Winner of the Kris Kennedy Giveaway!

Thank you for being so patient with me as I spent the week in the land of corporate training without even a decent wireless signal to light my way. It's past time to give a signed copy of THE IRISH WARRIOR away!

*drum roll please*

And the winner is Diane Garner! Diane, please leave your email in the comment trail so I can contact you and send you your prize!

Thanks for reading.

Heeellllooooo??

Yes, I'm still alive. Sort of. I'm out of town for the week doing a stint of corporate training for my job and have extremely unreliable internet service. Never fear! I shall be back to blogging (including announcing the Kris Kennedy winner and sharing at story you'll probably wish I'd kept to myself) Thursday evening when I get home.

See you then!

Interview With Author Kris Kennedy

I met Kris Kennedy in the spring of 2008 when we were both Golden Heart finalists. I was quickly impressed with her intelligence, friendliness, and generosity. Once her first book hit the shelves (remember last week's deliciously medieval THE CONQUEROR?), I was impressed with her talent as well. Her writing is rich in historical yumminess, her plot grabs you from the first page, and her characters are people you love spending 300 pages with. When I learned her second novel was coming out this month, I couldn't wait to have her on the blog!

Here's a peek at THE IRISH WARRIOR:

Inhibited, accountant-minded Senna de Valery comes to Ireland to finalize a deal that will save her faltering wool business. What she gets instead is a cunning English lord with dangerous ulterior motives.

Forced to rely on her wits, not her ledgers, Senna frees an Irish warrior chained in the prisons, and together they flee across the war-torn land of medieval Ireland. But Finian O’Melaghlin is much more than a charming, roguish warrior. He is councilor to his king, on a grave mission to recover military secrets, and has a dangerous agenda of his own.

Neither is prepared for the powerful forces arrayed against them …

Neither can resist the fiery passion igniting between them …

Neither can imagine the sacrifices they will face, nor the choices they will be forced to make …

King and outlaws, weapons and war: Can love indeed triumph over all?

Kris chose to be interviewed by the always dashing Captain Jack Sparrow.

Captain Jack Sparrow



Kris Kennedy



Now that you know who's who, let's dive into the interview and reveal the awesome cupcake my hubby made for Kris. (He thanks Kris for the fantastically simple concept she gave him!) Since her latest novel is called THE IRISH WARRIOR, he made a cupcake fit for an Irish warrior. Without further ado, I give you the cupcake and Kris's interview with Captain Jack.



1. Would you classify yourself as a pirate or a member of Her Majesty¹s
Royal navy? Why?

Oh, dear. Are you going to be black-and-white about things the whole
interview? Umm. Bearing in mind the fact that I get terribly, vomitous-ly
seasick, which would be bad for whomever¹s side I'm on, and good for the
opposing team, I'd have to choose . . . pirates. Sorry, Jack.


2. Am I to understand you chose pirates because you actually sympathize with the navy and plan to use your delicate digestive system as a weapon against us? *shakes head* Bad form, my dear. *hands you a bucket* What¹s your favorite thing to do in Tortuga?

Well, clearly, sweat. But it's the why that matters . . . :)


3. One can only hope you refer to an activity slightly more agreeable than copious vomiting. If so, I offer myself at your service. I'm offering you free passage aboard my ship to anywhere in the world. Where shall we go, love? Besides the privvy.

Let's go check out all the sea caves of the world! And then, let's anchor
in real close to some of the best smuggling shores in England and Ireland,
because I have an upcoming story about that. You can show me all those
places, right? And you will, right? Because I can . . . sweat.


4. Darling, anyone who longs to spend time with smugglers can't possibly be overly sympathetic to the navy. Who is the hero of your story most like: me (savvy, debonair, and unquestionably smooth with the ladies), the insufferably honorable Will Turner, or that deceptive little minx Elizabeth?

Ohh, Finian is a little of both. I call him a 'good alpha.' He's super
charming, teases the heroine quite a bit, but, unfortunately for you, Jack,
he's honorable too. I say unfortunately, because you do NOT want to meet him
in a sword fight.

5. My dear, I don't want to meet anyone in a sword fight. There are so many more interesting ways to pass the time. Speaking of which. Rum? Or more rum?

