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Showing posts from January, 2008

LOL

Contest Update

First, a big THANK YOU to all of you who've already stopped by my contest page at amazon and giving me a rating and a review.

For those of you who haven't had the chance, here's the link and some shameless begging from me...

Review-wise, I'm solidly in the running for the next cut but the number of reviews I have put me in the middle of the pack. I have 28 reviews. I need 40 to really be competitive. That's just 12 more.

Please, please, please...if you haven't reviewed, would you take a minute to do so? You need an active amazon account to review. Feel free to send the link on to anyone who would review as well! I appreciate it!

LOL

Stranger Than Fiction

In the continuing saga of weird and improbable injuries, I'd like to introduce you to my latest downfall - my cat, Taz.





Oh sure, she looks harmless enough. But, like many felines, inside she is a scheming ball of potentially homicidal impulses wrapped up in a decidedly psychotic sense of humor.

All of that, however, has no bearing on what happened because what happened was one of those freak accidents that couldn't be replicated if you held a gun to my head.

You might remember me telling you how two years ago I gave myself a severe concussion by vacuuming under the dining room table and midjudging my exit. The E.R. personnel didn't believe my story. I had phone calls from concerned parties wanting to know if I was safe in my home.

Of course I'm not safe. I'm still doing housework.

Anyway, a few months later, I gave myself another head injury by knocking loose a can of shaving cream from the shower caddy and failing to move out of the way before it collided with my f…

Check It Out

I found this site from some friends on LJ. Basically, it's Netflix for books. I chose a plan that is $9.99 a month (believe me, that is LESS than I usually spend on books each month!) and they send 2 books out to me from my list. As soon as I use the prepaid mailer to send them back, they send more.

I read fast. I think I'll get 6 to 8 books a month out of this and their selection is tremendous. You can even reserve books that haven't come out yet.

Check it out and if you join, feel free to put my email address - platinumcj@yahoo.com as your referral. I have no idea if I get a perk for referring people but hey, worth a shot.

Confessions of an Insomniac

10:15 : Take two Tylenol PMs and expect to be zonked in less than 20 minutes.

10:30: Finish taking out contacts, brushing teeth, and washing face and climb into bed.

10:34: Stare at clock and wonder when Tylenol PM is going to kick in.

10:35: Wonder if the Mucinex I took conflicts with the Tylenol PM.

10:37: Realize my leg is bouncing on the mattress in a rapid, jittery rhythm that strongly suggests I am not going to go to sleep any time soon.

10:40: Begin an hour long train of random, lightning-fast thoughts that look something like this:

1. I really, really, really need to go to sleep.

2. All that time spent sweating for an A in algebra classes was totally wasted as I have never once used any of it in real life.

3. Shouldn't I be lightheaded by now?

4. *sniff* Mucinex seems to work.

5. I need to do a lot of things tomorrow...vacuum, clean the bathrooms, do some laundry, clean the kitchen, sweep the hardwood....

6. Best not to think about that now.

7. Although, if I don't fall asleep soo…

What A Winner

I saw this ad on facebook this morning:

Want to write a book? Learn everything you need to know about writing and eriting a book in 7 easy steps!


No, that isn't a typo. At least, it isn't my typo.

I suggest adding an 8th step: proof reading.

LOL

Peanut, peanut butter...

1. Friends who surprise me with their generosity.

2. Johnny Depp.

3. My husband, who is taking me to the movies today so we can spend some time together and who has informed me that I will not be cleaning the house this weekend - I'll be sleeping while he does the cleaning.

4. That all my kids are healthy enough to be in school today so I CAN go to the movies with my hubby.

5. wandereringray

6. Being a semi-finalist in the amazon contest.

7. Large tips from single diners.

8. That even though my van won't start (a very recent development), we have a friend who knows cars and wants to fix it for free.

