating that it simply MUST BE SQUASHED. Writing a novel or a story is how those idea mosquitos get the smack down.

This makes the whole process sound miserable. I understand that. But it’s not. Having the ideas can be sort of miserable, because the rest of the world tends not to understand why you’re so crazy or what could possibly be so interesting about that long-since boarded up building that suddenly has one open window on the second floor. I actually saw this on my way to the coffee shop where I write this morning. I stopped to take a picture and let the new idea-mosquitos get comfy in my head. At least two people looked at me like I had LOST MY MIND in the ten seconds this whole process took.

So, yes. The ideas, they are crazy-making.

But you know that feeling you get when you squish a mosquito? That hot-DAMN-I-got-you rush? And you know how, when you lift your hand and there’s no blood, so you know you got it before it got you which means you REALLY won and not just in a Pyrrhic way? Writing out an idea is like that. In slow-mo, obviously, since a novel generally takes months to draft. That rush is awesome. It’s not a miserable process.

I don’t think it’s a matter of needing ideas because I’m a writer. For me (and, to be fair, for a lot of other writers I know,) it’s mostly a matter of needing to write because of the ideas.

So the question of “where’d it come from?” Yeah. I’m just wired this way. Which is why I do what I do. It’s like asking an accountant why the numbers make sense to them. They’re going to look at you like you’ve grown an extra head. Or maybe they’d just count your heads and make a new entry in their spreadsheet. (Dude. Mosquitos. I wrote that and then immediately wondered what would happen if you dropped a really tightly-wound accountant into a zombie apocalypse. Only that doesn’t really require counting. What’s hard to count? Angels on the head of a pin. Hmmm. So if he made a deal with the Devil and then he had to count *that* . . . DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING? THIS IS JUST THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS.)

I genuinely don’t know if you can train yourself to be this way - it’s how I’ve always been. Maybe you can spend more time staring at clouds or imagining what might be on the other side of water-warped basement doors. Maybe you can practice it.

The idea mosquitos also like caffeine. If all else fails and you’re out of ideas, I’d drink a quad espresso and go sit in an abandoned house for awhile. If nothing else, it’ll make a good story, right?

Hey! What if someone did go drink coffee and sit in an abandoned house? What if they were waiting for someone? Like a secret meeting? And ooooh - what if the wrong person showed up? *THWAP* Idea mosquito. Dead.

GIVEAWAY!

Christine is offering a signed set of CLAIRE DE LUNE and NOCTURNE to one lucky commenter! The giveaway is for North America only and is open until 8 p.m. Tuesday, September 13th. Please make sure to leave your email in the comment trail if I can't immediately find it by clicking on your profile, and check back Wednesday to see the winner's name announced!

Good luck and happy reading!

Interview with Rae Carson

2011-09-07T10:36:00.001-05:00

I met Rae last year when she signed with Holly. I have a soft spot in my heart for all of my agent-mates, but when I heard about Rae's book, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it--for reasons that had nothing to do with our agent and everything to do with how amazing GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS really is. From the vivid, compelling world, to the captivating story of one girl's struggle to rise to the greatness everyone expects from her, this is a book you don't want to miss! Here's a peek:

Once a century, one person is chosen for greatness.

Elisa is the chosen one.

But she is also the younger of two princesses, the one who has never done anything remarkable. She can’t see how she ever will.

Now, on her sixteenth birthday, she has become the secret wife of a handsome and worldly king—a king whose country is in turmoil. A king who needs the chosen one, not a failure of a princess.

And he’s not the only one who seeks her. Savage enemies seething with dark magic are hunting her. A daring, determined revolutionary thinks she could be his people’s savior. And he looks at her in a way that no man has ever looked at her before. Soon it is not just her life, but her very heart that is at stake.

Elisa could be everything to those who need her most. If the prophecy is fulfilled. If she finds the power deep within herself. If she doesn’t die young.

Most of the chosen do.

GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS is the first in a trilogy, and I can't wait to see how the story ends! Rae decided she wanted to take on the Were-llama (brave girl!). Let's meet today's guests.