More wine! More beer! No Rum!

Seriously, Jack, you are happy I¹m saying this. Me + Rum is another
vomitous proposition. Anyhow, it leaves more for you. See, I'm generous
like that.

6. I see. In that case, no rum for you! Which leads me to the age old question: Why is the rum always gone?

Clearly, you drank it all. Has no one ever told you that before?

7. You may be right. Or that wicked little pirate Elizabeth may have had an inescapable craving for s'mores and needed a bonfire for her marshmallows. What's the most piratish thing you've ever done?

Hmm, pirates steal things, right? I don't have anything there . . . Are we
talking daring and derring-do too, though? If so . . .I took a cross-country trip on my own the year before I graduated from college. Six weeks, all across the country. Yes I had my car (for part of the time) but it was all me and the open road. It was incredible. Many adventures.

Hey! One of those adventures was . . . gathering gemstones!! Like for a
treasure chest. That makes me a para-pirate, right?


8. There's no such thing as a para-pirate, love. You're either a rogue at heart or you aren't. Despite your vomitous proclivities, I sense a rogue in you. Here's a nice little test. Are they rules? Or more like guidelines?

LOL. Jack, for you, they're merely suggestions. Possibilities.


9. More like pesky annoyances I use when it suits me. I understand you're a story-teller. Any undead monkeys in your stories?

Wow. No, I hadn¹t thought of that. See how hanging with a pirate expands
your horizons? I¹ll have to try and work one in . . .

In The Irish Warrior, though, there are mysterious ancient dyes, more
precious than the Tyrian purple of the ancient world, and they're worth a
man's life, literally. The Wishme dyes have multiple militaristic
capabilities. They are beautiful weapons.

10. Am I to understand you're comparing dyes to undead monkeys? I have to tell you, having lived with one, I strongly suggest you proceed with caution in your plan to include one in your next story. They're devilish little creatures. Any curses? Heartless monsters? Irritating women who insist on taking matters into their own hands?

Ha. Yes to all three.

Check: Curses, although they are more like . . . suggestions. To stay away
from the Wishme dyes. And from the dye-witches (Not a real witch, btw. Not
paranormal-ly Urban Fantasy witchery. Just a person who has this coveted
dye-making skill)

Check: Heartless monsters, except he's a man. The villain. And he actually
DID have a heart, once, but it got all stomped on, and anyhow, it was partly
decaying, so there was no hope. (We're speaking metaphorically here,
Jack. No dead monkeys or decaying beating hearts.)

Check: Self-directed women. Oh, wait, did you say irritating? Hmmm,
well, at one point, Finian the hero has his hand clamped over the heroine¹s
mouth and asks her, "Can ye not hush for a single second?" Then he kisses
her. :) And another time he says she¹s like a spring wind, she just
keeps pushing. So, you mean, like that?


11. Aye, like that. I find myself in sympathy with your Finian. Oft times kissing a woman is the only way to shut her up. It's most unfortunate the pretty creatures usually see fit to apply the flat of their hand to the side of my face once I've successfully silenced them. One of my favorite words is "egregious." Care to share one of yours, love?

Two words: Your Choice. And Your Consequences. Oh, wait. How many words is
that?


12. I'm not overly fond of the word "consequences." Parlay? Or draw your sword?

It totally depends. But for me, well, parlay first. Because Jack, the rest
of us have to live with these people later. You get to sail away on your
Pearl. We land-lubbers have added incentive to parlay.


13. Understood, love. You've got a crowd of cursed sailors and a nasty sea monster on your trail. How do you escape?

Holy cow. I steal your ship.


14. Slander and calumny! Blasphemy! Steal my ship and I'll hunt you down, woman or not. And, I'd bring one very undead monkey along for the ride. And you said you weren't a pirate. Romantic night in? Or adventure on the high seas?

Let's do . . . adventure.


15. Brave woman to risk the contents of her stomach like that. You're welcome aboard, of course, but don't even think about laying one pretty finger on my ship's rudder. My personal motto is: Take what you want, give nothing back. What's yours?

