In the continuing saga of me vs. phone solicitors, I just recieved a call from someone trying to sell me a travel discount package (for four low payments of $22.95 a year!!!!) because, of course, a mother of three has plenty of time and money to jet-set all over the world.
IDIOT: Mrs. Redwine?
Me: Oh, not again -
IDIOT: Mrs. Redwine, I'm calling because a recent purchase on your Visa qualified you for a free gift.
Me: There aren't any recent purchases on my Visa.
IDIOT: Yes, and it qualified you -
Me: Are you arguing with me about my own Visa card?
IDIOT: Your recent purchase qualified you to recieve a package of gifts totalling over $500 in value.
Me: Why don't you tell the truth? Your company bought my information and now you want me to agree to something that I'll never use and will cost me thousands before all is said and done.
IDIOT: It's not like that. I just send out (lists all gifts in a barely understandable accent) and you can call that day and cancel it. It's your decision.
Me: My decision is no, I'm not interested.
IDIOT: But Mrs. Redwine, these are nice gifts and you could just call and cancel.
Me: I'd forget to call. No.
IDIOT: How could you forget? It doesn't come in an envelope. It's a box.
Me: How does a box help my memory? No.
IDIOT: I'll just send this out for a small processing fee and you can keep the gifts -
IDIOT: You aren't listening.
Me: Says the pot to the kettle. Listen, I'll do you a favor. I've got my Webster's Dictionary right here. I'll look up the word "no" and give you the definition since you clearly don't understand it.
IDIOT: You are the one who doesn't understand. These gifts are valuable, it's only a small one-time processing fee and you can cancel at any time -
Me: an adverb meaning not ever, not in any degree, not at all -
IDIOT: You can just call and cancel -
Me: the opposite of yes, used to deny, refuse, disagree, and utterance of absolute refusal -
IDIOT: Mrs. Redwine, it's a valuable gift and you don't have to pay anything beyond the processing fee and I'm just going to send this out and then you can decide. The choice is yours.
Me: I've made my choice. No.
IDIOT: But you can't say no -
Me: *hangs up on IDIOT mid-sentence*
I love to start my day chewing up and spitting out a salesman for breakfast.