Monday, August 16, 2010

Behold! My Hypnotic Domination-inator!

1. I survived last week's foray into corporate training fun.

2. The fact that I got along well with my roommate helped tremendously.

3. Despite (or maybe because of) the fact that she liked to sniff Expo markers and refused to wear pants.

4. I have to clarify that statement (for her sake) by saying that while she didn't wear pants, she did wear skirts.

5. Very modest skirts.

6. I still promised her I'd call her the Expo-Sniffing Pantless Wonder on my blog.

7. I once had an apartment-mate in college who wore clogs.

8. And nothing else.

9. Every morning.

10. And she liked to pace up and down the hall while the rest of us slept, slapping her clogs against the linoleum floor and daring us to get mad enough to poke our heads out of our doors to be treated to an eye-full of HOLY COW PUT THAT AWAY BEFORE I'M TRAUMATIZED BEYOND RECOVERY.

11. Speaking of eyes, I had my annual check up with the eye dr on Friday.

12. You'll recall the last time I was in, he rolled my eyelid up with a stick, prompting me to gag vociferously and accidentally (I swear it! Maybe!) kick him in the shins.

13. He approached me with caution this time.

14. Actually, he insulted my awesome gag-and-kick abilities by opening the office door, looking at me, and laughing before I even had a chance to threaten his lower extremities with the pointy end of my shoe.

15. The exam itself went well. Mostly because he didn't show me any gross inside-the-eye pictures or haul out any sticks.

16. Then we started discussing new contacts. He said he had some contacts that would make it so I didn't need reading glasses anymore. I told him in no uncertain terms that since I was the girl who knocked herself silly by WALKING INTO A TREE, wearing bifocal contact lenses was a prescription for almost immediate death.

17. He told me they weren't bifocals. They were contacts with CONCENTRIC RINGS OF POWER.

18. He had me at hello.

19. Yes, dear reader, I am now wearing CONCENTRIC RINGS OF POWER. Look into my eyes if you dare.

20. World domination, here I come.

21. And because she was fun and thought my particular brand of weird was enjoyable, I may make the Expo-sniffing Pantless Wonder my first lieutenant.


  1. CJ, you are the best start to Monday. I laughed my way through this whole post.

  2. I quake in fear at your CONCENTRIC RINGS OF POWER-OWER-OWER.

    (This is Myra, btw.)

  3. Concentric rings of power? I think more than your roommate was sniffing the Expo markers. Seriously. I think everything after #3 was an Inception-like dream.

    That, or I've fallen under the Concentric Rings of Power's spell...

  4. Lol, Pamela! Here's a link so you can see my brain has yet to be hijacked by idea thieves!

  5. Ho. Lee. Crap. Balls.

    What will they think of next?

  6. I LOVE my contacts too - although mine apparently aren't concentric rings, but wiggly waves of power. Whatever... they rock!

  7. *Wails and great gnashing of teeth I thought I was your lieutenant? I even became a weretoad and everything *sniff

    I love your monday lists. Thanks for making the week start out and glad that your Concentric Rings of Power has brought back your mighty powers of writing.

    PS I never figured out how to make a d&^% twitpic link. Do you want baby blue/pink flower, bright fall colors bridge, or rich greens/blues stream landscape pic for your fundraiser? I will send you at least five signed/numbered pics. Will try to get them out today if you see this and tell me what you want :D

  8. Leona, a true Empress Over All needs more than one lieutenant! And anyone who can command an army of weretoads has a permanent place by my side.

    Will email re: pictures.

  9. Now I HAVE to visit the eye doctor. Not just because my contacts are no longer working in the realm of making-it-possible-for-me-to-see-clearly. Of course, that could just be the scented marker sniffing I've been doing in training at work. (black is the best next to yellow)

  10. Ah-HA!

    Just wanted to flaunt that blogger and I have patched things up and decided to give it another try. I think it was my threatening to take half of blogger's 401k in the settlement.


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