Wow, Jack. That's harsh. You're living the life you intend to live. So
start intending bigger, better things right now.

Thanks Jack!!! I¹ll give you a book, if you promise to read it, and
also I'll give away a book to one reader, k?



Thanks for the awesome interview, Kris! And for writing such delicious medievals. Speaking of delicious medievals, the fun isn't over yet!

Kris's Giveaway:

One lucky reader will win a signed copy of THE IRISH WARRIOR!! Here's how to enter.

1. Earn entries:

*Comment on this post with a question or comment for Kris = 1 entry

*Be a follower of this blog = 2 entries

*Tweet the link to this interview = 3 entries (Use @cjredwine or leave url to tweet in your comment so I can see it.)

*Post a link on your Facebook page = 3 entries (Leave the link in your comment.)

*Post the contest on your blog = 3 entries (Include link in your comment.)


2. Tally it up: Please tally up your entries and leave the total in your comment.


3. Check back: The contest is open until 8 p.m. Saturday, June 12th. Please check back to see if you've won and to claim your prize.


Good luck to all and happy reading!

Memphis! Hot Dang!

1. Hubby and I spent the weekend in Memphis on a press junket for TNT's new show Memphis Beat.

2. The up side? I got to spend a kid-free weekend w/my hubby on someone else's dime and met Jason Lee and Alfre Woodard (who grabbed me while I was sitting at our table on our dinner cruise and pulled me onto the dance floor with her).

3. The UP side? We took an accidental scenic tour through a less-than-polished side of Memphis and I took notes on everything I saw just so I could bring you this blog post.

4. But first, Graceland. We spent a chunk of Saturday morning taking a VIP tour of Graceland, and it was interesting. I don't know that I'm totally down with green shag carpet on the ceiling or furniture that looks like a giant shaggy squirrel donated its coat and then industriously carved up the armrests with evil intentions, but it was very interesting to see how he lived. One of the members of his entourage (Jerry somebody) met us there and talked to us for a while about Elvis as a friend which helped us connect to him more as a man than as a superstar.

5. We stayed at The Peabody hotel, home of DUCKS. You'll remember Holly's Revision Duck Mafia, yes? So, naturally, when I walked into our room and found ducks on the coasters, the shampoo bottles, the pillow cases, and even a mini duck-shaped soap waiting for me on the bathroom counter, I had a moment of "Noooo! I thought my revisions were finished!" Holly assures me the Peabody ducks are too soft to be members of her mafia, but I saw them race out of the elevator and head toward the fountain in the lobby and I'm here to tell you, one of them was nothing but ATTITUDE.

6. Now, for the things I saw while on a scenic detour through Memphis.

7. A tiny little shack of a beauty salon with a sign proclaiming it to be "House of Elegance."

8. Another hair salon called "Rose's Hair Port."

9. And my personal fave, a store called "Lila's Final Touch." I guess Lila isn't the kind of woman you want to have on your bad side.

10. All of these original business names were located in the same strip mall or directly across the street from it.

11. Also? Next to the Shack, er, House of Elegance, there was a dollar store advertising "Real, 100% human hair!" I really don't want to know what state the hair is in. I'm betting you get what you pay for.

12. But all of that... the hair port, the $1 human hair, and Lila the Grim Reaper didn't add up to the sheer awesomeness of the billboard I saw while entering this side of Memphis.

13. The billboard advertised a club whose main attraction is "Hot Dang Bull Riding!"

14. Don't think that phrase of pure genius isn't going into the next Lilli book.

15. Hot dang!

17. Later this week, Captain Jack interviews historical author Kris Kennedy writer of the (deliciously medieval) THE CONQUEROR, and I reluctantly confess to one of the worst decisions of my life. Yes, pizza was involved. As was cat litter. You'll have to tune in to see how the two connect.

Winner of Barbara Poelle's Giveaway!

As always, I used random.org to determine the winner of the Barbara Poelle giveaway. Thanks to all who entered!

The Daring Novelist is our winner. Congratulations! You've won a copy of the (deliciously medieval) THE CONQUEROR and a 10 page mss critique from Barbara! Please leave your email addy for me in the comments, and I'll get in touch with you re: claiming your prize.