9. Peanut butter on burgers...don't knock it til you try it.

10. Juan Pedro for restoring my sense of humor every time I walk downstairs.

11. That God led us to buy a house with more bedrooms than we need so we have room for others who need a temporary home.

12. Pancakes.

JUAN PEDRO, the sidewalk infomercial

Apparently, Juan Pedro is quite the entrepeneur...





We found him wearing a festive Santa hat and holding up the following sign.





The connection between Santa and working for pesos is still undetermined.

Monday's List (on a Tuesday)

1. Seeing Paul snort milk was the highlight of my weekend.

2. Seeing Mad Money with Kailani and Dusty was fun too.

3. Hubby is sick.

4. Starshine is sick.

5. The Scientist is sick.

6. How long can Daredevil and I hold out?

7. I'm getting much better at the Smarty Pants game.

8. 24 reviews up on amazon for my novel.

9. 23 of them are 5 star.

10. I think the leading entry has 40 at the moment so I need to catch up. =)

11. I don't care about the outcome of this year's SuperBowl.

12. I'm almost completely caught up on laundry (quick! snap a picture so we can all remember this moment!)

13. The latests news from our adoption agency puts our referral (her picture and info and permission to travel) at July now instead of May.

14. I expect we'll have another delay or two before we go.

15. Starshine was so thrilled to receive a set of Captain Underpants books for his birthday.

16. I think they might be kindred spirits.

17. I work the next four nights in a row.

18. Let's hope the uncouth,…

Update on Amazon

Just found out today that simply rating the entry doesn't count. Only ratings with a short review count towards the prize. And you can comment on other reviews too...anything to generate a buzz. =)

Vote For DYING TO REMEMBER!

Yay! I made it as a semi-finalist in Amazon.com's Breakthrough Novel Award contest. Now I need your votes!! (and the votes of every single person you've ever met) Please go to my contest page, download and read my entry, and provide a rating and some feedback. You need to register with Amazon if you haven't done so already.

Please, please, please spread this link to your blog, your email list, everyone who knows how to work the internet and likes to read. ;) The top 10 semi-finalists will be named in early March and the grand prize is a $25,000 publishing contract with Penguin.

Thank you for your vote!

Gravity, That Harsh Mistress

Thank you Tiffany for the hilarious email!

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old
Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was
so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.

"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast.
Why do you ask?"

She hung up without answering.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Monday's List

1. Starshine's birthday was yesterday - he was so proud of being 7!!

2. He also subscribes wholeheartedly to the concept of "it's my birthday, therefore I get to do whatever I want."

3. Thus we found ourselves at Chuck E. Cheese.

4. Earlier in the day (right after church), Dusty, Kelly, Kailani, and I went to see P.S. I Love You.

5. The movie was fine. Interesting enough as far as chick flicks go.

6. The REAL story is the gargantuan woman who chose to sit next to Dusty and - I kid you not - crunch ice the entire movie. Everyone in the row could hear her.

7. And she wore heavy floral perfume in an attempt to mask the fact that personal hygiene was not her friend.

8. I swear, if you have the social etiquette of a bovine, you belong at home.

9. Paul moves in tomorrow.

10. I'm almost ready. A little more cleaning and we can move the couch out of his bedroom and all will be well.

11. I think the laundry multiplies at night, when I'm not looking.

12. Like rabbits.

13. Or r…

Things I've Found Funny Recently

1. The Easter bunnies for sale at Cracker Barrel. Some of them are ugly. Some of them look like militant generals in a Pastel Army. And some of them look like it's highly probable they worship the devil when no one's looking.

2. The way Starshine plays Guitar Hero. He jumps forward every time he hits a note. I'll have to film it sometime and post a video.

3. Being asked what I do in my spare time. (Umm...let's see...spare time...yes, yes, I think I remember what that means...hold on...1993...ah, yes, it's all coming back to me now.)

4. Watching Hilary Clinton work up a tear on national television over the election. She doesn't show emotion over her husband's affair with a college-age intern but losing a primary in Ohio...that's worth crying over. Sheesh.

