Saturday, November 7, 2009

10 Things I Need According to Google

I just performed a quick Google experiment by doing a search for "C.J. needs." Here are the top ten results:

1. C.J. needs a laxative: If I was the C.J. in question on this post, I'd be handing out certain consequences and repercussions to the person in my life who thought my internal plumbing emergency worthy of a blog post.

2. C.J. needs to become the region's highest appellate court: Um. *looks around* I thought I already was.

3. C.J. needs a hip replacement: I'd feel sorry for this C.J. if I wasn't sort of jealous. I'd rather need a hip replacement than worry I might need a lobotomy instead. (Have you read how many times I've hit my head in the last few years?! Oy.)

4. C.J. needs a vacation: Preach it, sister.

5. C.J. needs numbers: Hm. 12. 3894. 9495793857892020. There you go. Glad to help.

6. C.J. needs to go: Perhaps this C.J. should hook up with C.J. #1.

7. C.J. needs to have a Dairy Queen: A whole Dairy Queen? Really? Cause I'd settle for just a blizzard.

8. C.J. needs to offer a sacrifice: Fine. You can have my flip flops. Yes, I own a pair, but they were a GIFT. Also, you can have my hubby's ratty gray shorts which he refuses to throw away.

9. C.J. needs to shoot more: I totally agree. Who wants to give me a gun for Christmas?

10. C.J. needs help with algebra: Isn't that the truth. Actually (and I believe my high school math teacher will back me up on this) I'm beyond help. Waaaaay beyond help.


  1. My best: "Kerry needs Mojo the Helper Monkey."

    My first thought: "How sad that Mojo Jojo has been reduced to laboring as a mere assistant."

    My second thought: "Sweet! I can use his enormous evil brain to help me achieve world domination while paying only minimum helper-monkey wage!"

    My third thought: "Monkeys are prone to throw STUFF, and there are zero documented cases of them cleaning up after themselves, which will only make more work for me, and I can live without that kind of HELP, thanks."

  2. When I search on this, I mainly get other ppl's lists of what "Jody Needs". But here's a good one:

    jodi needs deliverance from lust.

  3. Lol, I think I now have a new thing to search for on Google when I feel like blowing off my homework and stuff.

    Some of the things Google says I need:

    Help with a boy
    To stop
    Twelve weeks to recover
    A date

    Interesting what you can find on Google, no?

  4., Google wins. Their absurd search results utterly pwn you. My list of favorites:

    1. AngDot needs to remember how public FaceBook is: Ah, yes. Jared won't be too happy I posted those shirtless pictures of him all over the intarchobs. Mah bad.

    2. AngDot needs an underbrella, ella, ella...: Actually, my state's in a bit of a dryspell, right now.

    3. Elisabeth needs medication: Tch. Nooo.

    4. Elisabeth needs to SHUT UP: I get that sometimes. You understand me so well, Google.


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