Tuesday, May 15, 2007

If You Have Any Poo, Fling It Now!

*borrowed the title of this post from my favorite line in Madagascar*

Some people just need a crash course in basic manners. For example:

1. Don't shovel food into your mouth and then chew with your mouth wide open. While your mastication process is fascinating, I'm already familiar enough with the whole procedure that I'd rather not view it. And please, DON'T SPEAK. I prefer to eat my food sans crumb spray from your gaping mouth.

2. Don't neglect to RSVP for an event and then grace us with your presence anyway. I may act happy to see you but you are so NOT getting my share of the brownies I carefully portioned out with my guest list in mind.

3. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR DOG TO POOP ON MY LAWN AND THEN LEAVE IT THERE. It may come as a shock, I realize, that I do not consider it my job to shovel YOUR animal's fecal matter. If I happen to know where you live, I'll gladly return the doggie presents to your front porch (don't think I would? You don't know me well...)

What got me on this little rant? Two days ago, my kids were playing in our front yard. I was watching out my office window. Two women come walking by with one of those little stretched out hot-dog looking dogs. The dog was walking on my lawn. Right before my eyes, he squatted down and pooped. The women did nothing until they looked up and saw I was watching. Then they tugged the dog along and LEFT THE POOP.

Not on my watch, you don't. I don't feel like having one of my kids step in that little pile of joy and then track it into my house. Nor do I want my hubby's riding lawn mower to fling noxious little missiles at my house while he mows.

I snatched a plastic bag and ran out the door.

The women were almost off my property. My middle child (who has NO FILTER between what enters his head and what comes out of his mouth) was racing around them yelling,

"Hey! Your dog pooed over there. There's poo over there. You can't leave poo in our yard!"

Preach it, baby and can I get an amen?

I walked up to them and said, "Would you like a bag for that?"

They cleaned it up and left.

I saw them walking by yesterday.

Sans dog.



  1. Kind of makes you long for the days of flaming paper bags of dog poop left on the front steps after you rang the doorbell and ran, doesn't it?


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