Saturday, February 21, 2009

Some People Are Just Brilliant

Yesterday, a lady came in to the restaurant and ordered a fried chicken tenderloin salad. The conversation went something like this:

Lady: I'll have a fried chicken tenderloin salad, please. I'm on a diet.

Waitress: *no longer surprised when people offer her personal details like the fact that they're dieting, details of their doctor's visits, or a description of the slew of medication they take each day to keep vital organs running at half speed* Okay. What dressing do you want?

Lady: What do you have?

Waitress: *also no longer surprised that everyone asks this question, even though the dressing options are listed right next to the salads* We have ranch, french, thousand, bleu cheese, honey mustard, italian, and peppercorn. Oh, and we also have fat free dressings, in case that helps with your diet.

Lady: I don't want any of those fat free dressings. They don't taste as good. I'll have ranch. Better make that extra ranch. I like a lot of dressing.

Waitress: So, you want a fried chicken tenderloin salad with extra ranch?

Lady: Yes. Oh. Wait. I'm dieting. That might be a bit much. Better just give me only half the usual amount of lettuce.

Waitress: *pauses to examine this new dieting strategy from all angles* So, you want a fried chicken salad--which comes with our homemade buttery croutons and plenty of cheese--and you want extra ranch, but you only want half the lettuce?

Lady: Yes. I told you. I'm dieting.


  1. Sad when people have no sense of their own irony.

    You should ask Peter to tell you his helium story....

  2. This is exactly my dieting strategy, and I'd tell you exactly how effective it is, but typing this has left me short of breath and sweaty from exertion. I have no idea why.

  3. Tee hee... Another favorite is when they say they are on a diet and order the veggie plate...mac & cheese, fried apples, grease laden green beans, corn swimming in butter. I just chuckle when anyone who is on a diet choses to step foot into our restaurant.

  4. Mayhap I will post the helium story on my own site. After all, truth is...

  5. I'll have what she's having! LOL CJ some people don't get it.

  6. I'd like to say that I'm amazed at the brilliance some people have, but sadly, I am not.

    *shakes head*


  7. It's a new diet. Haven't you heard of it??? It's called the Lard Beach Diet. You cut out healthy foods entirely but you also drink diet sodas so it all cancels out.

  8. And here is a picture of Lard Beach to provide motivation for program participants!

    Lard Beach Bodies

  9. i want to know what this lady had to drink I so hope a diet coke . We do not want to screw up that low carb diet of hers and i hope she asked for bis. or cornbread lol


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