Saturday, January 31, 2009

How To Amuse Your Co-Workers

In 12 easy steps! For this to work, you'll need an irreverent sense of humor, an audience of three or four, and a bowl of bread pudding.

1. Discuss w/co-workers the silliness of the manager's disapproval of all anti-depressant drugs and her recent scuffle over an employee's joke to offer free Prozac to two of her friends during a particularly stressful shift.

2. Decide that since mentioning brand-name drugs is cause for getting oneself hauled into the office for the People-Don't-Need-Anti-Depressants-And-They-Aren't-Funny lecture, you should change the lingo to "my non-prescription, generic anti-depressant of choice."

3. When that gets a laugh, point to your bowl of bread pudding and proclaim it your personal non-prescription, generic anti-depressant of choice.

4. Since you've just dissected the incredibly stressful morning you all lived through, illustrate your need for your drug of choice by shoveling in an abnormally large mouthful of bread pudding.

5. Make the grave mistake of glancing at your co-workers, who are all laughing loudly.

6. Laugh.

7. Don't swallow, don't shove the bread pudding to the side of your mouth, and whatever you do, don't take the time to spit it out.

8. Just suck in the quick lungful of air required to laugh and let loose.

9. Naturally, the comedic value in this bit lies in the fact that with a mouthful of bread pudding, the only way for the air to make it to your esophagus is for the bread pudding to migrate forcefully into your nasal cavities.

10. Seeing you snort bread pudding, your non-prescription, generic anti-depressant of choice, will provide your co-workers with minutes of unbridled hilarity followed by hours of rehashing your brilliance with every co-worker who enters the building.

11. Even better if a raisin gets lodged in your sinuses.

12. Of course, too many raisins, and you'll get the privilege of sharing your comedic genius with the emergency room personnel as well.

I'm thankful I stopped at step eleven. I have enough emergency room stories, thank you very much.

Anyone want bread pudding?

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