Thanks for reading!

Interview With Barbara Poelle

Barbara Poelle is a literary agent with the Irene Goodman Agency and is the person responsible for bringing us the delicious medieval romance whose gorgeous cover you see to the right. I met Barbara when the RWA national conference was in San Francisco in 2008. She was lunching with my friend and fellow Pixie Kris Kennedy (who is responsible for writing the delicious medieval romance to the right!) in the same sports bar as my current lunch mates and me. (Of all the sports bars in San Francisco, she had to walk into mine...) Kris grabbed me and introduced us.

Thankfully, I hadn't consumed too much caffeine at lunch or that spontaneous conversation could very well have ended with my name on the HOLY COW DON'T ENGAGE THIS GIRL IN CONVERSATION IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE list at the Irene Goodman Agency. Barbara was enthusiastic, friendly, and even in a short conversation, exuded the kind of savvy, smart, go-for-the-throat business sense she's known for. (This assessment had NOTHING to do with the fact that she requested my manuscript during this convo.) In the time since that meeting, I've come to enjoy and admire Barbara even more, so when I was lining up interviews for the blog, naturally I had to issue her an invitation!

Here's a peek at THE (deliciously medieval) CONQUEROR:

England, 1152. Henry II is king. The country is wracked by bloody civil war. Griffyn Sauvage is a valiant knight with a strict moral code of honour. But when his family's estate and vast treasures are seized, he becomes hardened by the betrayal. Now he will go to any lengths for vengeance - even if it means forming a union with his most despised enemy by marrying his daughter, Lady Guinevere de l'Ami. Then, Griffyn lays eyes on Gwyn and is completely disarmed. As war strikes, Gwyn is left alone to fight her enemies who want control of her ancestral lands. When Griffyn comes to her rescue, she is grateful that the mysterious, brave knight has risked his life to protect hers. With each passing day, she finds herself drawn to him even as she senses he's hiding a dark secret from her. And when another dangerous adversary closes in on both of them, Griffyn and Gwyn's trust in each other will be put to the ultimate test.

Barbara chose to be interviewed by the Were-llama himself.

The Were-llama



Barbara Poelle (aka Beeshark)



Now that you know who's who, it's time to dive into the interview and reveal the amazing cupcake my hubby made for Barbara. Barbara told me she adores the Beeshark (And who wouldn't? Look at his pic!) and wanted his likeness immortalized in cupcake form. Always up to a challenge (Although he did have a "Bee-what???" moment at first ... sort of like his "But what does a Kitten of Doom look like??" reaction to Holly's cupcake request. Lit agents might be the death of him.), my hubby stepped up to the plate and proved once again he is the Cupcake Master. So, without further ado, I give you the cupcake and Barbara's interview with the Were-llama.



1. So, you’re a writer. I’m a super-scary shape-shifter who can command obedience with the awesome power of my glowing red eyes. What do we have in common?

WELL, I'M NOT A WRITER, I'M AN AGENT, SO APPARENTLY WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON IS VODKA BEFORE NOON. AND OF COURSE, A DEEP AND UNABIDING LOVE FOR THE DELICIOUS ROMANCE NOVEL THE CONQUEROR BY KRIS KENNEDY.

2. Vodka before noon? Light weight. I can drink vodka from three in the morning until midnight and never miss an opportunity to slay an opponent. I like to spit at my enemies from whichever end is closest to them. Do any of your characters have cool abilities like that?

WELL, MY CLIENTS CAN MAKE ME HAVE A SPONTANEOUS PAVLOVIAN DROOL REACTION WHEN I READ THEIR WORK, SO WE ARE BOTH KINDA SLOBBERY.

3. I beg your pardon. I do not slobber. I spart. If I had a nickname, it would be The Awesome. You?

GENTLE LOTUS FLOWER OF PEACE. (MY HUSBAND JUST FELL OFF OF A CHAIR SOMEWHERE)

4. Gentle? Flower? Peace? Maybe you need to lay off the vodka. Besides, everyone knows true peace will only happen when every living creature gives in to the power of my awesome red eyes. I hang around this blog because I love stories. What’s your story about? Bonus points if it includes a llama.