5. The game "Imaginiff".

6. My attempt at "real" bowling, sans bumpers. Oh wait...I wasn't the one who found that funny...

7. The book PLUM LUCKY. Not as hilarious as some of th…

And the IDIOT OF THE WEEK is...

First runner up:

The man at work the other night who asked for sweet tea with no ice because he claimed (and he was dead serious) that he is allergic to ice.


Winner!:

The person driving the dark blue Honda, circa early 1990's, on the 65 North today around the Peytonsville exit who decided to change lanes to get around a semi, even though it meant literally cutting off an ambulance with full lights and sirens.

Congratulations! For making a choice based on perceived personal gain, regardless of the fact that you may have cost someone their life (but hey! You saved three seconds!), you win the coveted IDIOT OF THE WEEK award.

LOL

A Giant Horse's Patoot, You Say?

1. My hubby and friends made sure I had a warm and wonderful birthday. =)

2. I now have a Smarty Pants game for Wii which, given the title, you'd think would be a natural fit for me.

3. Unfortunately, that does not appear to be the case.

4. Yet.

5. And yes, I did indeed make a giant horse's patoot of myself at the real bowling alley.

6. Worse than usual.

7. The worst ever.

8. 7 frames in and my score was....*drum roll please*...1

9. Yes, that's "1" as in "Uno", as in "Only child", as in "Wow, too bad you aren't playing golf"...

10. Started bowling with my left hand instead (the one that isn't fraught with carpal tunnel).

11. Did better. Actually broke 50 in the last few frames using my left hand.

12. My competitive nature disliked the entire experience.

13. My sense of humor decided that I should view it as "Holy cow, I'm so talented, I can bowl two strikes with my left hand!"

14. Whatever.

15. Why do people say, "I don…

Birthday Post

Today is my 34th birthday and so I decided to make a list, of sorts. I'm going to try for 34 things I've learned so far in life. If I run out...I'll improvise. *grins*

1. Nothing is as important as passionately pursuing a relationship with Christ.

2. Nothing is quite as intimidating as a belligerent farm animal.

3. Ice cream made from fresh cow's milk has no equal.

4. Shag carpet is a fad best left to rot in the musty halls of 70's history.

5. A true friend is worth more than all the wealth in the world.

6. Children are both the biggest blessing and the biggest challenge you will ever face.

7. Good table manners are essential but so is the ability to out-burp your boys when the occasion calls for it.

8. Boys are more impressed by a mom who can turn a swig of rootbeer into a 4.6 earthquake than a mom who always supplies milk and cookies.

9. It is always wise, when one has young boys underfoot, to check the oven (don't forget the broiler!!) for toys before turning it on…

Monday's List

1. Hubby threw a birthday party for me last night.

2. It was incredibly fun...surrounded by my closest friends and trouncing them in wii bowling...what could be bad about that? :)

3. Plus I got to see Paul smack Drew in the arm (*accidentally*...) during wii tennis.

4. Pictures of the cake my hubby made for me are on their way (beautiful shoebox with a red stiletto on the top!)

5. And by "red stiletto" I mean an actual shoe made out of chocolate.

6. Kids went back to school today.

7. I already miss spending time with them but at the same time I'm extemely grateful for an uninterrupted morning. =)

8. Paul discovered another band that I now love - Nightwish. For those who enjoy Lacuna Coil or Within Temptation, try Nightwish's latest album "Dark Passion Play" - there's also an incredible instrumental version of that album. (*ping* Katy, you'd love this!)

9. Have a lot of organizing to do before Paul can move in next Wednesday.

10. Going out tonight with Pau…

LOL

A Writing Experiment - Answer #4

It was like "Alice in Wonderland" and "Wizard of Oz" rolled into one and as she looked around her she wondered if Alice or Dorothy seriously considered themselves insane.

Of course the truly insane were always the last to know, weren't they?

Since that line of thinking was hardly comfortable at the moment, and because Morgan O' Hallahan came from a long line of Irish women whose flights of fancy were confined to buying a colorful handbag for winter instead of a serviceable black, she shook away thoughts of insanity and focused on finding a rational explanation for her current predicament.

