Monday, July 19, 2010

Business In The Front

1. Last week at work I met Miley Cyrus.

2. No, really.

3. I know. It was the highlight of my life, believe me.

4. She came in to the restaurant with her boyfriend for dinner.

5. Girl is way too skinny.

6. And yes, I pretended I didn't recognize her. I hate the whole fawning-all-over-celebrity thing.

7. But honestly, she didn't act like she wanted to be recognized. Very low key. Unlike some celebrities who come into the restaurant.

8. Like ... Nick of the Backstreet Boys.

9. I never listened to the Backstreet Boys, so when Nick came in I didn't recognize him.

10. In fact, most of the patrons didn't recognize him either.

11. Because this is Nashville. We have HUGE celebrities coming in to eat all the time. Like George Jones. Naomi Judd. Even, on occasion, Jordin Sparks.

12. And because when's the last time anyone saw or heard from the Backstreet Boys?

13. Anyway, one of the girls I work with pointed him out to me and assured me it was Nick Carter.

14. I ranked this piece of information right up there with stuff like "Walmart sells camouflage nightgowns" or "Paris Hilton uses marijuana."

15. Apparently, most of the patrons felt the same way I did because no one came to his table to ask for an autograph. No one snapped pics of him with a cell phone. In fact, no one really looked at him at all.

16. It soon became obvious Nick found this lukewarm reception unacceptable.

17. Why do I say that?

18. Because right in the middle of the dining room, over a plate of country cooking, in total disregard of the fact that his dining companions were right in the middle of a conversation, he started singing.

19. Singing.

20. At full volume.

21. Little snatches of lines that I assume were culled from a Backstreet Boy hit or two.

22. After singing a bit, he'd stop, look around, allow his friends to start talking again, and then, when it became obvious no one was going to ooh and aah, he'd start up again.

23. Whether the other patrons finally recognized him, I don't know. I do know he was getting plenty of dirty looks from people who wanted to eat their dinners without the unwelcome accompaniment of has-been boy band members who can't stand not to have fans following them around anymore.

24. And now, just when you think I've exhausted all of my meaningless celebrity stories, I bring you one last thing.

25. Probably the most interesting thing you'll hear from me all week.

26. As I drive in to work every day, I pass a house with buffalo in the front yard.

27. Real buffalo.

28. They don't actually do much.

29. In fact, usually they're too far up the hill to really see more than shaggy fur covering a hump.

30. Last week, however, one of the beasts had wandered down the hill and was staring at the cars as they drove by.

31. I locked eyes with him and realized one truly astounding thing.

32. The buffalo had a mullet.

33. With blond streaks.

34. Actually, more like orange-ish streaks.

35. But yes, I promise you, the buffalo was all highlighted business in the front and party in the back.

36. And I had the thought, as I drove on by, that he strongly reminded me of Billy Ray Cyrus.

37. The early years.

38. I considered using that as a conversational opener with Miley, but decided the phrase "I saw a buffalo that looked just like your daddy" might be easily misinterpreted.


  1. I love your Nick story so much I could squeal. I would have no idea who he was either. The Backstreet Boys were after my time. And how very sad that he still needs that kind of attention long after he's become basically inconsequential. I worked in a Subway in college, and Jimmy Osmond came in for a turkey sandwich. Yeah... not too exciting either. But at least he didn't sing.

  2. You can tell that you live in a house full of boys because I wouldn't have been allowed to go home the night Miley came in if I hadn't at least asked for an autograph. :)

  3. Baahahaha, love the buffalo with the mullet. Apparently no one has discussed with him the faux paus he's committing. ;) Have an awesome day!

  4. Oh, this is tooo good to just use two o's in too! (Did you catch all that? Good.) The Nick-thing cracked me up. I tend to go pretty ga-ga when I'm around celebrities (don't ask me how I made a fool of myself around tennis pro Michael Chang), but I wouldn't know Nick from Elvis, so I'd probably ignore him, too.

    And the buffalo mullet is priceless. Way to bring a story full-circle!


  5. Apparently the buffalo needs to hire a fashion consultant! And Carter might need a social consultant :)

  6. When did the Nick Carter thing happen? last week?!

  7. The Nick thing happened a couple of years ago. :)

  8. Poor Nick, fame is such a fleeting thing. Loved the buffalo story.(Hugs)Indigo

  9. This should have been posted as NSFW because I started to giggle at #14, and tea spewed out my nose (which I seem to do a lot here) from #32-36. (Great minds think alike, you know. As soon as I heard 'mullet' I was there with you.)

  10. I was wondering when that Nick Carter thing was too. A couple of years ago makes sense. He was on downtime then. He's been pretty darn busy over the last year and half touring the world with the Backstreet Boys, directing his first feature film and recording a solo album. Of course it COULD have been his younger brother Aaron. Aaron stays in his house when Nick is busy touring, and looks incredibly like him. He actually has NOT been working much-and frankly that sounds more like HIM.

  11. I saw those buffalo doing it once. Surreal.

  12. I laughed at the Nick Carter story for a different reason than everyone else. That story is so far outside of every single thing I have ever heard about Nick Carter that it made me giggle.
    But if it was a couple of years ago, it may be believable, as it sounds like something I would do if I were coked out of my gourd.

  13. *snickers*

    (on another note - why does Google suddenly hate me? It won't let me long in to respond *face palm*

  14. Um - that was me. :D


  15. I don't think you've quite prepared yourself for the wrath of Nick's stans. Where's the popcorn?

  16. Lol. I doubt I'm really on the radar of most of Nick's fans, but hey, who knows? I can always point at M.G. Buehrlen and say "She made me blog the story!"

  17. You should have just joined him in harmony and then asked him for a 5 spot.

  18. It's hit the message boards and twitter. The crazy ass South American fans frequent Twitter.

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  20. LMAO even in their hey day I wasn't sure who they were, but my sisters? Well, I was tarred and feathered the first time I was like, "some boys bothering you in a back street? what's mom doing letting you go in a back street alone anyway? (being all of nineteen to their 14 and 16 um yeah, LOL)

    I'm not into the fan gushing thing either. I've worked theatre too long. I drove Carrot Top around (Many years ago), helped with Ellen Degeneres, George Carlin, Kenny Rogers, (these are the one's I met) In fact, I ironed Roger's clothes for the show and did Carrot Top's laundry. So, the celebrity thing is fun, but different for me.

    I love your story here and as always, I took my drink BEFORE starting my read. (I have learned my lesson!) I'm getting caught up on my blog lag and this is great.


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