Saturday, February 21, 2009

Some People Are Just Brilliant



Yesterday, a lady came in to the restaurant and ordered a fried chicken tenderloin salad. The conversation went something like this:

Lady: I'll have a fried chicken tenderloin salad, please. I'm on a diet.

Waitress: *no longer surprised when people offer her personal details like the fact that they're dieting, details of their doctor's visits, or a description of the slew of medication they take each day to keep vital organs running at half speed* Okay. What dressing do you want?

Lady: What do you have?

Waitress: *also no longer surprised that everyone asks this question, even though the dressing options are listed right next to the salads* We have ranch, french, thousand, bleu cheese, honey mustard, italian, and peppercorn. Oh, and we also have fat free dressings, in case that helps with your diet.

Lady: I don't want any of those fat free dressings. They don't taste as good. I'll have ranch. Better make that extra ranch. I like a lot of dressing.

Waitress: So, you want a fried chicken tenderloin salad with extra ranch?

Lady: Yes. Oh. Wait. I'm dieting. That might be a bit much. Better just give me only half the usual amount of lettuce.

Waitress: *pauses to examine this new dieting strategy from all angles* So, you want a fried chicken salad--which comes with our homemade buttery croutons and plenty of cheese--and you want extra ranch, but you only want half the lettuce?

Lady: Yes. I told you. I'm dieting.

11 comments:

  1. Sad when people have no sense of their own irony.

    You should ask Peter to tell you his helium story....

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  2. This is exactly my dieting strategy, and I'd tell you exactly how effective it is, but typing this has left me short of breath and sweaty from exertion. I have no idea why.

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  3. Tee hee... Another favorite is when they say they are on a diet and order the veggie plate...mac & cheese, fried apples, grease laden green beans, corn swimming in butter. I just chuckle when anyone who is on a diet choses to step foot into our restaurant.

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  4. Mayhap I will post the helium story on my own site. After all, truth is...

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  5. I'll have what she's having! LOL CJ some people don't get it.

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  6. I'd like to say that I'm amazed at the brilliance some people have, but sadly, I am not.

    *shakes head*

    Wow.

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  7. It's a new diet. Haven't you heard of it??? It's called the Lard Beach Diet. You cut out healthy foods entirely but you also drink diet sodas so it all cancels out.

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  8. And here is a picture of Lard Beach to provide motivation for program participants!

    Lard Beach Bodies

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  9. i want to know what this lady had to drink I so hope a diet coke . We do not want to screw up that low carb diet of hers and i hope she asked for bis. or cornbread lol

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People who comment are made of awesomesauce with a side of WIN!

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