Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Well, I Feel Safer

Yesterday, my dad flew out from California to visit. My dad, as anyone who's kept up with this blog now knows, is the MASTER PACKER. Often, this skill involves the use of unusual containers to accomplish his mission.

My dad is also a gardener and, being from central California, has an amazing crop of boysenberries this year.

I love boysenberries.

I don't grow berries. I don't grow anything. I kill plants on a regular basis. I walk by potted plants in the supermarket and they cringe in terror.

My dad decided to bring some berries to me.

This is not easily done on a long flight.

The MASTER PACKER kicked into high gear and formulated a plan. He froze bags of berries and searched for a container that would keep them relatively cool and stop any leakage.

He found his answer in a large empty plastic cat litter bucket, complete with lid. Yes, my parents save these. Yes, he washed it first. He labeled the outside "Frozen boysenberries. Keep cool." I think he assumes more care of his checked baggage than is actually available to him, but maybe that's just me.

So, he arrives at the airport and has to check his bags. One suitcase. Check. One garment bag. Check. One cat litter pail. Problem.

SECURITY GUY: What do you need cat litter for?

MASTER PACKER: You need me to explain how to use cat litter?

SECURITY GUY: Is this used?

MASTER PACKER: Used? You think I'm travelling with used cat litter?

SECURITY GUY: You can't check used cat litter.

MASTER PACKER: That's reassuring. But if you would just read the front -

SECURITY GUY: Says cat litter right here.

MASTER PACKER: Other side.

SECURITY GUY: You packing berries in cat litter?

MASTER PACKER: Of course not.

SECURITY GUY: But it says cat litter.

MASTER PACKER: I realize that. It's just an empty container -

SECURITY GUY: What do you want to check an empty container for?

MASTER PACKER: No! I mean it was an empty container and I packed frozen berries inside.

SECURITY GUY: Let's see it.

MASTER PACKER: *opens lid to display top layer of frozen berries*

SECURITY GUY: I see. Okay. That's fine.

Now, obvious "Who's on first, what's on second" issues aside, this security guy never even lifted the top layer of berries to see what was underneath. Could have been anything.

A bomb. A rogue copy of O.J. Simpson's stupid book. Used cat litter.

Anything.

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