WELL, IN FACT, IT DOES. BECAUSE WHEN I WAS 18 MY BFF BOUGHT ME A SPONSOR-A-LLAMA IN PORTUGAL THAT PROVIDES FUR FOR CLOTHING FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR. HIS NAME IS PETER. AND I MADE SURE TO TELL THEM TO LOCK HIM UP UNDER THE FULL MOON.

5. You named a llama Peter? And gave humans permission to regularly strip him of his fur? *glares with awesome red eyes* You’re making me a cake worthy of my awesome Were-llama status and decorating it to represent your story. What does it look like?

IT'S A CUPCAKE CAKE. FOUR CUPCAKES, EACH TOPPED WITH A BEAUTIFUL SWEATERS, ONE FOR EACH FAMILY MEMBER, EACH KNITTED WITH CARE IN CULTURALLY-APPROPRIATE PATTERN USING TECHNIQUES PASSED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS. AND A FIFTH CUPCAKE, WITH A VERY NAKED AND DISGRUNTLED PETER.

6. Llamas are fierce, predatory creatures. Even transforming one of us into Naked Peter won't stop our awesomeness. Recognize. Any Were-llamas in your book?

WHILE I REPRESENT A NUMBER OF UNDEAD AND HINKY TYPES INCLUDING THE 2011 RELEASE OF THE ZOMBIE DEBUT AFTERTIME BY SOPHIE CRANE AND THE DELICIOUSLY HAUNTING YA WITHER BY LAUREN DESTEFANO, UNFORTUNATELY MY LIST IS TERRIBLY LACKING IN WERE-LLAMAS. WHEN I GET SAD THINKING LIKE THIS, I KNOW THE BEST THING FOR ME IS A SPICY ROMANCE BY KRIS KENNEDY LIKE THE CONQUEROR.

7. Any book titled THE CONQUEROR must surely have a were-llama within its pages. Who else would be doing the conquering? Anyone you know who might be a Were-llama and you just haven’t figured it out yet?

KRIS KENNEDY HAS VERY SILKY HAIR. I'M NOT SAYIN, I'M JUST SAYIN.

8. Well, naturally. Who else could write THE CONQUEROR? Llamas or camels and why? Think carefully.

LLAMAS, THERE IS NOTHING LIKE LIGHT WEIGHT ALPACA FUR ON CHILLY FALL NIGHT IN CENTRAL PARK.

9. You seem obsessed with stripping llamas. I defy you to come over here and try to strip me. It would be the last thing you ever did. I give you a baby Were-llama as a companion. What do you name her? ... Say Naked Peter and I shall terminate both the interview and you.

FAST EDDIE


10. Wise girl. My favorite word is “awesome” because, yanno, look at me. What’s yours?

SOLD

11. As a young Were-llama, I dreamt of taking over the eastern seaboard one face full of spit at a time. What did you dream of doing when you were young?

GETTING A PICTURE RUBBING THE CONICAL NOSE OF A GREAT WHITE BEE-SHARK.

12. The bee-shark seems a fierce beast nearly as awesome as a were-llama. Nearly. Cake or cookies?

NEVER CAKE. CAKE IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS.

13. Do you share chocolate?

AT GUNPOINT

14. Or when I compel you to with the awesome power of my glowing red eyes. The Zombie Goat invasion is upon us. How will you fight them off?

WELL, WITH THOSE JANKY BELLS THEY WEAR, I WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR THEM COMING, SO I AIN'T SCARED.


Thank you, Barbara, for such a fun interview! And for making sure delicious books like THE CONQUEROR make it onto our book store shelves. To learn more about Barbara, visit her agency site or check in with her every Tuesday on the Hey There's A Dead Guy In The Living Room blog. Of course, the fun isn't over yet!

Barbara's Giveaway:

One lucky commenter will win a 10 page critique (if you're a writer) and a copy of THE CONQUEROR! Here's how to enter:

1. Earn entries:

*Comment on this post with a question or comment for Barbara = 1 entry

*Be a follower of this blog = 2 entries

*Tweet the link to this interview = 3 entries (Use @cjredwine or leave url to tweet in your comment so I can see it.)

