It's 10:30 p.m. Monday night. I've just returned from the grocery store (hey, you go when you can). Because I'm facing a long night of writing and I don't feel all too energetic, despite taking a nap earlier, I decided I needed a jolt of caffeine (and does anyone else find it strange that this word thumbs its nose at the "i before e except after c" rule?).
How do you get a jolt of caffeine this late on a Monday in a small town? You go to McDonalds. They have fancy coffee drinks, now, and I decided tonight was the night to try one.
I used the drive through and the resulting conversation went like this: (
ME: *waiting patiently, although no one else is in line and there doesn't seem to be a valid reason for the lack of greeting from the little electronic box*
PERSON MAKING MINIMUM WAGE: (henceforth referred to as PMMW) Wait a minute.
ME: *wonders what might happen to my order if I tell PMMW he should at least say please*
PMMW: Okay. What do you want?
ME: *some consideration?* I'd like a large iced mocha, no whipped cream.
PMMW: Hold on a second.
ME: *wonders why I need to hold on when I've only ordered one item*
PMMW: We have like three flavors of coffee.
ME: Yes, I realize that. I want a large iced mocha, no whipped cream.
PMMW: So you want a mocha?
PMMW: We only have the mocha in one size.
ME: Yes. I realize that. A large. That's what I ordered.
PMMW: We only have it in a large.
ME: *grits teeth and decides not to point out that I'm staring right at the menu and I freaking know this already* Which works out well since that's what I ordered. No whipped cream.
PMMW: So you want the large iced mocha?
ME: *decides not to use the weapon of sarcasm against an opponent so clearly unarmed* Yes! No whipped cream!
PMMW: Do you want that with skim milk or regular?
PMMW: Alright. That's a large iced mocha with skim milk and extra whipped cream.
ME: What? No, not extra! No whipped cream.
PMMW: It comes with whipped cream. No extra charge.
ME: *decides that PMMW needs to be changed to PDTMW for PERSON DESTINED TO MAKE MINIMUM WAGE. Forever. And always. Amen.* I don't care about that. I don't want whipped cream.
PDTMW: So no whipped cream?
ME: That's right. No whipped cream.
PDTMW: Well, okay, if that's what you want.
ME: *bangs head on steering wheel* That's what I want.
PDTMW: Do you want anything else?
ME: *imagines the ensuing difficulty in ordering anything else off the menu and shudders* No.
PDTMW: Okay, well, pull up to the first window and pay.
All of that and I have to tell you, the coffee is pretty bitter, even with the mocha. I know, I know, that's what I get for getting my coffee at McDonald's. Never again, I promise.