Last night, like every Friday night, Mal and I closed down Cracker Barrel together. As usual, we'd had a few small skirmishes throughout the night - this time started by Mal who threw a wad a paper at me AND then threw ice down the front of my shirt within just a few minutes of starting our shift.
Naturally I did not let that go unchallenged. = )
However, we called a truce after about an hour and all was peaceful.
Until...
We took our dinner break around 10 pm. I can't remember how it started because we enjoy conflict so much that there is rarely a noticeable break but somehow Mal said something minor that called for a small show of force and so I grabbed a spoonful of tartar sauce and aimed it at him.
He grabbed the bowl of tartar sauce and aimed right back.
I backed down. I was unequipped for that particular battle. One does not aim a peashooter at someone firing a bazooka.
However, Mal took the opportunity to say "You never think through anything" to me at that moment and I will freely admit that I saw red.
I grabbed my glass of ice but he grabbed my hands and starting talking fast, trying to get out of what was coming. I grabbed his full glass of Sprite and he started begging. Clearly he knew he'd pushed me too far. He grabbed my hands again so I let go of the glass and snatched the only weapon left to me...my fork on which was impaled a cooked carrot.
I know what you're thinking.
As far as weapons go, a cooked carrot is about as threatening as a glob of baby food or a styrofoam peanut.
I didn't care. Mal had pushed me to my limit. I flicked my wrist and hurled that cooked carrot straight at him.
Now, when this particular altercation started, Mal was eating a bite of salad. Things escalated so quickly, he hadn't had a chance to finish chewing.
My cooked carrot missile soared through the air and bounced off his Adam's apple, causing Mal to instantly begin choking on his half-chewed piece of lettuce.
It took him a while to regain his composure.
Turns out anything can be an effective weapon - it's all in the wrist.
So Mal's golden bracelets can deflect bullets but they can't stop a cooked carrot?
ReplyDeleteMal, this is what happens when you leave home without your cape.
Pfft. Lucky shot. Lucky for you, you're not working tonight. If I hadn't wanted my medium rare steak so bad, I would have flung it at your face and you know it. Sorry, I don't aim to kill my friends, unlike some people...*cough cough*
ReplyDeleteNah. It was fun. I will admit.
Mayberry, do you sew and cook? I actually need a new cape if you could hand craft me one, and maybe while youre at it, cook me some carrots, sharp pointed please.
ReplyDeleteBe careful or you'll get a carrot too. =)
Pfft right back at you, Mal. As it happens, I DO sew and I COULD make you a fetching little cape to go with those pink tights BUT you'd have to hunt me down first...
ReplyDeleteAs for cooking - unless it comes in a take-out bag, I don't cook.
I swear Mal and C.J. have the most entertaining things happen around them...
ReplyDeleteIt's all Mal's fault, actually. As I'm sure you can tell from this blog, nothing remotely entertaining or interesting ever happens around me.
ReplyDeleteIt has to be Mal.
Who else could earn the moniker Wonder Woman, have the internet community offering him a fetching cape and tights to wear, but still be brought down by a little cooked carrot?
Life is always interesting around Mal.
The carrot was a mere distraction. It was the lettuce lodged in my throat dealing the damage.
ReplyDeleteMayberry, if I give you my address could you mail me the cape ASAP? I feel naked without it, and obvisouly Im less frightening since PEOPLE think they can get away with chucking veggies at me.
And if you think my near death is entertaining, you've all just added your own names on my hit list! =D
Sooo ya know, it's funny. When I read these blogs and see that there are like a bazillion comments on them, I know that it's more, er.... "smack talking" if you will? Going on... it's like an extended blog almost!
ReplyDeleteYou two are a great inspiration for potential injuries I can inflict on L.C.
ReplyDelete*Grins*
Katy
Opal - I haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about. = ) I certainly never endorse nor do I practice the art of "smack-talk". I simply state the unadulterated truth and occasionally people (like Mal) don't like it. ; )
ReplyDeleteKaty - is this a case of art imitating life? If L.C. is injured by flying produce, I want credit in the acknowledgements. = )
*laughs* You'll get credit anyway, but yes, I'll give you double credit if I injure her with produce. (which really isn't that far out there for the poor girl!)
ReplyDeleteKaty