*Post the contest on your blog = 3 entries (Include link in your comment.)


2. Tally it up: Please tally up your entries and leave the total in your comment.


3. Check back: The contest is open until 8 p.m. Sunday, June 6th. Please check back to see if you've won and to claim your prize.


Good luck to all and happy reading!

Camels, Slingshots, & the Grand Canyon

This pic is a t-shirt recently offered on woot.com, and I laughed myself stupid when Clint shared it with me.

What I'm listening to right now: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

1. The more exposure I have to the general public, the more I subscribe to the belief that certain gene pools could use a bit more chlorine.

2. Yesterday, Clint, Starshine and I went to the Renaissance Festival. As we were walking past a large corral where little lords and ladies could take a ride on a camel for the bargain price of $5, a teenage girl behind me said to her boyfriend, "Oh, those poor camels! They must be so hot out in the sun! I bet they wish they could just stay in the shade."

3. Her boyfriend agreed.

4. Is it possible we have a generation of kids who have no clue about a camel's natural habitat? I mean, Tennessee gets hot, yes, but we've got nothing on the desert.

5. On a side note, I could smell that camel looooooong before I saw him. I wonder if the camel has any natural predators? If so, I bet copious lack of personal hygiene is a pretty strong defense.

6. While at the Festival, I wandered into a tent with gorgeous artwork. Dragons, castles, mythical creatures...right up my alley. The artist was one of the four who was commissioned by the Tolkien family to do artwork on LOTR. He drew (among other things) the Eye of Sauron. I found a fascinating gargoyle pic I simply had to own. Ten seconds of staring at it and I had the beginnings of a really cool story in my head.

7. The artist autographed the pic for me. As we chatted, I confessed I'd always wished I could draw but just didn't have the talent. He looked like I'd just told him I had four days to live. I saw the moment he was going to give me the "Everyone can be taught to draw passably well" speech I've heard so many times before. I hastened to assure him that a) I really had all the drawing talent of a piece of gravel and b) this didn't bother me because I more than made up for it with story telling ability.

8. He was somewhat mollified, but I think he still felt I probably had latent, undiscovered artistic ability somewhere inside me. He needs to spend five minutes watching me try to do arts and crafts, and he'll be cured of that notion.

9. We spent Saturday at the local water park hanging in the wave pool, floating down the lazy river, and playing mini-golf.

10. Again, mass exposure to the general public did nothing to dissuage my growing belief that a Zombie Apocalypse might be a good thing.

11. Women: There comes a point in most of our lives when we must embrace the concept of a one piece bathing suit. Naturally, there are exceptions to this *coughAngelinaJoliecough*, but I didn't see a single exception this weekend. I saw a lot of HOLY COW PUT THAT AWAY BEFORE SOMEONE LOSES AN EYE, and I doubt any of those women wanted that kind of reaction when they crammed themselves into bikinis several sizes too small.

12. Men: You have a drawstring. This means you have OPTIONS. There's no need to wear your suit so low you walk around looking for all the world like a damp plumber. And GOD FORBID you squat down to pick up a child. No one came to see the Grand Canyon.

13. This weekend, I stopped Starshine as he was walking out the door with a handful of brightly colored items. On closer inspection, I realized he was an armload of my bras.

Me: What are you doing with my bras?

Starshine: These aren't bras. They're slingshots.

I vetoed the plan (and avoided any more pesky phone calls from my neighbors. "Did you know your son is spraying the driveway with black spray paint?" "Are you aware your boys are throwing the contents of their room out a hole in their window screen?" "YOUR BOYS ARE HAVING A PEEING CONTEST OFF YOUR BACK DECK DO SOMETHING NOW OH MY POOR EYES.") and sent him back upstairs to put my unmentionables back where they belonged, all the while refusing to consider how many times he may have raided my drawers without my knowledge.

Although, given some of the things I saw at the water park, he's not the only one who believes Victoria's Secret sells slingshots.

14. Tune in tomorrow when the Were-llama interviews the savvy and hilarious Barbara Poelle, lit agent with the Irene Goodman Agency. She's giving away books!