There was always a rational explanation. GPS systems could break. Road signs could be confusing. That neatly explained how she'd ended up in the tiny mountain town of Lorreilan, so many miles away from her intended destination that it boggled the mind.

Automobiles went wonky on their own, too. Even the newer models. That explained why her engine suddenly coughed and r…

A Writing Experiment - Answer #3

"Why did you think I would never find out?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm.

I wasn't fooled.

"Well, it all happened so fast." I hedged and glanced around me for inspiration. The small, gloriously beige lobby of J.J.'s Private Investigations refused to provide any help at all.

"You mean one second you were content to chase your dream of lighting up the big screen and the next you suddenly found yourself pretending to be an experienced ex-FBI agent willing to run my agency while I recuperated?" He asked and truth be told, I was slightly worried about the way his hands gripped his crutches. Either he was having trouble maintaining his balance, a valid option considering the size of his cast, or he was entertaining the idea of bludgeoning me.

I smiled brightly to show that I was far too pretty to be a candidate for bludgeoning.

"That's it exactly." I patted his shoulder but snatched my hand back as he snarled. Honestly, the man was…

A Writing Experiment - Answer #2

It was now or never...so she took a deep breath and opened it.

Empty.

The chest was empty. All that spying, sneaking, and stealing to finally hold the chest of the Last Druid in her grasp and the stupid thing was empty?

"What's inside?"

Rory glared at Molly, her tag-along little sister whose insatiable curiousity was only rivaled by her incessant talking.

"Be quiet, Molly."

"But what's inside? Rory, what's inside?" Molly's tone was edging from whine to temper and Molly in a temper tantrum would bring their nanny on the run and ruin everything.

"I don't know yet, Molly. It looks empty." Rory said and shook the chest gently to prove her point.

The sharp music of shattering glass echoed faintly from inside the chest and Rory set it down and peered inside.

"I heard something. Rory I heard something!" Molly bounced on her toes and peered over Rory's shoulder.

"So did I but it's still empty. See?" Rory slid he…

A Writing Experiment - Answer #1

In a December post, I asked anyone to comment with a first sentence and I would turn it into something...a paragraph, a page, whatever struck me at the time.

I'll be posting my answers over the next day or two. If you missed a chance to offer up a first sentence, comment with one in this post and I'll use it too. =)


He stepped on a crumpled leaf and the eye opened, looking directly at him. He had a brief moment of surprised relief at the brilliant gem of green gazing at him - an Archimedon so far from the plains? - but then streaks of rust and black shot from the pupil and billowed across the surface, swirling into a compelling whirlpool of shadows and hate.

A Hessyan. Perfect.

He gripped the pommel of his grandfather's sword and it slid free with a kiss of blade to scabbard.

Not that Hessyans were afraid of swords but it was either bluff it out with a show of force or run for his life and Hessyans were notoriously impossible to outrun.

Besides, Lysander Valkryies, third-born …

Ringing In 2008 (Two Days Late)

A New Year's List of Semi-Resolutions

(Semi-resolutions subject to rapid and frequent change due to any of the following unforeseen circumstances: winning the lottery, being shanghaied into serving as First Mate on a pirate ship, being elected President of the United States by a landslide grass-roots campaign, or snorting chicken one too many times and thus rendering myself mentally incapacitated.)


1. Sign a publishing contract for the SHADOWING FATE series.

2. Win a writing contest (by talent, preferably, though bribery and extortion aren't out of the running).

3. Be more adventurous in the kitchen (and by adventurous, please note that I do not mean I wish to barbeque any more toys in the oven, necessitating a visit by the fire department and thus reinforcing my current title of Most Likely To Cause A Neighborhood Stir).

4. Learn how to punch like a man.

5. Bring my daughter home. (As I have no control over this, this is really more a wish than a resolution).

6. Use less mustard.

7.…