Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Stilettos Vs Flip Flops




This summer, I decided to try something new. I bought flip flops. Now, I've owned flip flops before. One pair. To use only when I went to the neighborhood pool. But owning several pair of flip flops to use for things like being seen in public? Never.

But friends loved their flip flops. Everyone was wearing them. They were less effort than my heels, so I thought I'd give them a try.

Disastrous.

Mostly because the rubber piece in between my big toe and second toe literally wore a HOLE into my foot that was deep enough to force me to bandage it for days.

Awesome.

I can't ever remember a time my stilettos put me in danger of losing a toe.

So, after my summer Flip Flop Experiment, I've compiled a completely scientific and thoroughly unbiased list of my results.

TOP TEN REASONS STILETTOS ARE BETTER THAN FLIP FLOPS

1. Flip flops sound like a fly swatter slapping a brick wall as you walk. Sexy!! Stilettos make a tiny little pop against the floor--a measured cadence that says both "Sexy" and "You're dealing with someone who means business so better bring your A game."

2. Flip flops are nothing but a sheet of rubber with very little traction on the bottom. All you need to perform an impromptu slip 'n slide routine for the public at large is a clean grocery store floor.

3. Say what you will about stilettos being ankle-breakers, at least they don't have a loose flap of rubber at BOTH ENDS just waiting to catch on the stairs or fold over on itself while you're walking.

4. Super heroes never wear flip flops. And not just because of the safety issues. Try looking intimidating in a cape, lycra bodysuit, and a pair of pink flowery flip flops.

5. Flip flops do nothing for your calves.

6. Nothing says I'm a GIRL and I can kick your butt like a pair of awesome stilettos.

7. Someone pointed out to me that flip flops could double as protective gear by serving to protect you from toe fungus in a public shower. Allow me to point out that with one well-aimed kick, stilettos double as weapons. Also, allow me to point out that if you're given to bathing in public showers, flip flops are the least of your worries.

8. If Marilyn Monroe had done her famous little walk across the cobblestone streets in Niagra wearing flip flops, no one would still be pointing to that piece of film as an example of the quintessential blonde bombshell.

9. While stilettos look great with capris and a halter top, flip flops do nothing for a pencil skirt and silk blouse.

10. Even the names tell the truth. You can either wear footwear that sounds like a dangerous, sexy little weapon or you can wear something that sounds like a piece of stage direction from The Three Stooges.

Now, I'm off to toss my flip flops into the far corner of my closet where they can dream of eating away at my second toe while slapping against the pavement, searching for a tiny crack to catch in so they can face plant me in front of an audience.

10 comments:

  1. Flip-flops are still a blingzillion times better than Crocs.

    And trust me, flip-flops CAN be used as weapons. *shifty eyes*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude, you so have a point. I never where the flip-flops with the thingy between the toes unless I'm forced to *shudders, but I do where slip ons for ease of leaving. I have slipped and almost fell or palin fell over more times than I can count. I thought this meant that I should steer clear and give stilletos a wide berth. I will be rethinking this very seriously the next time I am shoe shopping.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You crack me up! My daughter has a closet load of flip flops - she adores them!

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  4. Why you gotta pick on the flip-flop? Flip-flops are good to me. So are stilettos. I want to know how you don't break an ankle if you're anything like your sister. LOL And you bought the wrong kind of flip-flops if they tried to punch a hole through your foot. =p

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love my flippety floppities... that being said, I should clarify that they're heavy leather ones, not those cheap rubbers... and I use them for things like walking in the creek or watering the plants... I do have one nice pair of tan and red leather Bakers that I'll wear out, but if I'm hitting the town, it's usually in stilettos...

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  6. This is Shawna aka Writermomof5--for some reason I'm getting a failure message when trying to post as me.

    The thing between the toes thing got to me until two years ago and then I put on my sister's to run out to the car for something and... it was just gone--flips flops were comfortable. Go figure. Of course I have black, leather soled flip flops with a tasteful, yet sparkly, design of rhinestones across the top.

    And by the way, if you're ever arrested, the police will confiscate your stilletos as a weapon. No, I won't tell you how I know that. : )

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kerry - Crocs. Ugh. And I believe YOU could turn anything into a weapon. It's part of your charm.

    Leona - If you're a faller anyway, why not go down with style?

    Jemi - One of my best friends loves flip flops more than any other shoe. I love her despite this flaw. ;)

    Jinxie - I haven't broken my neck because I've perfected the Stop, Drop, and Roll technique.

    A.Grey - I concede that I purchased el cheapo flip flops. I couldn't stand spending money on something I really didn't want to wear.

    Shawna - If I'm ever arrested, the police with have much more than my stilettos to confiscate. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like bare feet. Sneakers if I must wear something. Either way, I'm an unstoppable assassin. Especially if I'm given a sandwich. Heck, I'm invincible with a piece of bread.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is H.C. Palmquist...stupid blogger...

    Alright, trying to post a comment for the 3rd time. Let's see if it really is the charm.

    I wear stilettos to work and flip flops on most weekends, so I'm fully qualified to offer my scientific opinion. Stilettos look fantastic and I always get compliments on them, however, I've never had a flip flop get caught in a sidewalk crack and get left behind as I strut. What? I strut...not much else you can do in a 4 inch pair of heels. On the other hand, I don't scheme and plot my next flip flop purchase, whereas I start planning my stiletto procurements a good month in advance.

    Stilettos inspire the soul while flip flops comfort the sole.

    Oh, and Shawna? *I'M* the reason cops confiscate stilettos.

    ReplyDelete

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