Friday, April 24, 2009

Top Ten Reasons Hershey's Puts A "Consume In Moderation" Warning On Their Dark Chocolate

1. Death By Chocolate isn't just a fancy dessert.

2. Somebody, somewhere, sued when it was found that their copious consumption of dark chocolate was directly responsible for their fifty pound weight gain.

3. The high concentration of anti-oxidants in dark chocolate reverse the signs of aging--eat too much and you're Benjamin Button.

4. Joan Rivers eats three bars a day. (See #3 for her reason.)

5. Causes giddy euphoria directly linked to the mystifying popularity of Britney Spears, reality television starring C list has-beens, and pants with phrases embroidered across the buttocks.

6. It's a confirmed fact that substituting dark chocolate M&M's for regular M&M's during writer's sessions gave us such cinematic gems as Gigli and Glitter.

7. Reverse Psychology: Tell a woman she can't consume an entire chocolate bar in one sitting and see how long it takes her to defy you.

8. Research held in long-buried files located somewhere in Area 51 prove that excessive eating of dark chocolate transforms the consumer into a human-alien hybrid. (see #4)

9. NASA recently discovered a link between Superman's powers and an unusually high daily intake of dark chocolate.

10. Three words: Accelerate colon cleansing

And that's your Friday Top Ten list for the day, folks. Go forth and consume dark chocolate!



    Now Joan Rivers is a alien as well as a zombie goat! You could be right!

  2. I'm a milk chocolate girl. I figure, if I eat ten times as much of the light, I get all the antioxidant benefits of the dark.

    (Yes, yes, let fly with the "milk chocolate girl" jokes. Little do you know it is the literal truth and the secret to my irresistibleness.)

  3. I can barely tolerate regular chocolate, let alone DARK chocolate. Now, white chocolate, that I can do.

  4. It was some jealous lover who infiltrated the Hershey factory to print this "warning" on God's gift to women, dark chocolate. He obviously read the scientific study that showed chocolate contains "quantities of phenylethylamine, a ... neurotransmitter that creates feelings of giddiness, attraction and excitement in the brain's pleasure centre - levels peak during orgasm."
    He didn't want the competition.
    Don't believe The Man.


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