Thursday, June 25, 2009

They're After Me!

1. I am terrified of moths.

2. Here's proof.

3. I can't explain this phobia--I've been like this as long as I can remember.

4. Two nights ago, I came home from seeing a movie with Myra and sat on my front porch with my hubby and kids as night fell.

5. The kids were catching lightning bugs--thankfully Starshine no longer "catches" them by clapping his hands together.

6. Daredevil threatened to put one of them on my arm and while lightning bugs don't inspire the same level of hysteria that moths do, I still don't want creepy crawlies (or creepy fly-ies) on my body. Ever.

7. He took one look at my face and veered around me to torture Clint instead.

8. So we sat, me with my purse in my lap, Clint with his laptop, and watched our children play while the sun sank below the treeline and lightning bugs lit up the world with their butts.

9. Idyllic, right?

10. I thought so too but I was wrong.

11. W-R-O-N-G.

12. I didn't know how wrong I was until the next day, when I reached into my purse to snatch my car keys and came up with A DEAD MOTH instead.

13. I'm gagging even while I type this.

14. I touched a dead moth.

15. It was in my purse.

16. It must have flown in there while I was sitting on the porch, totally unaware of its presence.

17. I don't like the evidence that my moth-radar failed me.

18. Plus, I touched a dead moth.

19. *shudders*

20. I left the carcass where it lay (no WAY was I touching it again) and by the time I'd alerted Clint to the situation (Yes, I kill bees, spiders, and any number of other nasties without any help but I cannot dispose of one dead moth. You know you love me because I'm slightly psychotic.) the moth body was gone.

21. Probably Tinks or Spastic Kitten needed a snack.

22. I refused to consider the possibility that the moth was only playing possum because that would mean it was STILL IN MY HOUSE and the instant twitch I would develop would render me unfit for human companionship for the next forty-seven days.

23. I left for work and by the time I returned home, I was calmer.

24. In control.

25. No longer totally squicked out by the thought of a dead moth.

26. Okay, I was totally squicked out but, yanno, I touched a dead moth.

27. I changed out of my uniform, grabbed a drink, and settled in front of my computer to check my email.

28. Tinks jumped up on my desk, but rather than pay attention to me, she batted at a toy--a little plastic "lawn" with two lady bugs on it covered by a removable clear plastic bubble top--left on my desk by one of my kids after I'd gone to work.

29. Thinking she would knock the toy off the desk, I reached out, grabbed it, then took a good look at it and the inside was CRAWLING WITH LIGHTNING BUGS.

30. Because my kids are trying to kill me.

31. May they rest in peace.


  1. This post had such a climatic ending, like my favorite psychological thriller I am the Cheese.

    Yes, that is a book. It has a very slap-yourself-in-the-face ending.

    And I'm afraid of almost anything with more than four legs. Even butterflies.

    ...No scratch that, humans scare me, too. (So does E-mail, I've spent three days trying to send a message to friend.)

  2. Moths, huh? Interesting. Would you like to borrow my pitbull? He was moth hunting earlier tonight and was quite successful. =)

  3. AngDot- I Am The Cheese, huh? I'll have to look that up. :)

    Jinxie- I have two cats and a dog, all more than willing to hunt down anything that dares crawl or fly into my house but that doesn't help me when I'M the one who brings the nasties inside...

  4. You'll face down a bull, but a moth--a DEAD moth, at that--incapacitates you.

    I suggest you stay away from Florida, where the mass of the bugs exceeds that of the peninsula.

  5. Kerry - I know. I'm strange. I'm hoping it can be considered part of my charm.

  6. I remember the time that I caught the live moth in your room and tossed it outside for you. You wouldn't let me near you for a week...not that you weren't grateful.

    I have the same irrational fear of spiders. I have nightmares of accidentally touching one and wake up crying. Dead is just as gross.

  7. I once found a dead lizard in my pillow sham! UGH!!! Thank you, kitties! The horrible moment is still fresh in my memory years later! *shudder*


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