Confessions of an Insomniac

10:15 : Take two Tylenol PMs and expect to be zonked in less than 20 minutes.

10:30: Finish taking out contacts, brushing teeth, and washing face and climb into bed.

10:34: Stare at clock and wonder when Tylenol PM is going to kick in.

10:35: Wonder if the Mucinex I took conflicts with the Tylenol PM.

10:37: Realize my leg is bouncing on the mattress in a rapid, jittery rhythm that strongly suggests I am not going to go to sleep any time soon.

10:40: Begin an hour long train of random, lightning-fast thoughts that look something like this:

1. I really, really, really need to go to sleep.

2. All that time spent sweating for an A in algebra classes was totally wasted as I have never once used any of it in real life.

3. Shouldn't I be lightheaded by now?

4. *sniff* Mucinex seems to work.

5. I need to do a lot of things tomorrow...vacuum, clean the bathrooms, do some laundry, clean the kitchen, sweep the hardwood....

6. Best not to think about that now.

7. Although, if I don't fall asleep soon, I can just get up and get a head start on my cleaning...

8. Is it wise for me to run a vacuum cleaner when I've taken two Tylenol PMs?

9. Maybe they were placebos.

10. If everyone faithfully practiced good dental hygiene, the world would be a much friendlier place.

11. Is it too much to ask for people to at least drive the speed limit?

12. Can't stand being stuck behind a slow driver.

13. Does Mucinex only work on the mucus that is present at the time of pill ingestion or does it handle additional mucus later on?

14. Hey, I can sit up without the room spinning.

15. Stupid Tylenol PM.

16. This is so NOT the time to discover I've somehow gained a tolerance for drugs.

17. It's the Mucinex. It must be an upper.

18. I bet if chickens were as aggressive as geese, none of us would know what eggs taste like.

19. It's close to midnight now.

20. Wouldn't it be cool if you could make something magical happen at midnight if you were paying attention to the possibility?

21. Sort of pathetic that I'd use my magic to pull a Mary Poppins on my messy house.

22. I don't care for curry.

23. Bet curry works better than Mucinex and doesn't keep you up at night.

24. Bet it hurts to snort it, though.

25. I wouldn't like to live in a desert.

26. John Edwards looks like a Fisher Price little person all grown up.

27. Must be the plastic hair.

28. We seriously need a new mattress.

29. This is like Sealy-sponsored acupuncture.

30. Puce. Who wears a color called puce? You practically have to spit the word out to pronounce it correctly.

And so on and so forth until finally the Tylenol PM beat out the fidgety Mucinex and sent me off to sleep.