Were-llama

Rae Carson

Now that you know who's who, it's time to reveal the beautiful cupcake my hubby made in honor of GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS and dive into the interview. Elisa has a godstone in her belly button, a magical blue gem that is a symbol of her destiny. Also, much of the book takes place in the desert. My hubby decided to make the godstone and set it on a bed of sand. Without further ado, I give you the cupcake and Rae vs. the Were-llama.

1. So, you’re a writer. I’m a super-scary shape-shifter who can command obedience with the awesome power of my glowing red eyes. What do we have in common?

Hey, I have glowing red eyes, too! But mine are due to late nights staring at a computer screen.

2. I think you missed the salient point of my statement. I can COMMAND OBEDIENCE. What's the point of having glowing red eyes if you can't do that? I like to spit at my enemies from whichever end is closest to them. Do any of your characters have cool abilities like that?

Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats butt-spitting. But my main character, Elisa, has a Godstone, which is a magical jewel, lodged in her belly button. There may or may not be magical spitting from said magical jewel. You’ll have to read to find out.

3. I will grudgingly admit that belly-button spitting is almost as awesome as butt-spitting. Almost. If I had a nickname, it would be The Awesome. You?

The Bluntifier. I have the ability to paralyze people with the power of my socially inappropriate frankness.

4. If you had the power to command obedience with your glowing red eyes, you'd have them paralyzed long before that. I hang around this blog because I love stories. What’s your story about? Bonus points if it includes a llama.

Chosen for an extraordinary--and fearsome--destiny, a sixteen-year-old llama princess becomes the heart of a revolution.

5. Finally! A story that shows true literary genius. You’re making me a cake worthy of my awesome Were-llama status and decorating it to represent your story. What does it look like?

It is sinfully chocolate, with butterscotch frosting shaped into a landscape of sweeping desert dunes to represent your savage beauty.

6. *licks the last of chocolate cake and butterscotch frosting from face* I hope you weren't hoping I'd share. Any Were-llamas in your book?

There is an army of Were-llamas, though they’re disguised as tribal mountain people. Come to think of it, I never actually mention the word “Were-llama” in the book. A technicality. You and I both know that mighty Were-llamas come in many guises.

7. Indeed we do. In fact, I could be standing behind you right now disguised as ... as whatever is behind you right now. Anyone who might be a Were-llama and you just haven’t figured it out yet?

I think Lord Hector of the Royal Guard might be a Were-llama. It would explain his utter awesomeness.

8. Only a true were-llama can claim the descriptor "utter awesomeness." Llamas or camels and why? Think carefully.

My story takes place in a desert, and there are lots of camels. So I have to take a stand and say CAMELS ARE RAD.

Think about it. They can chew thorns. They can survive long distances with very little water. They have bonafide, certified, Fergie-approved HUMPS. And have you ever heard the phrase “Llama-toe?” No, you have not. Case? Rested.

9. *glares with glowing red eyes* Careful! Or I shall rest YOU six feet below the ground. Besides, it's not like the phrase "camel-toe" is a compliment. I give you a baby Were-llama as a companion. What do you name her?

Princess C.J.

10. How appropriate. My favorite word is “awesome” because, yanno, look at me. What’s yours?

Viscosity. It’s a word every Were-llama worth her spit is fond of.

11. I am the Queen of Viscosity. Want proof? Keep singing the camel's praises. *readies a load of spit* As a young Were-llama, I dreamt of taking over the eastern seaboard one face full of spit at a time. What did you dream of doing when you were young?

I dreamt of discovering I was adopted and that my birth parents, who were royalty and wealthy beyond imagining, had hidden me away to learn how commoners lived so I would better appreciate my eventual existence of fame and fortune. Also, dating Luke Skywalker.

12. Who, incidentally, is half were-llama. His father, of course, is ALL were-llama. Cake or cookies?

Cookies. Lots of cookies. A mountain of cookies. Unless they’re hard and crunchy. I would take cake over a crunchy cookie any day.

