I love to laugh. I don't do little giggles or quiet chuckles or anything like that. When I laugh, I laugh. I just let loose. I often laugh so hard, I cry.
That's not a problem. I learned early on to wear water-proof mascara.
However, I've learned other things while laughing hysterically. Here are just a few:
1. Laughing on a full bladder is risky, at best. It's better to frequently visit the restroom, just in case. One never knows when the urge to double-over with laughter will produce more than just tears.
2. Laughing while carrying a heavy tray of plates full of hot food is not advisable. For one, it makes it very difficult to maintain one's balance properly. For another, restaurant guests do not look kindly upon a waitress walking by herself and laughing hysterically. Makes them wonder who spiked the sweet tea.
3. Laughing while drinking a carbonated beverage can be disastrous. One has only three choices:
A. Choke it down and hope your lungs can clear themselves of Diet Coke before you cough one of your vital organs right out of your mouth.
B. Abort your attempt to swallow and send the whole fizzy mouthful out your nostrils. This has several disadvantages - namely pain and a significant loss of social standing but on the plus side, it does a remarkable job of clearing the sinuses.
C. Spew the whole mouthful in whichever direction you happen to be facing. This is the least painful option, of course, but tends to ruin electronics and irritate those standing in front of you.
4. Laughing loudly while in a quiet setting, like church or a wedding or your neighbor Milly's daughter's first piano recital, is difficult to explain. One must act quickly to change the laughter into something more plausible for the occasion. Hiding your face and hoping others think you are sobbing uncontrollably works well in weddings and sometimes church but is inadvisable for a piano recital (unless you are my father who really would sob uncontrollably at a butchering of Beethoven). For those moments when sobbing would not excuse you, you must whip out a sudden onset of asthma, a flare up of tuberculosis, or gesture frantically to those around you that you are in need of the Heimlich Maneuver. And for heaven's sake, pray that your bladder is already empty.
5. Laughing uncontrollably when no one else knows what is funny is one of my most common "laughter related faux pas". Not that I really care. I can be amused by something in my own head enough to laugh til I cry. No outside assistance needed. My true friends will begin to laugh with me (because laughter is just as contagious as leprosy or finding yourself oddly fascinated by the train wreck that is Paris Hilton) and others will shake their heads and say that they always knew I was crazy.
6. Finally - a lesson I just learned today thanks to Malystryx - laughing while chewing a mouthful of chicken is NOT ADVISABLE. One has the same three choices that one has when faced with a mouthful of carbonated beverage but with important distinctions.
For one, your lungs cannot discharge a mouthful of chicken with the same painful ease as a beverage. Also, spitting a mouthful of food out takes just seconds longer to accomplish than spitting out a beverage and those seconds make all the difference between expelling and snorting. Snorting chicken is about the most painful thing I've ever done while laughing and I do not recommend it.
Off to empty my bladder again, just in case.