Monday, June 28, 2010

Bulls, Ladybugs, and Restraining Orders

1. Remember last week's loooong list? And how I said I had another 20 in me but was cutting it off for your sake? Yeah. Well. I still have those 20 and ANOTHER week of life rolling around inside my brain.

2. Be warned.

3. Last Sunday, as we were driving home from church, we turned onto a quiet residential street and saw a bull nonchalantly strolling across someone's driveway.

4. A bull.

5. A. BULL.

6. One that looked a lot like that one. He was plodding along, all of his latent "WHAT?! You dare to wave a red cape in my direction? Now you must die!" instincts cleverly hidden from the casual observer. He was trying hard to blend into the scenery. Very "Nothing to see here, folks. Bull? What bull? I don't see no stinking bull!" but we were on to him.

7. We called the sheriff's office. The lady asked us to repeat our story. Seconds later, we heard sirens.

8. I sincerely hope none of the officers were wearing red.

9. Last weekend, we also spent Saturday at Holiday World in Indiana. You may recall the results of last summer's vacation Part 1 and Part 2.

10. I'm happy to report a day free of ladybugs flying into my teeth. And free of holes in the posterior region of my pants. Also free of riding death-defying coasters. I figured at four weeks out from my gallbladder surgery, roller-coaster riding might not be the wisest decision.

11. I'm totally going on them next year, though. Of course, the fact that I've just bragged about a lack of ladybugs and holes in my pants means next year when I ride a coaster, a swarm of moths will fly into my face while I'm screaming and my resulting jerk of terror will split my pants seam to seam.

12. If that exact scenario happens, I promise to vlog it for your viewing pleasure.

13. We did engage in a piece of CRAZY that day, however. We decided (That's a euphemism for Clint decided, btw) to drive up that morning, spend all day in the park, and then turn around and drive home that night.

14. It's a 3 hour drive.

15. We'd been out in the sun all day.

16. This was a plan full of opportunities for epic fail.

17. We were sooooo tired. By the time we neared the outskirts of north Nashville (we live twenty-five minutes south of Nashville), Clint was punching himself in the face just to stay awake. I offered to dump a cup of ice down his back to help, but he wasn't interested in my brilliant idea.

18. Next time, we'll get a hotel. Probably the one across the street from the jail. I'll keep my eye out for geriatric bike gangs and all will be well.

19. Clint spent the weekend in L.A. at the press junket for TNT's new show Rizzoli and Isles, based on the books by Tess Gerritsen.

20. I am a Tess Gerritsen fan.

21. Clint called me to tell me the TNT folks had given all the attending press members a free iPad.

22. He was giddy.

23. I told myself there would be no living with him now and I wasn't wrong. I'm now officially an iPad widow. lol

24. And I have to say, an iPad looks like the Reader's Digest large print version of an iPhone.

25. I tried typing on it for about 10 seconds, had to delete and retype the SAME WORD five times because the keyboard is small and brushing too close to another letter destroys your plan to simply TYPE ONE WORD, and just handed it back to Clint. No. Thank. You.

26. Anyway, the arrival of the iPad was Saturday morning. Saturday night, Clint texted me and asked if I knew who Tess Gerritsen was.

27. Um, hello? YES.

28. He then informed me he was standing right next to her.

29. I may have squealed. I then texted him and instructed HIM to fangirl squeal at Tess on my behalf. I fear he may have under-performed my requested response.

30. Tess graciously told him to text me "hi."

31. I decided "hi" was code for "Ooh, how nice! A fan! If only I could meet her in person and talk!" Or something like that.

32. I also decided I needed an autograph. I texted Clint and asked him to get her autograph. If no paper was available, I told him to volunteer his forehead for the job.

33. Then I waited with bated breath for Tess to call her lawyer and get a restraining order issued against the crazysauce woman in Nashville who wanted her husband's head autographed.

34. Instead, Tess AND THE ENTIRE CAST of Rizzoli and Isles all autographed the title page of Tess's THE APPRENTICE for me.

35. Forget the stupid iPad. This was SO much better. I was giddy too.

36. And now I must go admire my Ooh, Shiny! book while Clint and the boys drool over the iPhone for the Nearly Blind.


  1. Awesome!

    How wonderful to get the whole cast! (I'm an actor, and I'm flattered by proxy, lol) I love your lists. The warning only amps my enjoyment...

  2. I love it! A bull? A bull!

    Crazy seems to find you, huh? Must be in the genes.


    I've done the three hour drive to the beach, spend all day and drive back at dusk thing... yup, you need a full day to recover... and a lot of duct tape for the ride back *Innocent whistle*

  3. LOL. As a fellow iPad widow, I can empathize. Men and their toys!

    Also, I DEFINITELY want to see that vlog if it ever happens. :)

  4. OH! So jealous! I'd LOVE to have all those autographs!

    And clearly you must prepare for next year's vacay by carrying a pair of spare pants in your purse.

  5. Fantastic!! Soooooo much better than an iPad! :)

  6. You have all the fun. We get deer, chipmunks, suicidal get bull.


  7. I am Tess' #1 fan - in Florida anyway. I am so-o-o jealous of your signed book! Way better than a stupid ipad!
    -Beth in FL

  8. This may not top your "bull" but Uncle Guido got me up at 6ish on Sunday morning to see the hot air balloon parked on our street 20 yards from out house. We got to go up in it. The neighborhood had an impromptu block party--"no bull".

  9. Leona - He didn't tell me the entire cast signed it. It was such a fun surprise!

    Writermom - I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

    Shannon - The only problem with vlogging that scenario is that if moths swarmed me while my mouth was open, I would be too DEAD from terror to vlog.

    Kait - I should probably just carry a spare pair of pants everywhere I go. Just in case.

    Jemi - My thoughts exactly!

    ND - Suicidal squirrels? *is intrigued*

    Beth - I totally agree!

    Marilyn - How ... interesting. Strange but interesting. I'd much rather take a hot air balloon ride than a bull ride!


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