Monday, January 4, 2010

Hinky Mountains, Nasty Goat Facts, & Danger to the Eastern Seaboard

1. As it's now 2010 (and has been for four days now, but whatever), I should probably post something profound, inspiring, and reflective.

2. ...

3. Hope that worked for you.

4. I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore because a)I constantly set and revise small goals for myself every month and b)I'm still working on taking over the world and really, shouldn't I accomplish one resolution before moving on to the next?

5. Eastern seaboard, be warned. I'm starting my bid for world domination with you.

6. This has as much to do with my desire to own a vacation house on the North Carolina beach as it does the fact that I need to get Washington under my belt before the rest of the continent can legitimately be mine.

7. Honestly, I really was going to post something ... well, maybe not inspiring, per say. But at least interesting and thought-provoking.

8. I got derailed by Mike Rowe, host of Dirty Jobs.

9. (Speaking of which, maybe he should do a show on shoveling out the HOLY COW WHAT IS THAT AWFUL THING? IS IT ALIVE? RUN! RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK! that exists under boys' beds. But, I digress)

10. How did Mike Rowe derail my attempt at bringing you lofty, inspirational blog content?

11. He did a show on transforming goat skin to paper.

12. *eyes all the paper on my desk with trepidation and distaste*

13. I think we all know how I feel about goats. *shudders*

14. But what really got me about this episode was the scene where Mike and the goat-skin-paper guy are examining the underside of a piece of recently harvested goat skin and Mike asks what the huge lumps are.

15. Because, peeps, there are huge lumps scattered across the underside of a goat's skin.

16. They're the size of those large candy corn pumpkins they sell at Halloween. Or the size of a large marble. Or the size of I-Think-I-Might-Vomit.

17. Know what they are? I'm about to tell you. I'm just warning you in case you want to shelter your innocence a bit longer. You can always scroll down to #20. I'm sure I'll be done discussing them by then. No? Last chance! Read on at your own risk.

18. They're zits.

19. Huge, yellow-grease-filled goat zits. And Mike Rowe popped them.

20. I'll never be the same.

21. I'm still gagging reflexively at the memory.

22. Sorry. I guess I wasn't done discussing them by #20.

23. Almost ready to turn CASTING STONES in to Holly.

24. Just one problem.

25. I don't think the title CASTING STONES works anymore for me. It doesn't quite encompass the dark, creepy edge to the story.

26. I suck at titles, so help me out here.

27. I need a title that sounds uber-cool and means SOMETHING HINKY ON THE MOUNTAIN.

28. What've you got for me?


  1. I'd throw out brilliant and well-thought out titles, but I'm still grimacing from absolute disgust.


  2. Where's the picture of the cheese??? The cheese, I tell you, the cheese???

    And we should have sat through it again. I would have knocked anyone out who tried to take our seats. Like the creepy dude who left his lights on...

  3. #9 -- I went under the 16yo's with GLOVES. And still scrubbed my hands twice afterward. BLEH!

    Boys are gross.


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