Excuse Me?

Usually, I bring you an interview on Wednesdays. Today's interview, however, has been rescheduled to tomorrow (and there is an AWESOME giveaway so stay tuned!) because of a tragic cupcake malfunction.

So, in place of my regularly scheduled blog feature, I bring you the following conversation which happened yesterday in the car:

Hubby: Oh, man! I still have to make that cupcake.

Me: *glances at him* I'm sorry. If you really don't want to make cupcakes for my blog, just tell me. I'll do something else.

Hubby: *is silent*

Me: Well?

Hubby: I'm not answering that.

Me: Why not?

Hubby: Because I love you.

Starshine: Answer her, Dad! Weren't you listening to her?

Hubby: I never listen to her.

Starshine: *makes frustrated sound* I can't believe you got married to her. How in the world did you ever manage to get married if you don't listen to her?

Hubby: I got married BECAUSE I didn't listen to her.

Me: Oh, nice.

Starshine: *ponders this for a minute* So .... did she ask you to marry her?

Hubby: Nope. She didn't ask. She begged.

To send flowers to Hubby's memorial service, call 1-800-O-No-U-Didn't

Klassy!

1. I saw two things this weekend that made me laugh.

2. The fact that neither of these things were meant to be funny made it that much better.

3. First, I saw an ad for a hairstyling salon that read as follows:

4. Klassy Not Sassy Boutique

5. I think the "k" just gives it that extra special touch of sophistication and--dare I say it?--klass.

6. I stopped by the Starbucks inside my local grocery store and discovered a new free-to-me product: bagged used coffee grounds.

7. The slick bag housing the grounds explained (in glossy, colorful letters) that the grounds were excellent for gardening and offered them for free to customers who wanted to a) make their plants very happy and b) help Starbucks reduce their environmental footprint.

8. Am I the only one who sees the big fat irony in taking something that is environmentally friendly and wouldn't harm a landfill and packaging it in a slick, ink-covered bag so the company can seem environmentally conscious?

9. *rolls eyes*

10. I saw Alice in Wonderland last week and LOVED it. Gorgeous imagery, stellar acting, and top notch writing. Also, on a Tim Burton 1-10 scale of weird, this was about a 2.

11. My kids loved it too.

12. I can now be bribed with Alice in Wonderland swag, fyi.

13. I'm over half finished with CASTING STONES revisions and they're going well.

14. And that's really all I have to say about that. *brain is mostly broken this morning*

15. Fun question for you: What are your top 5 favorite movies of all time?

16. It's a tough one to answer because so many could make the cut, but you need to just pick 5.

17. Mine are: The Dark Knight, Mary Poppins, Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets, Pirates: Curse of the Black Pearl, and The Princess Bride.

18. Yours?

Friday Fiction

I used to call this feature "Get Me Started," but decided I couldn't resist the alliteration of "Friday Fiction" instead. Here's how it works.

1. You leave me a comment with an interesting first sentence. (No profanity or sex please)

2. Every Friday, I use a random number generator to pick one of the comments, and then use that first sentence as a starting place to write a short piece of fiction for the blog.

3. If your comment is chosen, you win a book of your choice from my private stash!

4. You may enter up to five separate first sentence comments.

5. If I use your comment, you have until the following Friday to give me your email addy so we can talk prizes.

6. What are you waiting for? Give me some awesome first sentences and let's get Friday Fiction going!

Winner of Holly Root's Giveaway!

The Random Number Generator picked comment #16 as the winner of Holly's free book giveaway. Aimee Bartis, please give me your email address so I can put you in touch with Holly. Congratulations!

Interview With Agent Holly Root

I'm so excited to have my Agent of Awesomesauce Holly Root on the blog today. Holly is a class act who understands and respects the creative process, is a pit bull when it comes to negotiating for her clients, and doesn't flinch from writers who think discussing milk-flavored duckies and spiders down cleavage in the same post is acceptable blog content.

Plus, she has minions. Revision Duck Mafia minions. You know that's cool.

The first time I talked with Holly, I felt instantly at home. Especially when I sort of wondered aloud if she'd wandered through my blog because what she found MIGHT sway her decision to offer representation (and not in a good way), and she assured me she'd read my blog, and it was crazy-free.

Crazy-free.

I decided either she was being kind, or she was my kind of people. Turns out she's my kind of people.

When I asked her which of the Usual Suspects she'd like to be interviewed by, she chose the Spork of Doom.



Spork of Doom.



Holly Root

Now that you know who's who, let's get to the important stuff. As you know, Clint makes a special cupcake in honor of whomever is being interviewed. Holly requested a Kitten of Doom cupcake. I thought it was going to be the end of Clint. He kept asking me, "What does a Kitten of Doom look like?" To which I replied, "Yanno. Doomy."

He didn't really find that helpful.

And then, after he'd nearly finished the Kitten of Doom, disaster struck. Our very own Spastic Kitten, furious at the apparent competition for the title of Most Insane Feline Under Our Roof, did a drive-by swiping, sending the cupcake (and two hours of hard work) flying toward the floor. Thankfully, the Scientist was close at hand and he caught the cupcake before it splattered everywhere, thereby saving this blog post and Spastic Kitten's life. So, without further ado, I give you the (doomy) Kitten of Doom (Yes, it's ALL edible.) and Holly's interview with the Spork of Doom! We're all about Doom! today.



