C.J. Redwine

Some interesting questions asked of me at work lately. They didn't really leave me speechless but the sarcastic response I wanted to give had to be swallowed in the interest of keeping my job. ;)


"My BLT is only bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Where's the meat?"

"Does your sweet tea have sugar in it?"

"I know it says you only have biscuits and cornbread but could I please have rolls instead?"

And my personal favorite:

"Do your salads come with lettuce?"

Truly, I am amazed that some people remember how to breathe.

Thank you Tricia for this email! =)


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty
and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done
in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
husband and me tonight."

The homeless Woman was shoc…

The Last Three Books I've Read:

THE PROMETHEUS DECEPTION by Robert Ludlum

THE VOICE OF THE HEART by Chip Dodd

THE BOOK OF PHILLIPIANS from the New Testament


The Last Three Movies I've Watched:

Kingdom of Heaven (yay for Orlando Bloom and a interesting view of the Crusades)

Thirty Days of Night (sheer Velveeta)

Chronicles of Riddick (futuristic fun)


Current Musical Obsessions:

Evanescence

Chris Tomlin

John Catchings - cello


Current Focus:

Being an excellent mom to my boys and surrogate mom to my "adopoted" teenage girls.

Finishing Alexa

Annihilating Mal in our battles at work

This is who I channel while driving my kids...

A few lessons my boys learned yesterday:

1. Light sabers and unprotected groins do not a happy camper make.

2. There is only so far you can push a mother with a raging headache before she snaps like a brittle rubber band.

3. Never tickle Starshine when he has a full bladder. Especially if he's sitting on you.

And the most important lesson of all (illustrated with much dramatic screaming by Starshine himself):

4. Do not take an atomic fireball repeatedly out of your mouth and then wipe your eyes with those same, cinnamon-coated fingers.

Once divested of my lip-gloss and hand sanitizer, we headed toward our gate, clutching our pre-printed boarding passes in our hands. Nashville is a relatively small airport with few crowds but still, I'm a mother. I want my children to walk RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I refuse to take any chances.

My youngest, Starshine, does not walk, however. He wanders. He dreams. He talks to himself. To strangers. To no one at all. He becomes fascinated by the design on the carpet and walks straight into walls, drinking fountains, and mountains of luggage.

Or, he decides inexplicably that he can no longer walk at all. Why? Because his feet don't work. They've worked well for six and a half years but now, in the middle of BNA, they just refuse to work any longer.

He drags himself slowly toward me, my other two already disappearing around a corner with my hubby. He moans about how long he's already walked.

I am not sympathetic.

I've seen this kid run his feet into the ground for two hour…

Recently, my family and I embarked on the arduous (and somewhat expensive) trip from Nashville to California to visit my family. It was an interesting trip - both fun and...well, interesting.

Day One:

Mal takes us to the airport, driving our '94 Dodge Caravan for the first time in his life. Since we arrived with all windows firmly intact, the hood ornament still flopping in place, and the transmission agreeably shifting gears when needed, I counted the journey a success.

Mal was busy bemoaning the fact that he neglected to bring a wig and hat to wear in case someone recognized him behind the wheel. He thinks it's bad for his cop image to be seen driving an ancient, paint-peeled-off, hood-ornament-flapping minivan with visible car seats.

I think driving the occasional minivan is good for a man's soul.

Mal insisted that he will never, NEVER, own a minivan. My hubby and I laughed over that one. Give it ten years, we said. We'll be hitching a ride in your crumb-coated, crayo…

I entered my first novel, DYING TO REMEMBER, in amazon.com's Breaththrough Novel Contest today (thank you Anna for the heads-up!).

The winner gets a publishing contract with Penguin, a $25,000 advance, and tons of publicity on Amazon. The semi-finalists get to negotiate with Penguin for sales of their manuscripts too (though they can also take their MS elsewhere if an agreement can't be reached in 30 days).

The semi-finalists will be announced in a couple of months and then it gets interesting. An excerpt from each of the semi-finalists will be posted on amazon for customers to rate and review. Each semi-finalist will also get a full critique from Publisher's House. The exerpts with the highest ratings and reviews go to NYC for an awards banquet where one of them gets the grand prize.

Soooo, IF I am chosen as a semi-finalist, I will put the word out to my online community and ask all of you to get all of your friends and all of their friends and all of their friends....you…

1. The Titans squeezed out a last minute victory over the Falcons and TSU spanked Florida so my hubby was happy and incidents of road rage and shooting up a neighbor's fence/pick-up/barn were down all across middle Tennessee.

2. The class of 3 year olds we teach on Sunday mornings includes a beautiful Chinese girl named Isabel and she decided to spent most of the morning cuddled up to me. =)

3. Kelly had a wonderful birthday.

4. My youngest wandered out of the house Sunday afternoon looking completely normal and returned moments later with a smear of what looked like white paint across his forehead. When asked what it was and how it got there, he looked vaguely confused and said, "I don't know. Nothing happened." And that was all the explanation we ever got. Did I mention we call him Starshine?

5. My hubby had a great week at work and several positive things are happening for him there. Since he is the most talented man I know, I'm thrilled to see his company val…

Today is Mal's fiancee's birthday. Last night my hubby and I took the cake he made for her and some presents and showed up at her job to celebrate the life of a beautiful, generous, warm-hearted girl who lights up every room she enters.

What woman doesn't love handbags? My hubby made a gorgeous Louis Vitton.






Isn't she gorgeous? Even in our ugly Cracker Barrel uniforms! =)

Yesterday, my hubby and I went to a firing range with Mal. My hubby was raised around guns but this was my first time actually holding one, much less learning how to fire one. My hubby claimed that firing guns would be right up my alley.

We used a 9mm. I learned how to load the clip, how to chamber a bullet, and how to sight down the barrel.

My first attempt wasn't great. If my target had been a man, he would have been missing his knees.

My second attempt would have scraped his elbow and maybe parted his hair a bit and I would have had to ask him to pause for five minutes while I figured out how to reload.

I had a hard time chambering the first bullet (that slide on the top of the gun is tough to move). I was all over the place with my aim. And I nearly shoved a clip backwards into Mal's gun which, had I succeeded, might have ended our friendship. ;)

Shooting became more than just a new experience. It became a challenge and I NEVER back down from a challenge. I was determined tha…