Monday, February 28, 2011

I've Tased It One Too Many Times



1. I must confess that nothing in the following post will have anything to do with the picture I used.

2. I just couldn't resist the awesomeness.

3. I'll start today's list with a comment on the strange philosophy boys have toward personal hygiene and clothing.

4. My teenager is exempt from the following commentary because he's recently been awakened to the fact that GIRLS like cleanliness and clothing that hasn't been worn for a month.

5. My other two boys could care less.

6. I force them to shower, I insist they use soap, and I check their teeth daily because if I don't, I fear the CDC will show up at my home and quarantine us all.

7. I also watch their clothing for signs they've worn it too many days in a row. They act like it's the end of the world when I hand them a fresh pair of jeans and insist the pair they're wearing deserves a decent burial in our back yard, but they change their pants.

8. I've recently realized, however, that I need x-ray vision to assess the full scope of the problem.

9. Because it turns out they change their pants far more often than they change their underpants.

10. How is this possible, you ask, if I make them shower on a regular basis?

11. Yesterday, I made Starshine take a shower. He took off his clothes, bathed, used soap, got out of the shower, and then proceeded to PUT ON THE SAME PAIR OF UNDERWEAR HE JUST TOOK OFF.

12. When I informed him he needed a fresh pair of underwear, he looked mystified and said, "But these are clean. I just put them on three days ago."

13. ..........

14. Which explains why I have to approach my laundry pile armed with mace and a taser.

15. However, what confuses me the most is the fact that if left to their own devices, my children wouldn't wear clothing at all.

16. The other morning, Starshine came downstairs for breakfast sans clothing. When I insisted he get some clothes on before he could have his oatmeal, he put on his father's coat and sat at the dining room table.

17. I asked him if he was naked beneath the coat. He said no. He had skin on.

18. I caved and served him his oatmeal.

19. And last night, Daredevil got out of his mom-enforced shower and sauntered out of the bathroom (the one attached to my bedroom) buck naked. No towel. No old underwear. Nothing.

20. He saw me sitting on the bed and exclaimed, "Don't look!"

21. To which I replied, "Wouldn't it just be easier to put some clothes on?"

22. And he said, in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice, "Why? You can just shut your eyes."

23. Some days I begin to feel like maybe I'm the one who's crazy around here.

24. I realize most of this post has been talk of nekkid children and underwear that qualifies as a weapon of mass destruction.

25. But, yanno, that sort of sums up my life.

26. On the writing side of things, I realized after I finished the first third of TCD that it might possibly be a story that needs to be told from dual first person POVs. A chapter or two from the heroine and a chapter or two from the hero etc.

27. This means I spent most of last week going back over the first third to change chapters into the hero's POV.

28. I'm frustrated at the lack of forward progress, though I'm still in good shape to make my deadline, and now I'm so close to the story, I can't tell if the dual POV is working or if I've tased one too many piles of laundry and can no longer be trusted to make good story-telling decisions.

29. I have some trusted CPs (critique partners) on it and expect a verdict soon.

30. This weekend, I'm attending my local RWA chapter's retreat. Apparently, I'll be doing karaoke. No, I don't think there will be video. If there is, I have minions who can take care of that.

31. Check back in on Wednesday when the Were-llama of Awesomesauce takes on urban fantasy author Jill Myles. It's funny. Trust me.

32. And now I'm off to do another load of laundry.

33. Do try to contain your shock.

6 comments:

  1. You realize by mentioning the possibility of a video, I'm now obligated to bring a video camera, right? :-P

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel your pain. I don't have quite your problems with nudity but my boys will spend the entire weekend walking around in boxers that they may or may not have been wearing all week. I try not to pay too much attention to their underwear as they walk by but only 3-4 pairs get washed a week. (2 boys x 7 days should = 14). My 14-year-old has discovered showering but his 10-year-old brother still doesn't believe in shampoo. I know he's at least using soap because there are designs carved in it when he exits the shower. I guess I should be thankful I don't need a taser to do the laundry. Of course, now I'm scared as to what could be living in their room!

    ReplyDelete
  3. @wendy I heart you *G* and can I just say that as one of her minions who may be pressed into service in destroy said video, I'm still delighted it's being made. I'll probably sneak a peak first. What? Why? I have to make sure we're destroying the right video right?

    I don't know what it is about boys. I have four. I have TONS of laundry to do. I have finally figured out how this happens since they suffer from the same lackadaisal attitude toward clean clothes, including underwear (if they weary any!!!!) that yours do. I'm washing their clean clothes over and over. I've even had to wash clothes that are STILL FOLDED because by the time I find them, they now smell like dirty laundry. EW! LOL

    I love your lists :) they really make my day...

    ReplyDelete
  4. First - that cartoon is hilarious.

    Now, on to the stench...

    BOYS ARE SO GROSS.

    I just discovered my bf has unbelievably foul body odor. I know, after 2.5 years you'd think I'd know this. But he's been diligent about putting on deodorant and appearing like a normal guy. He let that lapse and spent a day working on the car. When I approached the laundry...let's just say I wish I had the foresight to bring my mace.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I so love that picture, CJ.

    And I agree, there will be no videoing of anything. Think about it. The retreat is in the woods. The deep, dark woods. With no cell reception and lots of land to hide bodie...I mean recording equipment. Lots of land to hide recording equipment.

    *whistles while walking away slowly*

    ReplyDelete

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