Bring Your Crazy To ME

This picture has absolutely nothing to do wth this post.

1. What a terrible blogger I've been this week!

2. Feel free to sternly admonish me, or slip a little money toward Beth Revis for her next dastardly assault against my person.

3. I don't know how it can possibly be the middle of May already.

4. I suspect nargles had something to do with it.

5. My May has been full of BUSY and WOW and YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

6. The BUSY is kind of boring, actually. It involves working the day job, neglecting my email account, fighting a losing battle with the laundry, and desperately trying to keep food in my cupboards.

7. Three boys (1 teenage, 2 almost)? Eat like maybe this meal, THIS MEAL, this one they're eating five seconds after their last meal, will be all the food they ever see again.

8. I've taken to hiding food just to make it last.

9. I've advised them that perhaps they should educate themselves on any edible foliage available in Middle Tennessee, and then hie themselves to a local field and forage for their supper.

10. My BUSY also included teaching workshops and critiquing two holy-crap-awesome books for two of my CPs.

11. Sadly, my BUSY did not include a role in the upcoming Pirates movie. Or lunch with Johnny Depp. Or well-deserved recognition as the reigning Queen of __insert appropriate title here__.

12. My WOW moments I've either blogged or am planning to blog, so I won't take the fun out of reading a future blog post by detailing it now.

13. It does, however, involve a llama.

14. Of sorts.

15. Speaking of llamas, some of my employees were talking the other day, and as I approached, they pulled me into the conversation with the following totally irresistible question: What animal would you hate to be killed by?

16. Naturally, I quickly clarified my staunch Do Not Die By Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral policy.

17. They said, "Well, if you HAD to die by animal, which would be the worst?"

18. I said, "Llama."

19. They all responded with varying degrees of shock, laughter, and bemusement. Turns out, they all said stuff like bears, tigers, jaguars, or snakes.

20. I don't actually want to die by bears, tigers, jaguars, or snakes either.

21. But at least THEN, my obituary could sound like I was a swashbuckling adventurer! A daring explorer! Bear Grylls!

22. There's no dignity in death by llama.

23. There's SPIT, ergo loss of face.

24. And while llamas are fierce and mean and thoroughly bad-tempered when they want to be, nobody really expects to be killed by one, so therefore, not only is there a loss of dignity and face, there's also the potential to become an urban legend--the one woman stupid enough to get herself axed by an Alpaca.

25. No thanks.

26. On the YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME front, two things of note.

27. One, both our air conditioning units said Adios, Muchachos! this spring. Probably because of a llama.

28. One cannot face a Middle Tennessee summer without air conditioning.

29. The weather climbed into the high 80s and low 90s this past week, and we were MISERABLE.

30. Which meant the kids were miserable.

31. Which meant WE were miserable times a gazillion and forty-six.

32. Yesterday, we finally got both units replaced, the house cooled down, and everyone finally slept well for the first time in days.

33. The other YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME note is this:

34. You'll recall last week I blogged about the new employee who thought the world really would end in 2012 (because we live on an active volcano...ALL THE EARTH is an active volcano?).

35. Against all odds, I came in contact with someone else a few days ago who pretty much believes the same thing.

36. It's like I have a sign over my head that says "Bring your crazy to ME."