Today at work the grossest thing ever happened to me.
I do not exaggerate.
I mean I do, but not this time.
The. Grossest. Thing. Ever.
I was leaning close to an elderly man, trying to hear what he was saying to me, when he accidentally spit food into my mouth.
He spit food into my mouth.
Yes, dear reader, I gagged out loud right there in front of him.
Also, I retched, though thankfully without results.
I then went back into the kitchen area where I proceeded to gag and retch every time I thought about it. One of my co-workers is pregnant, and just the sound of me gagging had her gagging too. Then, my manager started up and it was like a chain of dominoes.
I asked for peroxide, mouth wash, or at the very least, hard core bleach with which to rinse out my mouth. In the absence of those items, I settled for gargling with Coke. I've heard it eats oil and rust off a car engine. Surely it killed whatever old man germs were lingering in my mouth.
And yes, dear reader, I've been gagging--miserably and with volume--the entire time I typed this post.
Off to find some peroxide.