13. Do you share chocolate?

Yes, of course! And by “yes” I mean “no.”

14. Oh, you'll share it with ME. *aims glowing red eyes your way and commands obedience* The Zombie Goat invasion is upon us. How will you fight them off?

Llamas may be the lesser cousins of camels, but no one doubts their bravery. For this reason, they will be the front line of the Zombie-Goat-Defeating Army of Even-Toed Ungulates. Camels will make up the second defensive wave, and I promise you, they will weep as they step over the broken bodies of their comrades.

Thank you, Rae, for the fabulous interview! To learn more about Rae and her books, head to her site. Of course, the funny isn't over yet. Rae is offering a signed copy of GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS to one lucky commenter. The giveaway is open to North America and will be open until 8 pm Central Time Monday, September 12th. To enter, fill out the following entry form. Be sure to leave a comment for Rae in the blogger comment box below the entry form so she can see it!

Good luck and happy reading!

Interview with Gretchen McNeil

2011-09-07T08:39:00.000-05:00

I met Gretchen McNeil after I signed with Harper Collins because she and I share an editor. (Shout out to the amazing, insightful, hilarious Kristin Daly Rens!) Kristin sent me a "Welcome to Balzer + Bray" box of books. Included in that box was an ARC of Gretchen's POSSESS. I read the synopsis for the book and immediately snatched it up to read! POSSESS is intense and atmospheric. It's set in San Francisco, and I appreciated how vivid and real it felt. Also, I don't mind telling you there is a scene in this book that disturbed me so much, I have no idea how I'll ever face going into a doll shop again. Here's a look at POSSESS:

See what I mean? When I asked Gretchen if she'd like to come on the blog, she immediately decided to take on the Spork of Doom. (I guess when you write about freaky demons and nasty conspiracies, a megalomaniac eating utensil doesn't seem quite so scary.) Let's meet today's guests.

Spork of Doom

Gretchen McNeil

Now that you know who's who, it's time to reveal the uber freaky cupcake my hubby made in honor of Gretchen's book. Usually, I ask my authors for a few different cupcake ideas and let my hubby choose the one he'd like to do. But in this case, there was only one option: a possessed doll. *cue recurring nightmare* My hubby was more than up to the task! Without further ado, I give you the possessed doll cupcake and Gretchen vs. the Spork of Doom.

Take me home with you, little girl. I'll be a goooooood doll. I promise.

1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Why would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?

Like you, I’m a multi-tasker. You can scoop up some yogurt AND stab a tater tot. I can load a shotgun AND shoot down a government helicopter with a grenade launcher. (Um…theoretically…) Win-win.

2. A grenade launcher might come in handy. *bestows Minion Status on you* Being a Spork of Doom takes moxie. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

I’d have to say the ballsiest (also, least practical) thing I’ve done is major in vocal performance in college. While it didn’t exactly get me on stage at the Metropolitan Opera, it did teach me a lot about telling a damn good story. Although it did give me the opportunity to sing with the circus, which is like the Met, only scarier.

Also, my mom wanted me to be a doctor so…that didn’t happen.

3. A circus performer who can handle a grenade launcher? *gives you the Spork Eye* Are you sure you aren't trying to unseat me from my rightful throne? When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

I love pie. I really, really do. Favorite has got to be Grasshopper pie with an Oreo crust. What’s not to love? It’s minty. It’s chocolatey. It’s a shade of green you couldn’t find in nature.

4. I find your offering to be acceptable. What’s your favorite thing to do with a spork?

Sporks make excellent catapults. Just saying.

5. Just as long as you don't plan to use ME to launch your grenades. If you do, I will see your vocal performance degree and raise you three titanium tines of DOOM. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

Aside from my previously mentioned guerrilla warfare prowess, I’m simultaneously a writer of scary stuff, singer of scary opera, and clowner of scary…clowns.

