Friday, May 8, 2009

Top Ten Most Ridiculous Action Figures EVER

1. The Crazy Cat Lady: Just what every child wants. A reminder of their crazy Aunt Bertha and her menagerie of hair-ball producing felines. And is it me, or is this a man wearing a wig?

2. King Henry VIII (Pose-able!): How any toy maker thought it was a good idea to make England's most violent, unprincipled king look like a cross between a quarterback and the Burger King icon is beyond me.

3. The Lunch Lady: I noticed she doesn't come with wart removal cream. I think that's a serious oversight on the part of the toy makers, don't you?

4. Vanilla Ice: Even during the 2.3 minutes of his ridiculous

5. Eddie & Bella: They're so...big. Really, really big. Like monster Barbies but without the wardrobe options. And where's the sparkle?

6. Michael Jackson: Look, I know this guy still has fans. Rabid ones, apparently. But still, don't you think a fan would want a more true-to-life doll? This one is missing his surgical mask and his skin looks dark. Plus, he still has a nose.

7. Osama Bin Laden: Yes, this isn't truly an action figure. Still, bobble-heads count. Sort of. What are you supposed to do with this? Use it for target practice? Put it in your car's back window so other drivers can use it for target practice instead?

8. Snoop Dogg: Look, everyone! It's Harvey Two-Face! Oh...wait. It's just a wanna-be gangsta with poor fashion sense and a belief that any two words in the English dictionary can be combined if one simply knows how to apply the letter "z."

9. Marie Antoinette: With. A. Removable. Head. I don't think anything else need be said.

10. Obsessive-Compulsive Man: I'd love to talk more about this one, but I need to straighten my keyboard and go wash my hands. Again. Be right back.

And, today only, a special bonus entry!

11. Tom Cruise: That's one way to achieve a colonoscopy.


  1. WOW!!! I didn't know I was an action figure =D

  2. Lol. Since that remark leaves readers wondering if you're the lunch lady or, perhaps, have a removable head, I'll announce to the world that my mom is a crazy cat lady.

    Well, not really crazy. Yet. But she's all stocked up on cats, waiting for the day her mind decides to take a permanent vacation. :)

  3. OMG, Marie Antionette's head comes off!!!


  4. I was really hoping your mom had a removeable head, 'cause that would be cool.

    Happy Mother's Day CJ and CJ's Mom!

    (I still have NKOTB action figures somewhere...)

  5. Love the OC guy figure. Thanks for the laugh.

  6. The truly scary part is...
    I've seen most of those in the store. There are others that are equally perplexing...

  7. Fo shizzle my rizzle. You just dropped it like it was hot. I'm just gonna go back to drinkin' my gin and juice - laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

    Dawg pound. Randy Jackson didn't say it first.

  8. Why on earth would anyone want a Vanilla Ice doll?

  9. Angelic DaughterMay 8, 2009 at 6:11 PM

    I think my favorite is Marie Antoinette. Removable heads just sell themselves, really.

  10. What? No Samurai Skeletor Figure with Spring-Action shoes?

  11. Like I could ever consider spring-action shoes to be a bad idea.

  12. OK. I'm coming out of the closet here--- I OWN the Crazy Cat Lady action figure. The text on the back of the package contains truly inspired comedic writing, BTW.

  13. AngDot - I couldn't agree more.

    Danielle - and my mom have more in common than I realized.

  14. Some Crazy Cat Lady Test Questions from the back of the box.

    Do you get excited when you hear a can opener?
    Can you tell your cats apart by the roughness of their tongues?
    Do you have a website devoted to your cats?


People who comment are made of awesomesauce with a side of WIN!

Harry Potter Trailer & More!

The final trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 has been released, and I'm not going to lie. I get choked up every ti...