Winner of Holly Root's Giveaway!

The Random Number Generator picked comment #16 as the winner of Holly's free book giveaway. Aimee Bartis, please give me your email address so I can put you in touch with Holly. Congratulations!

Interview With Agent Holly Root

I'm so excited to have my Agent of Awesomesauce Holly Root on the blog today. Holly is a class act who understands and respects the creative process, is a pit bull when it comes to negotiating for her clients, and doesn't flinch from writers who think discussing milk-flavored duckies and spiders down cleavage in the same post is acceptable blog content.

Plus, she has minions. Revision Duck Mafia minions. You know that's cool.

The first time I talked with Holly, I felt instantly at home. Especially when I sort of wondered aloud if she'd wandered through my blog because what she found MIGHT sway her decision to offer representation (and not in a good way), and she assured me she'd read my blog, and it was crazy-free.

Crazy-free.

I decided either she was being kind, or she was my kind of people. Turns out she's my kind of people.

When I asked her which of the Usual Suspects she'd like to be interviewed by, she chose the Spork of Doom.



Spork of Doom.



Holly Root

Now that you know who's who, let's get to the important stuff. As you know, Clint makes a special cupcake in honor of whomever is being interviewed. Holly requested a Kitten of Doom cupcake. I thought it was going to be the end of Clint. He kept asking me, "What does a Kitten of Doom look like?" To which I replied, "Yanno. Doomy."

He didn't really find that helpful.

And then, after he'd nearly finished the Kitten of Doom, disaster struck. Our very own Spastic Kitten, furious at the apparent competition for the title of Most Insane Feline Under Our Roof, did a drive-by swiping, sending the cupcake (and two hours of hard work) flying toward the floor. Thankfully, the Scientist was close at hand and he caught the cupcake before it splattered everywhere, thereby saving this blog post and Spastic Kitten's life. So, without further ado, I give you the (doomy) Kitten of Doom (Yes, it's ALL edible.) and Holly's interview with the Spork of Doom! We're all about Doom! today.



1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Why would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?

You can never go wrong with at least one minion with opposable thumbs.

2. Being a Spork of Doom takes moxy. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

Worn fuchsia and red together and Made. It. Work.

3. When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

I'll see you your pie and raise you a blackberry cobbler. That, my friend, is how God intended us to consume fruit and carbs together, and as a bonus wouldn't it be most efficient to consume via spork?

4. You make a valid point. Favorite dessert to eat with a spork?

See above. Check and mate.

5. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

A devastating deadpan.

6. In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

If you can read this, I sold it.

7. If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

I'm going with my boy Ghengis on account of the conquering the known world and the excellent bone structure.

8. Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

They both come with a corporate jet.

9. Seriously? Why don't I have a corporate jet? I'm a SPORK OF DOOM. I need a corporate jet. Or at least some pie. You need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

Oh, no cloak. Didn't you see The Incredibles? Never a cloak.

10. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

Quit picking at it.


Thank you, Holly, for taking on the Spork of Doom with such inimitable style. To learn more about Holly as an agent, go here.

Holly brought a giveaway with her today--the choice of one of the books from her stash. Trust me, she has a STASH! Answer Holly's question in the comment trail to go into a drawing. The winner will be announced on Thursday, so stay tuned. Holly will then email you with a list of books to choose from. Have fun!

Holly's question: What color scheme would your super* suit follow? (The * is because I respect supers of both the villain and hero persuasions. And mine would be lavender and deep purple, for the record.)

Monday Linkage

A writer friend of mine, Sara McClung, is running an awesome contest on her blog right now. Signed books, entire trilogies, and even a really cool Alice in Wonderland giveaway are available to win! (FYI: The Alice prize=MINE so back off.) It's easy to enter. Check it out.

Also, today I guest blogged at Romance University and critiqued one lucky(?) writer's query.

Bombs Ahoy!

1. There's a commercial on the kids' channels advertising a new, wonderful, must-buy-this-now product.

2. What is this new, wonderful, must-buy-this-now product?

3. 3-D bubbles.

