Once again, it's time to see what interesting search terms brought another slew of hapless readers to this blog.
1. Words other than first next then last: Stupendous. Mellifluous. Calibrate. Hornswaggle. Flibberty-gibbet. Onomatopoeia. Loiter (which rhymes with goiter and really disturbs me). Need more? Hie thyself to the nearest dictionary forthwith!
2. How to make tighty-whitey tank top: Listen to me very carefully. The wisdom I'm about to impart is priceless. Really. You'll want to write this guiding principle down: Underwear of any persuasion is never to used as a shirt. Put down the tighty-whiteys and back away.
3. Snorting mucinex: A disproportionate number of you land on this blog searching for this topic. I'm not sure I can help. While it's true that in the course of ill-advised bouts of laughter I've snorted my fair share of items (milk, mashed potatoes, root beer, and even, sadly, chicken nuggets), I've never actually snorted mucinex.
4. Reasons llamas are cool: They spart. Really. They spit at their opponents from either end. Spit + Fart = Spart. Stand too close to the business end of a llama and you'll be sparted upon, my friend. You know that's cool.
5. Goat eyeballs: They're disturbing, aren't they? Nothing says I'm-going-to-mindlessly-munch-on-your-brains like horizontal pupils watching you with a slightly vacant expression. I'm telling you, they're zombies.
6. This is a job for an imbecile: And that led you here? I'm not entirely sure how to take that.