Monday, December 8, 2008

Chafing the Kiester

1. Yesterday, I learned a valuable lesson. Two, actually.

2. The first lesson: Always examine the passenger seat of my hubby's Explorer closely before sitting down.

3. Doing so will avoid the interesting predicament of having a man you don't know come up to you at church and tell you "You have a sticker on your kiester."

4. Kiester.

5. Oy.

6. I took my now sticker-less kiester into the three year olds Sunday school class we teach and learned valuable lesson numero dos: Always examine the floor in a 3 yr. old's classroom before sitting down to lead song time.

7. This cannot be over-emphasized.

8. I settled my kiester in a puddle of water. (Yes, I checked the dubious substance once I realized my error just to be sure it wasn't another, more offensive, organic substance.)

9. Of course, I didn't know I'd sat in a puddle of water until said water soaked through my heavy denim pants and rendered me damp all the way to my skin.

10. Can you say "chafe"?

11. Good times.

12. Here's a devilish little link for my fellow writers: write or die.

13. While I've yet to hear any reports of actual deaths, this program allows you to set a timer and then you must WRITE for the entire length of time you've set for yourself. If you pause too long between words, it begins to delete your words. There are different settings (from relaxed to kamikaze) and different levels of consequences (from forgiveness to pure evil) so you can customize your experience.

14. Some of us write well under pressure so this would work. Others would be reaching for Tums, Prozac, or the nearest blunt instrument.

15. I happen to be one of those (to my own surprise) who writes well under pressure.

16. Tonight my hubby and I have BOTH company Christmas parties. We'll start off in downtown Nashville and make our way south to mine after his dinner is over.

17. Hopefully, both companies will show the good sense to keep the long-winded Yay Us! speeches to a bare minimum.

18. Today I will subdue the laundry. Or burn it. One of the two.

19. Yesterday, the boys and I finished shopping for hubby's gifts. One of these years, I'll be making enough money from publishing to buy him season tickets to the Titans. Until then, he gets whatever goodies I can scrounge up from Target.

20. Reader Question: (idea shamelessly stolen from a fellow Pixie) Tell me a book (or two, three, whatever) that WOWed you in the last six months.


  1. MS Word has eaten enough of my words, thank you very much. Iz why I write most new stuff longhand in 5x8 spirals. I do many things well under pressure, but writing is not one of them.

    I can't remember reading anything in the last 6 months, which is not necessarily indicative of a lack of reading or unmemorableness of the books. I think zombies come into the house at night and suck out my brains with a straw.

  2. I've heard they use a spoon. :) I actually read next to nothing from May to October while I finished SF. Now I'm making up for lost time.

  3. As I've said on my own site, The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman is the best book I've read in ages.

  4. The one book that WOWed me this past year is "The Year of Living Biblicaly" by A.J. Jacobs. I am not sure a lot of people would like it, but I found it very interesting. Other than that I have read books for my project management classes and none of those really wowed me.

  5. Peter - I need to try his stuff. Haven't read him yet.

    PJ - How is it possible that none of the books for your project management class WOWed you? ;)

  6. The Yay Us! speech at hubby's party lasted over 2 hours. And then the lease for the banquet area ran out. Good luck!

    Jody W.


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