1. We have our very own Christmas Ninja.
2. Her name is Spastic Kitten and the FDA has yet to approve a medication that can fix what's wrong with her.
3. Yesterday, I went with my sister (who is visiting from Arizona for the week of Christmas!), Paul, his wife Kelly, Myra, and her husband Ethan to see New Moon.
4. I was the only girl in the group who hadn't planned on seeing the movie when it came out.
5. It was better than the first movie.
6. Which wasn't hard to do since the first movie was le crap.
7. There were parts I enjoyed and all of those involved a certain werewolf. The CG was cool and Taylor Lautner's acting made up for K-Stew's total inability to emote. The two of them had chemistry on screen (through no fault of K-Stew, I can assure you) and that was nice. Plus Billy Burke's acting is always a treat. (He plays Bella's father.)
8. What wasn't as nice?
9. Emo Edward.
10. EMO. Edward.
11. Without a shirt.
12. Which, it turns out, is NOT his best look. (I can sum it up in two words: misshapen nippleage. Once seen, it can't be unseen. I may need therapy.)
13. Add a burgundy robe over shirtless Emo Edward and he looked like a young Hugh Hefner.
14. However, Paul had his gun (He has to be armed everywhere he goes. Part of the job.), and I felt reasonably entertained with the notion that any rabid Emo Edward fans could be dispatched with ease.
15. Plus, the gun isn't registered to me and I'm really good at looking innocent when the other option is spending life behind bars.
16. Speaking of Paul's status as a cop, he tried to pull me over after the movie.
17. Yes, he did.
18. Not because I was speeding. (Though he did make a ridiculous claim about me making a "California stop" at a red light while I was turning right. Totally bogus because everyone knows you can't afford to sit on your booty when there's a stream of oncoming traffic about to ruin your chances for a quick exit.)
19. He followed me, flashing his lights (which I ignored) and apparently even tried to call me (my phone was still on silent from the theater) because he wanted to give us our Christmas presents.
20. He caught up to me at the next red light where, since I wasn't trying to turn right in front of oncoming traffic, I was fully and completely stopped.
21. He pulled up beside me, got out of the car, and walked up to the window, already yelling.
22. I can only imagine what the cars behind me thought.
23. I warned Paul if he ever tried to pull me over I wouldn't stop.
24. I wasn't bluffing.
25. Until tomorrow, peeps!
LMAO.
ReplyDeleteMisshapen nippleage? *winces* Ewww.
That was the best review of New Moon I've hear yet. Haven't seen the movie myself, but now I know when to avert my eyes. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYay for cops you know! I've had some REALLY amusing public interactions with uniformed men, some of which have involved me running screaming across parking lots and jumping on afore mentioned men because I haven't seen them in a long time and I'm excited. What's wrong with that? Well... I work on a farm and ALWAYS have at least one long, obvious sheath knife on my belt. I imagine one day that someone will have a new partner and I'll end up face down... :)
God I love your blogs... they never fail to make me giggle. And thank you for the warning... skinny as he is, I already had my doubts about a shirtless R-Patz, but now I know to avert my eyes for sure.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!
Hilarious post! Best New Moon review.
ReplyDeleteKate x
That's so funny. I love both lines of story hear :D I wasn't so excited about seeing New moon either but I know my daughter will drag me to it when I get moved back to WA. So thank you. Thank you for letting me know when not to look and that there are some redeeming qualities to me losing 2 hours of my life. Of course, being with my daughter is one of those redeeming qualities. :)
ReplyDeleteI can attest to the fact that neither of us were aware that Paul was attempting to pull us over. A rather pathetic attempt, I must say. I sincerely hope he does a better job when it is not against you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePathetic huh...?? Ok well you bring your car out here next time and I'll show you a pathetic PIT =)
ReplyDeleteAnd plus, I always take it a little easy on CJ so I dont hurt her too bad, looks like I'll have to do the same for you...
=)
Oh, you did NOT just go there. If you want to start talking smack, I'll remind you I have both your housekey and full knowledge of your work schedule.
ReplyDeleteI think you should have jumped out of the car hollering and REALLY given those bystanders a show.
ReplyDeleteHmm... and as if I needed yet another reason NOT to go see New Moon. Was that Bella chick still just as terrible and wooden? Geh.