Saturday, March 31, 2007

Things to Do While Driving to Texas

This summer I will be making two (count them, 2!!) trips to Texas. One for my brother-in-law's wedding (yea Curt!) and one for the upcoming RWA Conference.

My brother-in-law, I get. I mean, he fell in love with a beautiful girl from Texas so he really has no choice but to call us forth to the blistering heat of Texas in the middle of summer. I love him. I'll go.

RWA has a choice, of course. There are many, MANY other places in the US of A that do not fill the air with so much humity you have to chew it to swallow it. I can think of several nice places. San Francisco. Seattle. Witchita. However, I love writing. I'll go.

It's a 10 hour drive. I'm making a list of things to do (or NOT to do) along the way (garnered from past experience of driving to Louisiana and Texas). Feel free to add your own items to the list:

1. DO wear a rain coat while driving your car. This is to protect you from the smothering humidity that causes your formerly cooperative vehicle to suddenly spit whole mouthfuls of water at you out of your air conditioning vents.

2. DO NOT throw anything at an alligator. Ever.

3. DO refer to the Civil War as the War of Northern Aggression.

4. DO NOT eat armadillo. No matter what anyone tells you, it doesn't taste like chicken.

5. DO come prepared for an all-out battle with the insect world. This requires more than your average can of mosquito repellant. This requires gallon cannisters of experimental chemical products loaded into black market bazukas that thankfully you can just mount on the top of your truck.

6. DO NOT offend a man carrying a shot gun. He will use it.

7. DO eat any variety of pie offered. It's ALL delicious.

8. DO NOT ask for Cajun-anything and then whine about the spice. For explanation, see #6.

9. DO learn to say "ya'all" unless you want to be thought of as unmannerly and poorly raised.

10. DO NOT drink anything made in a bathtub. (unless, of coure, you really didn't need your stomach lining after all)

Any other hints? Let me have them.

4 comments:

  1. absolutely true!!! lol. great blog! Just wanted to stop by and say hi...
    have a great week..
    your soon-to-be sis in law, shelley

    ReplyDelete
  2. And here I thought that you, being our resident expert on Texas, would have some pearls of wisdom to add. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. The alphabet game is always entertaining

    ReplyDelete
  4. So maybe I need a post with a southern alphabet....you know, A is for armadillo, B is for Best Be Moving Out of My Way Before I Run You Down With My ATV.

    ReplyDelete

People who comment are made of awesomesauce with a side of WIN!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails