10 Questions Every Boy's Mother Wants Answered

1. Why do toy makers find it necessary to weld large, unbreakable plastic toys to their cardboard containers with no less than five thick, barely flexible plastic cables?

2. Why do fast food restaurants dispense ketchup to children in packets that can easily be transformed into condiment-squirting missiles with one well-placed stomp of the foot? And shouldn't a pile of extra napkins be an automatic addition to any tray bearing food for boys?

3. Why do grocery stores put delicately balanced pyramids of produce at elbow/head/shoulder reach of a 7 year old boy?

4. Why do cities make beautiful parks full of swing sets and jungle gyms and then put the one bench available for parents as far away from any semblance of shade as possible?

5. Why can't someone figure out how to produce a tube of diaper cream with a child-resistant top? Ditto for toothpaste. And shaving cream.

6. Why can't the makers of Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser turn their attention to stain removal from boys' play clothes?

7. Why doesn't some enterprising company make a Teflon spray for every surface of a young mother's home?

8. Why doesn't a box of Legos come with anything beyond a "choking hazaard" warning? Like a "could impale your foot in the middle of the night" warning? Or a " DO NOT FLUSH, might clog your toilet" warning?

9. Why do makers of ant farms and bug catchers assume a boy needs any assistance at all in bringing a collection of nasty insects into his house?

10. Why don't the makers of Febreze try their products out on the smells emanating from an average boy's room and then see if they can realistically claim to eliminate odors?