6. Perhaps you can write a scary opera befitting my incredible rise to power. Just don't sing it while dressed as a clown. I hate having to spork my minions. In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on
world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

“Gretchen McNeil: Girl Friday.” I think that sums up my multi-facetedness. It also reminds me of the movie His Girl Friday with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. Damn, I love that film.

7. If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

Well, at least you’re taller than Napoleon.

I’d go with Dorothy Parker. Never before as a woman been so regarded for her wit. And me? Never before has a woman so desperately wanted to be regarded for her wit.

8. Can you annihilate a pack of mutinous rebels with your wit? If not, I don't see the value. Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

Two words: circus clowns. (Did I mention I sing in the circus? Yes? Just checking.)

9. In between conquests, I like to read a good story. What can you recommend and why?

Just finished WITCH EYES by Scott Tracey and just started WILDEFIRE by Karsten Knight. Highly recommend them both. Also, because I’m a nerd like this, my favorite book of all time is THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS by John Buchan. I love to recommend it.

10. I wonder if that's thirty-nine steps to total world domination? Because I can totally do it in thirty-eight. I'm just saying. You need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

Could the cloak be form-fitting? No? Damn. Okay, no cloak then. I really need something that cinches at the waist, and besides, what kind of shoes does one WEAR with a cloak?

11. Combat boots! All the better to crush your opposition. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

Embrace your inner spazz.

I would have been so much happier if I’d learned that lesson at 18 instead of…yesterday.

Thank you, Gretchen, for such an entertaining interview! To find out more about Gretchen and her book, visit her (incredibly awesome) site. Of course, the fun isn't over yet! Gretchen is offering a signed copy of POSSESS to one lucky commenter. The giveaway is open to North America and is open until 8 p.m. Central Time Monday, September 12th. To enter, simply fill out the entry form. And don't forget to leave Gretchen a comment in the Blogger comments section!

Good luck and happy reading!

Winner of the Lisa Mantchev Giveaway!

2011-09-02T07:29:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for a signed copy of Lisa Mantchev's EYES LIKE STARS and PERCHANCE TO DREAM plus some fun book swag! As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is:

Lesli Lytle

Congratulations, Lesli! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Enjoy your books!

If you didn't win this time, don't worry. I have three amazing authors lined up for September with plenty of chances to win awesome books!

Look! She's Aliiiiiiiiiiive!

2011-08-31T10:12:00.000-05:00

Whew! It's been a week since I blogged. Crickets were about to set up residence. Readers were lining up and it sounded a little something like this:

BUT, it turns out, I was this:

Why was I mostly dead? Because I was up to my eyeballs in my second round of edits on DEFIANCE. I turned them in on Friday, and then spent the next few days stuffing my brains back into my head. The entire process looked something like this:

Yes. I have a plan. The words are flowing. I know what I'm doing! Due Friday morning, you say? No problem!

Who told this scene to misbehave? Wait...WHO TOLD THIS ENTIRE MANUSCRIPT TO MISBEHAVE?

It's okay. IT'S OKAY. My plot isn't broken. My pacing isn't broken either. If I just twist this piece and tug on that line and move THIS ... and then pray for a small miracle ...

Rome is burning. ROME IS BURNING!

Alright. So I burned down *#$%ing Rome. That will just have to be my new plot crisis. Anyone who doesn't like it can burn too.

Thursday night. Arcs. Plot twists. Veeeeerrrrrrbbbbbs. I don't think I remember what a verb is anymore. Is that a problem? I hope that's not a problem.

*cue hysterical laughter for no apparent reason*

Hey! Rome didn't burn! All the pieces miraculously fit! I turned it in on time and I DID NOT DIE!

Shh. My brain is dead.

Accurate post-edit face. For four days. Maybe five.

And that is why I haven't blogged in a week. *wanders off yelling BRAAAAAAIIIIINNNNZZZZZ!*

Interview With Lisa Mantchev

2011-08-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

I've been a loyal Lisa Mantchev fan since I met her on Twitter two years ago, a few months before her first book, EYES LIKE STARS, came out. I was fortunate enough to get an advanced copy of ELS, and I was WOWED. Smart, original, vivid, compelling, and addictive! Then, PERCHANCE TO DREAM came out, and I was thrown for a loop. I'd thought I was staunchly Team Nate, but ... PTD made me wonder if maybe I was really Team Ariel. Or both! Can I please have both?