1. I’m all about world domination, and I’m always looking for good help. Why would you be an acceptable minion in my quest?

You can never go wrong with at least one minion with opposable thumbs.

2. Being a Spork of Doom takes moxy. What’s the sporkiest thing you’ve ever done?

Worn fuchsia and red together and Made. It. Work.

3. When I’m not busy taking over the world, I like to eat pie. What kind of pie do you think is worthy of my Spork of Doom status?

I'll see you your pie and raise you a blackberry cobbler. That, my friend, is how God intended us to consume fruit and carbs together, and as a bonus wouldn't it be most efficient to consume via spork?

4. You make a valid point. Favorite dessert to eat with a spork?

See above. Check and mate.

5. I have the ability to be simultaneously spoon, fork, and weapon of mass destruction. What unique ability do you have?

A devastating deadpan.

6. In this day and age, a savvy spork bent on world domination can’t afford to ignore a good marketing campaign. I’m thinking t-shirts with “Spork or Die.” If you made a shirt with your own slogan on it, what would it say?

If you can read this, I sold it.

7. If I had to compare myself to anyone in history, I’d have to say I’m most like Napoleon. Only skinnier. And shinier. And smart enough not to lose my empire at a place with a ridiculous name like Waterloo. Who are you most like and why?

I'm going with my boy Ghengis on account of the conquering the known world and the excellent bone structure.

8. Why is your job just as much fun as world domination?

They both come with a corporate jet.

9. Seriously? Why don't I have a corporate jet? I'm a SPORK OF DOOM. I need a corporate jet. Or at least some pie. You need to accomplish a secret, night-time mission as my minion. Cloak? No cloak? Why?

Oh, no cloak. Didn't you see The Incredibles? Never a cloak.

10. My best piece of advice to others is this: “Fear the spork!” What’s your best advice?

Quit picking at it.


Thank you, Holly, for taking on the Spork of Doom with such inimitable style. To learn more about Holly as an agent, go here.

Holly brought a giveaway with her today--the choice of one of the books from her stash. Trust me, she has a STASH! Answer Holly's question in the comment trail to go into a drawing. The winner will be announced on Thursday, so stay tuned. Holly will then email you with a list of books to choose from. Have fun!

Holly's question: What color scheme would your super* suit follow? (The * is because I respect supers of both the villain and hero persuasions. And mine would be lavender and deep purple, for the record.)

Monday Linkage

A writer friend of mine, Sara McClung, is running an awesome contest on her blog right now. Signed books, entire trilogies, and even a really cool Alice in Wonderland giveaway are available to win! (FYI: The Alice prize=MINE so back off.) It's easy to enter. Check it out.

Also, today I guest blogged at Romance University and critiqued one lucky(?) writer's query.

Bombs Ahoy!

1. There's a commercial on the kids' channels advertising a new, wonderful, must-buy-this-now product.

2. What is this new, wonderful, must-buy-this-now product?

3. 3-D bubbles.

4. Which is a relief because I can't tell you how many times I've looked at bubbles floating through the air and thought "If only these were 3-D!"

5. ...

6. In other what-were-they-thinking product news, Cracker Barrel has their Easter candy out. We have all of the usual suspects--peeps, chocolate eggs, jelly beans--and one very special addition:


7. I had to read it twice to be sure the manufacturers hadn't accidentally left off the word "chocolate."

8. They hadn't.

9. This is truly every child's Easter candy dream: A yellow rubber-ducky-look-alike that tastes like milk.

10. Excuse me while I go gag for a minute.

11. And speaking of gagging, I have a seriously irrational fear I'd like to share with you.

12. And no, I don't think the other fears I've shared with you are irrational.

13. You just keep on believing goats and moths aren't the eventual cause of the Apocalypse. One day soon, I'll be able to say "I told you so."

14. If you survive.

15. But, I digress.

16. I have an irrational fear that if I take a cup out of the cupboard, pour a drink into it, and begin drinking without ever looking into the cup, there will be a spider floating in my drink.

17. This fear is irrational on a number of levels.

18. One, I keep the glasses in the cupboard upside down so there's very little likelihood a spider could get inside.

19. Two, we have a monthly pest service and it's rare to see a bug of any sort inside my home. (Although there was the one day a spider literally DROPPED FROM THE CEILING and LANDED IN MY CLEAVAGE but I can't talk about that without curling up in the fetal position and whining for my mama.)

20. Three, never, not once, has this happened to me.

21. Still, on the rare occasion that I wander into the kitchen at night for a glass of water and use only the hall light to guide me, I'm totally convinced that as I swallow the water, I will, at any second, feel the brush of a nasty spider body against my lips.

22. Do I keep drinking?

23. Yes.

24. Without turning on a light and looking?

25. Yes.

26. Does it make my stomach cramp with fear and my gag reflex threaten to expel everything I've eaten in the last five hours?

27. You betcha.

28. Why do I do it?

29. Because sometimes a girl has to look her irrational fears in the eye and tell them to suck it.

30. I do, however, have a very rational fear of suicide spider bombers lurking along my ceiling ...