Friday, October 15, 2010

Glamour For The Win!



1. I don't even want to look at the date of my last blog post. I think it's probably been more than a week.

2. Naturally, my reasons fabulously illustrate the glamorous life I lead.

3. I was busy invading a little-known dictatorship off the coast of South Africa, subduing entire armies with nothing more than some ostriches, a pair of smoking hot stilettos, and my firm belief that Pluto is still a planet.

4. When I wasn't wreaking havoc and causing nightmares for totally sucky dictators, I was working overtime, dealing with a bout of the stomach flu, trying to get everything in order so I can leave my kids behind while we travel for two weeks in China, and wondering how long I could let the laundry go before going nekkid in public was our only option.

5. You see? The glamour, it BURNS.

6. My oldest son informed me yesterday that he doesn't go for super model looks like most boys do. He wants brains.

7. He then hastened to add that while he didn't want super model looks, he didn't want them to be horrifying either.

8. I conceded his point.

9. The other day, it rained. Hard.

10. Why is this newsworthy?

11. It isn't.

12. But the fact that I'd left the passenger window down in my van while I was at work IS newsworthy.

13. Especially because Clint was picking me up from work that night for a date night at a sneak peek of the movie Red. (Which was very entertaining, btw.)

14. And my date night clothes were laid  neatly across the passenger seat.

15. To give you some idea of HOW MUCH water poured through that open window and into the van, I had a pair of jeans, a shirt, and a hoodie laid out on top of each other and the water had soaked through all of them and into the seat of the van. And when I picked up my jeans? They were dripping.

16. The word you're looking for is awesome.

17. Which we all know is a euphemism for "Holy Cow, how could I have been so stupid?"

18. Which really isn't a useful question at all because I'm the girl who constantly has a dead cell phone, nearly runs out of gas on a regular basis, and often drives right past her destination because she's too busy plotting books in her head.

19. My dear hubby, who is used to me and long ago decided he loved me anyway, gave me a LOOK, found the grace to laugh, and then drove me to Walmart so I could race in, grab a new outfit, change in the restroom, and race out.

20. And just to illustrate how far inside my head I live, I spent the entire time I was changing clothes in the bathroom pretending I was a spy doing a quick costume change to evade the minions of the totally sucky dictatorship I was planning to topple with my ostrich army, my stilettos, and my love of Pluto.

21. If you just laughed, started to roll your eyes, and then paused as the OMG AWESOME idea of having a kick-butt heroine forced to do a quick change in a Walmart restroom while South African warlords prowled the aisles outside hoping to kill her, you might be a writer.

22. If you just rolled your eyes and sent your silent sympathies to my hubby, well, you probably always shut your windows and remember to put gas in your tank.

23. I like the think I live on the edge. Of something. Probably the edge of insanity, but hey, whatever works.

24. To cap off my fantastically logical post on how glamorous my life really is, my youngest son gave me a hug last night, looked at me, and said "Wow! Your armpits smell like cherries."

25. Don't be jealous.

10 comments:

  1. I was laughing so hard by the end of this post someone stopped by my office door to see what I was doing. (umm, work? Yes, definitely. Work. *cough*)

    And the quick change in Walmart? I'd have been on the run from a witch, bounty hunters, and the king's knights, as per the plot to the new story that's been peculating in my head for a few weeks now. Daydreamers Unite!

    How do the Were-llama and Spork of Doom feel about you excluding them from the world-domination? I figured they would be valuable allies in any takeover situation.

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  2. Considering you were going to see the movie RED, I think a stealthy bathroom change in WalMart was entirely plausable!!! And congrats on the $6K mark on your thermometer over there--can't wait to see the pix of you and The Cupcake Wizard with your beautiful daughter!

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  3. bahaha! Was totally worth the wait.

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  4. lol, great post. I love the cherry scented armpits though. Hilarious.

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  5. I'm surprised you pulled the quick change off without toppling something. I guess that would've been my feat, which is why you use me for the distraction when you're evading South African hoodlums.

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  6. How could NOT be jealous???? :) I teeter on the same edge!

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  7. I admire your resiliency. Also, that you smell like cherries.

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