Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Grossest Thing Ever

Today at work the grossest thing ever happened to me.

I do not exaggerate.

I mean I do, but not this time.

The. Grossest. Thing. Ever.

I was leaning close to an elderly man, trying to hear what he was saying to me, when he accidentally spit food into my mouth.

He spit food into my mouth.

Yes, dear reader, I gagged out loud right there in front of him.

Also, I retched, though thankfully without results.

I then went back into the kitchen area where I proceeded to gag and retch every time I thought about it. One of my co-workers is pregnant, and just the sound of me gagging had her gagging too. Then, my manager started up and it was like a chain of dominoes.

Gagging dominoes.

I asked for peroxide, mouth wash, or at the very least, hard core bleach with which to rinse out my mouth. In the absence of those items, I settled for gargling with Coke. I've heard it eats oil and rust off a car engine. Surely it killed whatever old man germs were lingering in my mouth.

And yes, dear reader, I've been gagging--miserably and with volume--the entire time I typed this post.

Off to find some peroxide.

*gags*

18 comments:

  1. Ok, you win. That is the grossest thing ever! Well, maybe not ever. I think retelling it was even grosser. Ew, ew, ew! That's not something I want stuck in my head. Take it awayyyyy! :P

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  2. wow, I'm not even sure what to say to that...... damn.... I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth...... you get the award today....

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  3. Ooh,ooh,ooh. And I gagged reading this. I'm so sorry.

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  4. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! That's beyond disgusting. I think I would have shot him and then myself at that point.

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  5. I'm laughing. I'm sorry, but I am. But I'm also feeling a little sick at the moment as well, so you've set off a nationwide gag reflex. I was talking to a friend today who is a pediatric nurse, and I told her my niece is a geriatric nurse, and we were agreeing that dealing with kids and the elderly is very similar. Although, frankly, the byproducts are quite different, aren't they? Good luck consuming dinner tonight.

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  6. Euch. That's disgusting.

    Then again, I tend to spit every time I talk.

    It's a defense mechanism.

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  7. Oh my god... that's disgusting! IN your mouth... *shiver*

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  8. You poor thing. I am mentally gagging in sympathy.

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  9. OMG, that is just horrible. And now that image is burned in my memory forever...thankyouverymuch.

    But, much much worse for you. Poor thing! They should've let you go home, right then and there. I cannot stand to hear gagging or retching and even as a bystander, I'd have had to go home. Ergh. Did he at least leave a good tip?

    PhotoGalBeaus (Twitter)

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  10. Okay, you definitely win for grossest story. I thought nothing would ever top my story about the old guy who was talking to me and a huge ball of spit fell out of his mouth...which was gross enough...but then he caught it, and tried to put it back in his mouth--while still talking--and it was all stringy and yellow and...Ew. But that spit went no where near my mouth so you definitely win. Don't you wish there was a prize or something?

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  11. You know, I thought the time my newborn son peed in my mother's mouth while she changed his diaper was gross. Except that urine straight from the pipe is sterile as opposed, so say, pre-chewed food.

    He was like your bird mommy. How about that?

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  12. Tongue translate anyone? ewwwwwwwwwwww you win though I'm sure you'd rather not have won this award....ack

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  13. *gasp*

    That might be the most horrifying thing I've heard in a while. I have no words.

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  14. Hahaha, wow! What aim....

    And see, that's where you needed me. Because you know I carry a large bottle of mouthwash in my car at all times...

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  15. That is not funny. I swear it isn't. But I'm laughing anyhow. I've had a horse spit into my mouth, but somehow that is WAY less disgusting than an old man! Wow, you win hands down for the gross factor today! :D

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  16. Ewwwwwwwwww!

    But no, it's not the grossest thing ever, sorry. Don't make me tell you what that is.

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  17. Oh, dear, how awful! Perhaps it can be put to writing use, someday, when we're not all gagging over it! I'd have done the same thing.

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  18. OK, I pop over here just to see how you are doing and what wonderful thing you are posting about now - when what to my roiling stomach do I read??

    I can't even say it again. *blach*

    You win!

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