Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Seek And Ye Shall Find!

Time once again to look at the interesting, enlightened and downright bizarre search terms readers used to find this blog.

1. What does don't start something you can't finish on your own mean?: I appreciate an honest question and will strive to give you a helpful answer. It means don't start something you can't finish on your own. All clear now?

2. Pirate Comic Cakes: Oh, this is a fabulous idea! I might be in love with you, just a little.

3. Randy Jackson Action Figure: Um, seriously? You want one of these? Couldn't you just grab a regular doll and say "Yo, yo, check it out, dawg" a few times? No? Well, I don't have a Randy Jackson action figure but I do have *drum roll* Pregnant Padme!

You know you want one.

4. Zombie Natural Predators: Now this is a search term I can get behind! While every region has their own go-to methods for destroying zombies (The South is partial to soaking Redneck Tank Tops in moonshine, wrapping them around an arrow, lighting them on fire, and then shooting from the top of their 4x4 as they drive by.) the universally acknowledged zombie predator is the Zombie Cat who, once domesticated, will keep all brain-sucking entities away from you. Except for Hulu. You're on your own there.

5. Hot dogs with cream cheese: No. Just ... no.

6. Doctor finger up the site: In general, I find it helpful to be much more specific when searching for medical information. For example, I would have substituted "site" for a more descriptive word. Like nasal cavity. Or rectum. But, yanno, whatever works for you.

7. Flaming Moose: Any time I begin to worry that I might be losing my flair for subtle, highbrow entertainment, I look to search terms like this and realize I've still got it. Where else would you find people reading about doctor fingers "up the site", Zombie Cats, and flaming moose? Mooses? Meece? Whatever.

8. Top Ten Llamas: I'm curious. How would you rank llamas to determine the top ten? Attitude? Range of spit? Smell?

9. Chocolate tomatoes: My friend, stop right there. That entire idea is an abomination. Chocolate goes well with many things. Tomatoes go well with many things. That doesn't mean combining them is smart.

10. What is the right amount of dark chocolate to consume?: What is this? Chocolate consumption for the anal-retentive? Loosen up a bit. The point of eating chocolate is that there are no rules.

11. Redneck word for underwear: Um ... underwear? It isn't the verbage that signals redneck status, my friend. It's the alternative usage that gives the redneck away. Keep reading.

And my personal favorite:

12. Make your own bra men's tighty whities: See #11? THIS is cause for redneck status. I find it infinitely disturbing that the girl in our Redneck Tank Top post isn't alone in her quest to use men's underwear in ways God never intended.


  1. Um, honey? The plural of moose is so totally Moosiniusrastumouses. Gosh.

  2. *hangs head* I should have known that. Really. I should have.

  3. *Pats head* All is forgiven. Kind of.


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