1. I believe all of my regular blog readers know how I feel about eyes.
2. If you need a refresher course, go here.
3. I can seriously handle just about any nasty thing you throw at me. I clean up anything my boys can dish out (And really? I deserve a freakin' medal for that one.) without batting an eye. I can handle any subject you wish to discuss while I'm eating. I can even clean up after strangers who've been sick at the restaurant without losing my own dinner. But I gag out loud if I feel a blood vessel breaking in my eye.
4. And if I smell green beans, but whatever. The fact I can handle the smell of vomit but not the smell of green beans is just part of my quirky charm.
5. Did you know you can feel when a blood vessel is breaking in your eye?
6. GAH! I can't even write about it! My gag reflex is forcibly threatening to make me revisit the coffee-flavored yogurt I just ate for breakfast.
7. Anyway, everyone in my family knows I can't stand eye stuff. They all think it's funny to regale me with nasty eye-related stories.
8. (It's okay. I know how to get the last laugh. My latest plan involves duct tape, silly string, and a vat of lime jello. Mwuahahaha!)
9. A few days ago, my children learned an exciting tidbit of information and hurried to share it with me.
10. You know that gunk in your eye after you wake up? That's dust mite poop.
11. Hello, coffee-flavored yogurt! How nice to see you again.
12. I haven't been right since they told me that.
13. Really.
14. *eye-twitches*
15. Moving on. *slaps hand over left eye to stop the twitching*
16. Have you entered some first sentences for me to use for Friday Fiction? If yours is picked (random number generator used), you win a free book from my stash! Go here to enter.
17. This week's interview is with the Mundie Moms, a full-service YA book review/fan forum with tons of giveaways, author chats, contests, and great reviews of all the young adult books hitting the shelves.
18. Upcoming interview guests on the blog include: Jeaniene Frost, Rachel Hawkins, Tessa Dare, Lisa Mantchev, Maggie Stiefvater, Kay Cassidy, Kris Kennedy, Chelsea Campbell and more!
19. My poor hubby is so excited to make all those cupcakes!
20. Since I'm still not over the "she begged" comment, I'm okay with this.
21. Until Wednesday, think of me every time you wipe dust mite poop out of your eyes.
Well, it's probably more like eyelash mite poop, but you probably don't want to know that everybody has eyelash mites...
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHAHAHA!
And here I thought you were my friend! *glares* *obsessively yanks on eyelashes* *glares some more*
ReplyDeleteAh, dust mite poop? In your eye? And this is normal?
ReplyDeleteOMG.
I'm pretty much done for the day. Just roll me into a white little coat with sleeves that buckle on the back and serve me jello through a straw. I'm good. Going into hibernation/shock-induced-coma mode.
But first: Your family should be ashamed of themselves torturing you like that. It would have been way better if while they regaled you with gross eyeball stories, they had at least tried to serve you green beans. Because that's REALLY how families are when they like each other. I'm pretty sure of this. That's how the Addam's Family did it. And they were very loving.
But thanks for the serious laughs. I'll be chuckling all the way to the looney bin now...dust mite eyeball poop....achhhhhhhh!!!!
That's horrible news lol!
ReplyDeleteSome of it has to be eye gunk ya know, like when you're sick and you have more than usual??
Maybe being sick causes the dust mites to have like... diarrhea or something, and that's the REAL reason for the extra gunk!! Ha ha that's awful.
Wonder what would happen if I slept with protective goggles on??
:D
ReplyDeleteUm...ew. That definitely falls into the "things I wish I could unlearn" category. Ew. Ew. Ew.
ReplyDeleteSo it's dust mite poop that gives me these awesome sinus headaches and earaches every day. Yay! Apparently my house is lousy with dust mite poop. That's it. Our carpet is history. And those curtains? Yeah. Gone. Sorry neighbors!
ReplyDeleteAnd blankets? No more. Emergency foil blankets for us from now on.
You wonder where my fork comes from? In a story (published by Forever Nocturne to relate) I wrote a story about a fed-up spouse that stabs her bitter other in the EYE.
ReplyDelete[holds out barf-bag]
You're so funny CJ.
I'm not even sure I can respond to that. Will an "Ew!" suffice?
ReplyDeleteCJ! OMG. I just read that dust mite poop article. I'm dying. That. Is. SO GROSS.
ReplyDeleteEw. I can't even think of anything clever to write I'm way too grossed out. Oh, wait... Here we go:
You think they turn that into yarn too?