So now, as the final book in the trilogy is released, I thought I'd have Lisa on the blog to introduce these fabulous books to my readers. (I won't tell you which team I finally decided to support! You'll have to read and decide for yourself!) Here's a sneak peek at SO SILVER BRIGHT:

Things are never easy for Beatrice Shakespeare Smith. Something's happened to the Théâtre Illuminata, putting the only home she's ever known in limbo. Her mother's sanity is fraying under the strain, her father has vanished and an angry goddess is out for revenge. Bertie is caught between her duties and her dreams, just as her heart is torn between Ariel and Nate. But hope glimmers in a Distant Castle, and if Bertie can put on the performance of her life, maybe she can win the magical boon that may save them all.

Lisa decided to be interviewed by the Spork of Doom. Considering how easily she handled Captain Jack last year, I think the Spork should be worried.

Spork of Doom

Lisa Mantchev

Now that you know who's who, it's time to reveal the cupcake of ... well, this is a PG blog, so I can't really use the adjective this cupcake deserves. If you've read Lisa's books, you know the fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream are mischievous scamps who both help and hinder Beatrice in her journey. The fairies are especially distracted by dessert. When Lisa told me the theme of SO SILVER BRIGHT is dreams coming true, my hubby decided to make a cupcake of a fairy's dream come true. It ... well ... he was tired. It was super late. And I think that while his original vision was sound, this is the cupcake destined to go down in cupcake history as the Frosting Crotch. Without further ado, I give you Lisa's interview with the Spork of Doom and one lucky fairy getting his ultimate cake dream.

1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?

Probably not. I'm the older sister, which means I am bossy as all get out. I don't follow orders well (never have) and prefer to take the reins in almost any project, be it business or pleasure. Hence the reason I started writing short stories... I got tired of the "rules" of online roleplaying. What's that you say? My elfin elemental sorceress can't become a vampire? Well, screw you! I'm taking my writerly toys and playing by myself over there! *stomps off*

2. The only rule you need to understand is that I make the rules. Being a Spork of Doom takes moxie. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die!

Interesting. I didn't think a spork could raise an eyebrow like that.

3. Funny. You don't look like Johnny Cash. Besides, shooting is for wimps who don't have titanium tines at their disposal. When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

My mom makes the most Awesome Pie Ever... it's called a "flat apple pie" and it's made in a cookie sheet. Seriously! You roll out enough crust to cover the bottom of the cookie sheet, then put down a thin layer of crushed corn flakes (stick with me, I know it sounds weird) then slices of Granny Smith apple, then the top layer of pie crust. Bake, and douse with lemony powdered sugar glaze. When it's cool, you can pick up a big square of it in your hand and NOM NOM NOM.

4. *glares* While I'm sure that travesty of a "pie" is delicious, a REAL pie is one where you can use your tines and not your hand. What’s your favorite thing to do with a spork?

Eat pie and poke people. I actually own a titanium spork from ThinkGeek that was a gift from my friend, Jenna Waterford.

5. Ah ... so that's where one of my minions resides. Don't worry about any noises you might hear in the kitchen on October 9th, 2011. I'm sure it's just the cat and NOT the soon-to-be infamous Spork Uprising. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

I'm the Queen of Show and Tell... which is a fancy way of saying I like going overboard when it comes to things like parties and projects. For my senior thesis project in college, I did the costume, scenic, and lighting design for an imaginary production of Much Ado About Nothing set in WWII-era New Orleans Mardi Gras. I built a replica of our on-campus theater out of foamboard, added working colored lights that ran on dimmer switches, installed speakers to the back that played swing music, painted and displayed more than a dozen watercolor costume designs, then decorated the table with masks, beads, plastic champagne flutes, and banners.

