Monday, June 16, 2008

Apparently, I'm Not The Only One Who Needs Caffeine

It's 10:30 p.m. Monday night. I've just returned from the grocery store (hey, you go when you can). Because I'm facing a long night of writing and I don't feel all too energetic, despite taking a nap earlier, I decided I needed a jolt of caffeine (and does anyone else find it strange that this word thumbs its nose at the "i before e except after c" rule?).

How do you get a jolt of caffeine this late on a Monday in a small town? You go to McDonalds. They have fancy coffee drinks, now, and I decided tonight was the night to try one.

I used the drive through and the resulting conversation went like this: (

ME: *waiting patiently, although no one else is in line and there doesn't seem to be a valid reason for the lack of greeting from the little electronic box*

PERSON MAKING MINIMUM WAGE: (henceforth referred to as PMMW) Wait a minute.

ME: *wonders what might happen to my order if I tell PMMW he should at least say please*

PMMW: Okay. What do you want?

ME: *some consideration?* I'd like a large iced mocha, no whipped cream.

PMMW: Hold on a second.

ME: *wonders why I need to hold on when I've only ordered one item*

PMMW: We have like three flavors of coffee.

ME: Yes, I realize that. I want a large iced mocha, no whipped cream.

PMMW: So you want a mocha?

ME: Yes.

PMMW: We only have the mocha in one size.

ME: Yes. I realize that. A large. That's what I ordered.

PMMW: We only have it in a large.

ME: *grits teeth and decides not to point out that I'm staring right at the menu and I freaking know this already* Which works out well since that's what I ordered. No whipped cream.

PMMW: So you want the large iced mocha?

ME: *decides not to use the weapon of sarcasm against an opponent so clearly unarmed* Yes! No whipped cream!

PMMW: Do you want that with skim milk or regular?

ME: Skim.

PMMW: Alright. That's a large iced mocha with skim milk and extra whipped cream.

ME: What? No, not extra! No whipped cream.

PMMW: It comes with whipped cream. No extra charge.

ME: *decides that PMMW needs to be changed to PDTMW for PERSON DESTINED TO MAKE MINIMUM WAGE. Forever. And always. Amen.* I don't care about that. I don't want whipped cream.

PDTMW: So no whipped cream?

ME: That's right. No whipped cream.

PDTMW: Well, okay, if that's what you want.

ME: *bangs head on steering wheel* That's what I want.

PDTMW: Do you want anything else?

ME: *imagines the ensuing difficulty in ordering anything else off the menu and shudders* No.

PDTMW: Okay, well, pull up to the first window and pay.

All of that and I have to tell you, the coffee is pretty bitter, even with the mocha. I know, I know, that's what I get for getting my coffee at McDonald's. Never again, I promise.


  1. I've found their french vanilla iced coffee is the ONLY one that is tolerable.

  2. Wow.

    I'm so stunned by that person's idiocy I can't think of anything smart to say. :D


  3. Warning: The following comment fully exposes my nerdiness and my addiction to caffeine.
    The word, as you so rightly points out, does thumb its nose at the "i before e" rule. Blame its etymology. Broken down, the word (French in origin-- this alone, my dad would say, explains why it doesn't follow the rule) literally means "pertaining to coffee." Caffe--coffee and ine- of or pertaining to. Hence, the rebellious spelling.
    (((crawling back under a stack of books and wearing thick horn-rimmed glasses and a pocket protector)))

  4. From now on, if I need a caffeine boost at night and Starbucks is closed, I'll just drink a Diet Coke and call it good. =)

    Yes, Katy, not exactly the brightest bulb...

    Danielle Mari - what are we, kindred spirits? You have no idea how often I explain things to my friends at work by breaking down the origins of a word. LOL - my dad would also agree that the French must have messed it up!

  5. Oh LOL! Nothing like putting your best employee out to deal with the customers.

  6. Hysterical! That was me a week ago!

  7. And this would be the reason I don't order at any fast food joints. LOL

    PDTMW... awesome!

    Starbucks only for me, but if it's late (i.e. past midnight), Pepsi. You gotta stop a couple of hours before bed, though, or you'll be all jittery when you're trying to sleep. =p


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