In five minutes or less:
1. Open blog page and hit "sign in" button.
2. Curse for the fifty-thousandth time as blogger opens but refuses, despite repeated requests, to remember your log-in information.
3. Type in log-in information.
4. Check the box marked "remember log-in information" for the fifty-first-thousandth time--proving that either hope springs or idiocy abounds.
5. Hit "create post" button.
6. Stare at empty page.
7. Glance at clock and realize time is of the essence--five minutes to go before you must leave for work.
8. Wonder what you can blog about that will be both interesting and non-time-consuming.
9. Flying monkeys.
10. Indian soda made from cow's urine.
11. The extreme likelihood that Joan Rivers is a Zombie and no one yet realizes it.
12. Discard each idea as either too time-consuming (really the cow's urine soda deserves much thoughtful pontification), too hackneyed (who really cares about flying monkeys?), or too obvious. (Joan Rivers is a Zombie, folks. Accept and move on.)
13. Check picture file to see if anything interesting sparks your imagination.
14. Check time.
15. Three minutes left.
16. Check Twitter in case anyone has said anything remotely interesting, controversial, or inspiring.
17. Decide that a war of irritating song lyrics, while good clean fun on Twitter, might fall flat on your blog.
19. And IIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuu.
20. Hey, Makarena!
21. One minute left.
22. Realize that blogging excellence might be found in your latest string of key word searches.
23. Click on stats button and pray for gold.
24. Find searches containing the words "dog flings poop" and "goat farmer" instead.
25. Admit that the goal of offering lofty, high-brow entertainment has now been achieved.
26. Recognize that as such, today's post can hardly top such excellence.
27. Decide to leave well enough alone.
28. Find one more keyword search with which to inspire your readers on a Tuesday morning.
20. Monkey flings popsicle goat.
21. And really, I think that says it all.