*might have taken home a prize for that*

6. So, you're saying your superhero ability is to be an over-achiever? HOW does this make sense with your paltry little under-achieving pie from question 3? In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

I have "Taste the Bad Candy" written in silver on my (black) business cards. Let's just say it never fails to get the conversational ball rolling.

7. Actually, that has a nice ring to it. *takes notes* If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

Considering my obsession with cake and the fact that I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached--I blame the kids!--I have to answer Marie Antoinette.

8. Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

Because I literally get to do and say everything I've ever wanted to... all I have to do is imagine something and then write it down. Best magic trick ever.

9. I get to do and say everything I've ever wanted to. If someone tries to stop me, I spork them! In between conquests, I like to read a good story. What can you recommend and why?

Michelle Zink's trilogy, starting with Prophecy of the Sisters, Cindy Pon's lush Asian fantasies that start with Silver Phoenix, Stephanie Burgis's Kat books (different titles here and in the UK), Tiffany Trent's forthcoming Unnaturalists, Y.S. Lee's The Agency series, and Ysabeau Wilce's Flora Segunda series. Obviously, I like my YA well-written and full of good costuming!

10. Speaking of costumes, you need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

I think Edna Mode said it best in The Incredibles... NO CAPES.

11. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

Play nice with the other kids (unless they hit you first, then clean their clock!) Also, eat dessert first.

Thank you, Lisa, for such an entertaining interview! To find out more about Lisa's books, included links to where you can purchase them, head to her website. Of course, the fun isn't over yet! Lisa is offering a fabulous giveaway to one lucky commenter.

Prize package: Signed paperback of EYES LIKE STARS, signed paperback of PERCHANCE TO DREAM, and assorted Theatre Illuminata swag!

The contest is open to North America until Sunday, August 28th at 8 p.m. Central Time. To enter, simply fill out the form below. Good luck, and happy reading!

Winner of the Nocturne Necklace!

2011-08-24T08:41:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who entered the giveaway for the necklace inspired by Christine Johnson's NOCTURNE and designed by the fabulous Tashina Falene! As always, I used random.org to choose the winner. And the lucky winner is

Allison Mulder

Congratulations, Allison! I hope you love your new necklace. You'll be receiving a confimation email from me shortly.

If you didn't win this time, don't worry. Lisa Mantchev is being interviewed on the blog later today and is bringing an awesome giveaway with her!

Top Five Ways to Prepare for the Zombie Goat Invasion

2011-08-17T12:30:00.001-05:00

The hilarious and talented Christine Johnson is back this week with another giveaway and her sure-fire methods for preparing to face the Zombie Goat Invasion! Up for grabs is this gorgeous necklace designed just for Christine's books(CLAIRE DE LUNE and NOCTURNE) by the fabulous Tashina Falene.

To enter, simply fill out the Google doc below this post. Contest is open to North America and closes Sunday, August 21st at 8 p.m. Central time. But FIRST, find out what you need to do to ready yourself for the Zombie Goats. Oh, yeah. They're coming. Take it away, Christine.

1) Buy canned goods. Either you can eat them, or else you can lob the cans at the zombie goats. They'll either be injured or else distracted by the cans - goats are notorious for their willingness to eat cans, right?! Hmm. I'm beginning to worry about my odds of survival.

2) When the looting starts, FOR GOD'S SAKE HIT THE SPORTING GOODS STORE. Go to the shoe section first. It seems like almost all of the post-apocalyptic zombie stuff I've read features people who are invariably hampered by their poor footwear. I, for one, am not a fast runner. I need all the assistance a well-fitted athletic shoe can give me. You're taking notes, right?

3) Lay in a stock of glue-on horns, fake beards, and red contact lenses with horizontal slits. Zombie goats? Not that smart. There's a possibility of slipping past them if you're disguised as a fellow zombie goat. I think. Maybe. Oh, crap.

4) Shower. A lot. If you don't stink, I think you have a better shot at hiding from the goats. (Have you gathered yet that my advice is all bad?)

