Sunday, July 1, 2007

Things To See in Arkansas and Texas

I'm back from Texas (and don't you love me for running right to this blog and posting before I even unpack??). The wedding was beautiful and I absolutely LOVE my new sister and her huge, generous, loving family.

But enough mushy stuff.

Here is my Top Ten List of Things to See in Arkansas and Texas:

10. Mosquitoes. No, not those namby-pamby little irritants you folks north and west of the Mason-Dixon imagine. These are GIANT BLOODTHIRSTY CARRIERS OF DEATH. And they loved me. They really did.

9. Double-wides whose porch/yard conveniently contains any and all appliances ever made from the year 1908 to present.

8. Dogs. Everyone who calls themselves a self-respecting southerner has at least three dogs ready to run at your car as you enter their driveway. This is not a problem when you are greeted with wiener dogs or toy poodles. This is a MAJOR issue when the dog in question is a full-grown (horse) Mastiff.

7. Walmart Supercenter. Where else can you buy deodorant, a box of Fruit Loops, the latest Harry Potter movie, a pair of boots, a set of tires for your car, a new bedspread, a shotgun, and a beach ball all in one place?

6. Trucks. Everyone who calls themselves a self-respecting southerner has at least three trucks to go along with their three dogs.

5. Snakes. Water mocassins and rattlers (or something equally unsavory). Thankfully I did not see any (thought I'm told they run rampant through people's lawns). As I cannot tell the difference between a dangerous snake and one that is simply toying with my mind, I would have ruined the good impression I made on my new family by going G.I. Jane on a common garden snake.

4. A town called Widener Hughes. I don't know what's in that town or why they wanted someone to (bad joke alert) widen her hughes but any town with a name like that has to be worth a quick stop.

3. The posted speed limit sign as you leave Arkansas and enter Texas. Never mind the day and nighttime speed limits posted for semi-trucks, buses, and passenger cars. I was much more enthralled with the posted speed limits for MANUFACTURED HOMES. What kind of license do you need to be able to pilot your double-wide down the highway and where do I get one?

2. Hope, Arkansas - birthplace of President Clinton. We stopped there overnight just to be able to say we used the bathroom in Hope. I was very disappointed that no one offered us a complimentary cigar.

1. Mennonites in drag. Seriously. My sister Shelley and I were shopping (where else?) at Walmart and I kid you not, we saw a man dressed as a Mennonite woman. Adam's Apple, hairy arms, and five o'clock shadow included. It wasn't the most flattering look for him.

There's my list of interesting things to see in Arkansas and Texas. I really loved vacationing there and meeting my wonderful new family and can't wait to see them again.

Now, to go unpack...

4 comments:

  1. mayberry tuesdayJuly 2, 2007 at 7:43 AM

    Welcome back!! Sounds like you had an interesting trip!

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  2. Heh. Love the South. (in that same way I love train wrecks and chronic rashes)

    Welcome home!

    K

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  3. I'm glad you had fun but even more happy you're back! :)

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  4. Glad to be back too. There's a lot to love about the South (children who answer "yes ma'am" or "yes sir" to everyone, incredible cooking, gorgeous scenery, gracious brick homes and very friendly people). I just can't resist pointing out our more humorous side as well. =)

    ReplyDelete

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