Friday, May 2, 2008

What's Worse Than Pickles?

Tonight, Daredevil had a special evening with his Dad. They went to see a movie and then browsed Borders where they purchased a journal and a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (inspired by the Harry Potter books). The flavors are: Earthworm, Dirt, Sausage, Pickles, Earwax, Soap, Black Pepper, Boogers, Grass, and Vomit. I know. Yum, right?

Because Daredevil is a generous soul, he divided the jelly beans evenly between himself and his brothers and they began sampling. The resulting conversation went something like this:

Starshine: Hey! I only have 1 Vomit. No fair!

Scientist: I have lots of Vomit. You can have mine. I don't like Vomit anymore.

Daredevil: I just ate a Vomit. It was really gross. I almost tried to throw up.

Starshine: (considers the Scientist's pile of Vomit jelly beans) That's okay. I don't need Vomit.

Daredevil: (pops a bean) Yum! Boogers!

Me: How do you know it tastes like boogers?

Daredevil: Because it tastes like boogers.

Scientist: Yeah, Booger is one of the good ones.

Me: It is?

Scientist: And Grass. Grass is good.

Starshine: It tastes better than real grass.

Me: Oh?

Scientist: He's right. It does.

At this point, my hubby wanders in and the Scientist instantly offers him a bean. My hubby is no fool. One day, a few months ago, when I first brought home a box of Bertie's for the kids, my hubby, unaware of my recent purchase and the imminent danger to his tastebuds, was pacing the front lawn, speaking into his cell phone. The kids grabbed a Vomit bean, raced out to the lawn, and offered to "share their candy". My hubby, being a good father and therefore very inclined to encourage his children's generosity, thoughtlessly popped the bean into his mouth, chewed twice, and doubled over gagging.

Interestingly enough, he actually finished and swallowed the bean. He did not, however, ask for seconds and the children were suitably impressed with both the volume of his gag reflex and the becoming shade of puce on his face.

This time, my hubby firmly turned down all attempts to share his children's candy and left the room.

Daredevil: Dirt is good.

Scientist: (eats one) Yay! Earwax. I like earwax.

Starshine: Oooh! I have a lot of Soap! That's great!

Me: Have you all lost your minds?

Daredevil: Want a black pepper? Those are gross.

Me: Black pepper is gross but Booger, Dirt, Earwax, Grass, and Soap are good?

Starshine: I don't like black pepper. I'd rather eat Vomit.

Scientist: Black pepper isn't as bad as Pickles.

Daredevil: Pickles are nasty!

Me: I don't really think any of you understand the meaning of the word "nasty".

Starshine: No, he's right, Mom. Pickles are nasty.

Me: But not Vomit?

Scientist: Oh Vomit is nasty but at least it isn't Pickles.

Daredevil: You know what's worse than Pickles?

Me: (searches the back of the box for what could possibly qualify as the worst flavor of all) Vomit isn't worse than Pickles?

Daredevil: (rolls eyes) No, Mom. Sausage is worse than Pickles. Sausage is nasty.

Me: (gives up ever understanding the minds of my boys and sends them away to munch on Earwax, Boogers, Dirt, and Vomit.)

Scientist: (pops one more as he leaves the room) Sweet!! I got Earthworm!


  1. Hey! I checked out your blog and love it. As a Harry Potter enthusiast, this story was hillarious to me. I was lauging outloud. It was great to meet you at CB and look forward to keeping track of you. Good uck with your writing and award.

  2. Lol!! This is hysterical.


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