5) Buy books. Why not? If you're going to get zombie-goat-ified, you might as well be reading something good while it happens!

I, for one, am going to go hop in the shower, put on my best fake beard, and curl up with an awesome book. Look at me! I'm goat free! Great advice, Christine. :)

Please leave Christine a comment at the end of this post, and don't forget to enter to win the fabulous, one-of-a-kind necklace designed in honor of her books!

First Post Sale Interview

2011-08-17T08:25:00.000-05:00

Want a sneak peek at my book? Want to know what I would do if I knew the world was ending?

Check out my first post-sale interview! And be sure to leave a comment so I know ~~whom to call on when I need a minion~~ you were there! :)

Where's The Beef?

2011-08-16T08:00:00.002-05:00

Pardon the title. I saw an I Love The 80's Show recently and now, stuck like duct tape to my frontal lobe is THIS:

You're welcome.

I sort of wanted to title this post A Love Letter To My Editor, but she prefers me to show my love to her with baked goods and squeezable chickens. Which is fine. I prefer love via baked goods and squeezable chickens too. It's one of the many reasons we're a good match.

The true point of this post, though is this: Do you really need an editor?

I've seen both sides of the debate on this. There's the "Everyone needs a professional editor!" camp. And there's the "Editors take over your work and make it their own thereby stamping out all freedom of creativity!" camp. And plenty of people in between.

So, do YOU need an editor?

I can't answer that for you, any more than I could tell you if you need a literary agent, or if you should self-publish or hold out for a deal from a traditional publisher. Those are personal decisions based on what you want out of your career, and what you feel is best for you.

I can, however, tell you why, even though I'll be self-publishing my adult urban fantasy novels, I will never put a book out without working closely with a good editor. I turn in really clean drafts. In fact, one of the editors I spoke to when I was looking at offers for DEFIANCE told me the draft was publishable as is. If so, why use an editor?

Because there's a gap between publishable and HOLY COW AWESOME.

A good editor knows how to equip you to close that gap.

Having gone through two rounds of edits on the "publishable as is" DEFIANCE, I can say with confidence that gap has lessened. Will you read my book and decide it's HOLY COW AWESOME? I don't know. That's between you and my book. But I'm so pleased with the revisions I would probably lick the manuscript in public given half the chance.

So, how did my editor equip me to close that gap? Did she tell me what to write? Take over the scenes and insert her own ideas?

Nope.

She simply pushed me. Asked me tough questions.(Please note she has yet to highlight a section of my manuscript and ask "Where's the Beef?" but after this post, I expect that situation to be remedied.) She pointed out plot holes or pacing issues. Gave me feedback on the various story arcs. And then sat back and let me ruminate on it all until I could SEE how to fix and polish and perfect the story. My way.

Always my way.

My editor treats me and my story with respect. Part of that respect means she recognizes that I have the chops to really push this story to its full potential. Another part of that respect means if she questions something, and I say "No, it stays this way because ...", she listens. Because it's my story. Always my story.

She's there to help me make it the story I always meant to write in the first place.

Having that push, those tough questions, and that feedback from someone as committed as I am to making DEFIANCE the best it can be has been invaluable, and I'll never send a manuscript out into the world without it. It makes me a better writer.

So, do YOU need an editor? I don't know. But I do know if you decide the answer is yes, you should hold out for one who not only "gets" your story, but who respects you and your vision for your book and simply seeks to push you to make your original vision an amazing reality.

Winner of CLAIRE DE LUNE and NOCTURNE!

2011-08-15T14:19:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone who entered the giveaway for the signed set of a paperback CLAIRE DE LUNE and a hardback NOCTURNE from the hilarious Christine Johnson! As always, I used random.org to pick the winner. And the lucky winner is

Scott Stillwell

Congratulations, Scott! You will receive a confirmation email from me shortly. Didn't win this time? Don't worry! This Wednesday, Christine is back with her Top Five post and another giveaway. Until then, happy reading!