Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Don't Start Something You Can't Finish

Dear Considerate Neighbor,

I want to thank you for graciously allowing your miniature poop-machine to leave his smelly offerings on my property as you walked by. One would think I would be irritated, but I've reconsidered my initial ire. After all, isn't the act of letting your dog take a dump in my yard a compliment of sorts? It's like saying, "Hey! My dog likes the smell of your grass!" and who doesn't love to hear something like that? I know I do.

Taking it one step further, however, to allowing your tiny turd machine to cop a squat on my walkway, thereby ensuring I would NOT MISS the stinky little trophy on my way to my van this evening ... well, that was a stroke of genius. I mean, if the poop remained solely in the grass, at the edge of my yard, I might miss the slippery evidence of your brief, but memorable, presence in my yard. I might lose out on the opportunity to fully appreciate the incredible gall, er, I mean commitment to peaceful co-existence with one's neighbors which you so clearly have in spades.

Until tonight, I hadn't considered piles of poop on my walkway to be anything other than rude, boorish, inconsiderate behavior worthy of junior high boys and nothing more. I now realize the error of my ways.

Judging by the size of your dog's offering, he weighs a mere six pounds soaking wet. My dog is eighty pounds of Chow hound and is blessed with a very healthy appetite. As soon as I figure out which walkway belongs to you, I'll bring my dog on by to return the compliment.

Happy walking.



  1. I once had a neighbor with a pair of pugs who preferred my lawn to theirs.

    I also had a shovel with which I would carefully collect their deposits and return them to their rightful owner each day.

    Perplexed by the steadily growing pile of poo on their doorstep, they eventually relocated to a less baffling residence.

  2. DUDE! Seriously, what is up with people allowing their animals to do that? Somebody in our neighborhood (we've narrowed it down to the basset hound and the lab mix) allows their dog to poo RIGHT WHERE I HAVE TO STEP TO GET IN MY CAR. Right there with you with our own 70 pound poop machine. She's got skills. Now which house is theirs?


People who comment are made of awesomesauce with a side of WIN!

Harry Potter Trailer & More!

The final trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 has been released, and I'm not going to lie. I get choked up every ti...