4. Which is a relief because I can't tell you how many times I've looked at bubbles floating through the air and thought "If only these were 3-D!"

5. ...

6. In other what-were-they-thinking product news, Cracker Barrel has their Easter candy out. We have all of the usual suspects--peeps, chocolate eggs, jelly beans--and one very special addition:


7. I had to read it twice to be sure the manufacturers hadn't accidentally left off the word "chocolate."

8. They hadn't.

9. This is truly every child's Easter candy dream: A yellow rubber-ducky-look-alike that tastes like milk.

10. Excuse me while I go gag for a minute.

11. And speaking of gagging, I have a seriously irrational fear I'd like to share with you.

12. And no, I don't think the other fears I've shared with you are irrational.

13. You just keep on believing goats and moths aren't the eventual cause of the Apocalypse. One day soon, I'll be able to say "I told you so."

14. If you survive.

15. But, I digress.

16. I have an irrational fear that if I take a cup out of the cupboard, pour a drink into it, and begin drinking without ever looking into the cup, there will be a spider floating in my drink.

17. This fear is irrational on a number of levels.

18. One, I keep the glasses in the cupboard upside down so there's very little likelihood a spider could get inside.

19. Two, we have a monthly pest service and it's rare to see a bug of any sort inside my home. (Although there was the one day a spider literally DROPPED FROM THE CEILING and LANDED IN MY CLEAVAGE but I can't talk about that without curling up in the fetal position and whining for my mama.)

20. Three, never, not once, has this happened to me.

21. Still, on the rare occasion that I wander into the kitchen at night for a glass of water and use only the hall light to guide me, I'm totally convinced that as I swallow the water, I will, at any second, feel the brush of a nasty spider body against my lips.

22. Do I keep drinking?

23. Yes.

24. Without turning on a light and looking?

25. Yes.

26. Does it make my stomach cramp with fear and my gag reflex threaten to expel everything I've eaten in the last five hours?

27. You betcha.

28. Why do I do it?

29. Because sometimes a girl has to look her irrational fears in the eye and tell them to suck it.

30. I do, however, have a very rational fear of suicide spider bombers lurking along my ceiling ...

Winner!

The winner of the free Query Workshop registration is Larissa! Congratulations. Please let me know your email address so I can add you to the class loop. :)

If you didn't win the registration but would still like to have help learning how to write an amazing query letter, there are currently 5 spots left in Monday's workshop.

Win A Free Registration For The Next Query Workshop!

Do you need help crafting an amazing query letter? Do you long to have the mysteries of querying unlocked for you? How would you like to have a professional critique your query until you get it right?

That's exactly what my two week online (do on your own time schedule!) query workshop offers. It's a $40 value, though my former clients tell me the results they get are priceless. See for yourself.

Now, for the first time ever, I'm going to give away one free query workshop registration. Already took the course? You can give it to a writer friend as a gift. Here's how to enter.

1. Tweet the link to this post and include my user name so I can give you credit. (@cjredwine) = 2 entries

2. Link to this post (with a quick explanation of the contest) on your blog. Include the link to my workshop site as well. (http://queryworkshop.blogspot.com) Comment here with the link. = 2 entries

3. Comment here with a 1-3 sentence pitch for your manuscript (I'm not judging on how awesome your pitch is. I'm doing a random drawing, so don't stress!). = 1 entry.

You have from now until 8 p.m. Saturday night (Central time zone) to rack up the entries. I'll tally them up, generate a random number, and announce the winner here on my blog Saturday night!

Winner of Bree Despain's Giveaway

I used a random number generator for the Bree Despain THE DARK DIVINE goodies giveaway and the winner is Catie S (Book Bound). Congratulations, Catie! Check your inbox for a message from me so I can get your address to Bree. Enjoy your goodies!

Next Wednesday, my Awesomesauce Agent Holly Root will be interviewed by the Spork of Doom. You don't want to miss it! Why? Because she's awesomesauce. And because she's giving away a free book FROM HER STASH. Trust me, she has a STASH. And because the cupcake she requested from Clint might just be the end of him.