Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Once Byten, Twice Shy

As you all know, my hook posted on fff's LiveJournal community yesterday. Many people commented. I wanted to reply to those comments but to do so as anything other than "annonymous", I needed a LiveJournal account.

Easy fix, right?

Here's what happened:

ME: Okay, so, click on this to set up a LiveJournal account. Should be pretty simple.

COMPUTER:*snicker, snicker*

ME: Choose a user name. Well, that's easy. c_j_redwine

COMPUTER: Please choose a password.

ME: Okay. *types password used in a few other places; one that is easily remembered*

COMPUTER: Password would be more secure by using an additional number or symbol.

ME: No, I'm fine. *enters password choice again*

COMPUTER: Password would be more secure by using an additional -

ME: But I don't want an additional number or symbol. I might not remember it. I have a lot on my mind, you know.

COMPUTER: Password would be more secure -

ME: Fine! Fine. *types random symbol at the end of password*. Happy now?

COMPUTER: Congratulations! You've just opened a LiveJournal account.

ME: You do know you're going to have send that password to my email address at least ninety times a month, right?

COMPUTER: What do you want to do first? *lists options: edit profile, add avatar, post a message*

ME: Ooooh, an avatar would be cool. I've always wanted one of those. *clicks choice*

COMPUTER: Please enter code for avatar.

ME: Code? What code?

COMPUTER: I can't tell you that. Besides, how can you not know the code? Are you or are you not a member of the internet generation? *computer actually does not answer me but the look it gave me said all of the above*

ME: Of course I'm part of the internet generation. I can figure this out. Code. A code. Some sort of secret code. *types password into blank*

COMPUTER: What game are you trying to play, here? *actually said "this is not a valid code" but the tone - the tone said it all*

ME: Just testing you. I know the code. *gets brilliant brainstorm to open a second browser window and search for avatars. thirty minutes later, finds one and retrieves the code*

COMPUTER: Enter code for avatar.

ME: *proudly types in code*

COMPUTER: There was a problem with the code.

ME: What sort of problem?

COMPUTER: *stubbornly refuses to answer*

ME: Did I type it wrong? I typed it wrong, didn't I? *returns to avatar page and copies code instead. returns to LiveJournal page and pastes code*

COMPUTER: There was a problem with the code.

ME: No, there isn't. There isn't a problem. I have the code. I gave you the code. *re-pastes and hits enter*

COMPUTER: There was a problem with -

ME: Forget it! Who needs an avatar anyway? I'll just finish the set up and go on about my day.

COMPUTER: Would you like to post a message to start your LiveJournal?

ME: Yes! Yes. Posting, I know how to do. *clicks on post button*

COMPUTER: Title of Post?

ME: Come check out my blog!

COMPUTER: Current music?

ME: Music? I'm supposed to do this to music?

COMPUTER: Nevermind. Current mood?

ME: *erroneously chooses "creative" from the list of options when, as it turns out, supremely irritated would be much more accurate*

COMPUTER: *gives no other options*

ME: Where do I type the message? *scrolls up and down the page several times, clicking on random sections of white in the hopes that somehow, one of them would let me type*

COMPUTER: *remains most unhelpful*

ME: I can't type a post. There's nowhere to type. How do people use this thing? *decides that perhaps LiveJournal likes to have title, music, and mood upfront before granting its minions the power of the typed word and hits "post" *

COMPUTER: There is a problem. You have not typed a message.

ME: Oh. What? Did I miss -? I must have missed it... *hits "back" and looks for a place to type the message.*

COMPUTER: *smugly waits for the inevitable*

ME: There's nowhere to type. Unless, for some reason, LiveJournal wants it all in the subject line? *types a few sentences into subject line as it is the only place on the entire page that will accept words*

COMPUTER: There is a problem. You have not typed a message.

ME: I bloody well have.

COMPUTER: There is a problem. You have not typed -

ME: *hits "back" key* Look! Look at this page, you miserable excuse for a website. I'd love to type a message. I really, really would. But there is NOWHERE to type.

COMPUTER: There is a problem. You have not -

ME: If you think I wasted all this time to have no avatar and nothing posted, you've got another think coming. *hits "post" again*

COMPUTER: There is a problem. You have not-

ME: Say that to me one more time and I'll SMASH YOU WITH A HAMMER! *takes monitor in both hands and gives it a good shake*

COMPUTER: *arrogantly leaves error message in plain view, tempting both the fates and my husband's large supply of tools*

ME: *realizes belatedly that manhandling and shouting death threats at inanimate objects is not the mark of a sane person* Fine. Keep your journal. Your avatars and your secret codes. Keep your current emotion and your posts that require some technological form of a seven-year-old's secret handshake. Who needs you? *defiantly closes the entire window and walks away*

The score, unfortunately, is LiveJournal - 1, C.J. - 0


  1. Just checked my email and a message from LJ said, and I quote,

    "Congratulations, LiveJournal is now your new friend."

    I beg to differ.

  2. *laughs* I feel about the same way with Blogger.

    Threaten LJ with a bat, that usually works.


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